Lovejag's Fanfic Place

Do you love fanfiction and want to meet others that do? Well this is the place. All fandoms are welcome.

My Photo
Location: Arizona, United States

Sunday, August 06, 2006

painful memories 1-16

Painful Memories

Title: Painful Memories
Author: Morgaine
Category: Mac/Harm
Rating: This part PG
Mac faces the demons from her past after a mission.
(Takes place after the break-up of Mic/Mac and
Disclaimer: JAG and it's characters belong to CBS and
Paramount etc. This is for entertainment purposes
Feedback: This is my first mainstream fiction,
feedback would be greatly appreciated.
"Ma'm, the Admiral would like to see you in his
office." Petty Officer Tiner said.
"I'll be right there, Tiner". Colonel Sarah 'Mac'
Mackenzie sighed and headed to meet the Admiral. Mac
knocked on the Admiral's door and waited for the Enter
command. Upon entering she came to attention facing
Admiral Chedwiggen and Clayton Webb.
"At ease Colonel." Admiral directed.
"You're needed in Arabia, Serena" Clayton Webb said
without preamble.
She simply nodded and said "When?"
"Your flight leaves at 1900 from Dulles Airport. You
will have the same cover, except this time you will be
returning to him of your own free will." Clay
"I know the drill Webb. Admiral what about my cases?"
Mac asked.
"I'll split them up among Lt. Roberts and Lt. Singer"
the Admiral answered.
"I'm sorry about this Sir."
"Duty calls Colonel, just come back safe. Do you
"Yes Sir!"
"Dismissed, Colonel." Chedwiggen said and waited for
Mac to leave the room. "That goes for you too better bring her back in better shape then
the last time."
"I understand AJ" Clay replied. "What do you think
about sending Commander Rabb in as back-up?"
"They are too close he wouldn't let her do her job. He
would make her uncomfortable"
"I agree." Clay answered and headed for the door.
Colonel Sarah Mackenzie walked across the bullpen
towards her office oblivious to the general chaos that
occurred around her. Her only thoughts were of the
last time Serena had been in operation and the pain
that followed. The pain still haunted Mac when she
let it. I've got to go home, pack....oh no Jingo. In
all the rushing she had forgotten about her dog. She
would call Bud and Harriet and see if they could watch
him for a while.
Sarah Mackenzie gathered the last of her belongings
and headed towards the elevator. Just as her luck
would have it, out stepped Commander Harmon Rabb.
"Hey Mac, where are you heading?" Rabb asked. "Are you
keeping banker's hours today?"
"Cute Rabb, the Admiral gave me the rest of the day
off, he said I deserve it for having to put up with
you all the time." She replied smartly.
"Hey that's not fair" Harm pretended to pout.
"As much as I love to see a Sailor pout, I'm heading
out." Mac stepped into the elevator. Before the
doors could close, Mac stepped back out. "Harm" she
"Yeah'll Mac?"
"Have a good day and be safe." Mac said as she stepped
inside once more and let the doors shut behind her.
"OK, that was strange" Harm muttered to himself. "Be
safe, why would she say something like that?"
Harm let it go for about an hour and then headed for
the Admiral's office. "Tiner is the Admiral in?"
"Yes sir, let me see if he can see you" Tiner
replied. "Admiral, Commander Rabb to see you sir."
"Send him in Tiner" The Admiral replied.
Harm walked into the office and came to attention.
"At ease, Commander." Admiral ordered. "Now what can I
do for you?"
"Well Sir, is Colonel Mackenzie alright?" Harm rushed
the words out before he backed out.
"Why do you ask Commander?"
"I passed her on the way out for the day...she never
leaves early...and she told me to be safe." Harm
replied. "She looked worried Sir".
"The Colonel is a marine Commander, I think she can
take care of herslf and would not appreciate finding
out that we are discussing her behind her back."
"Yes Sir, I'm sorry sir, I'll just talk to her
tomorrow" Harm replied feeling more than a little
"No Commander you won't." The Admiral corrected.
"Colonel Mackenzie, as of today is on two weeks
personal leave."
"Sir, is she okay?"
"Rabb, I know you're just concerned, however, it is
none of our business why she needed off." The Admiral
"You don't know why she requested the time off?"
"Of course I do Rabb." Before the he could protest the
Admiral said "Dismissed"
"Aye aye Sir" Harm answered and walked out of the
Bud and Harriet had just left with Jingo and she had
exactly 34 minutes to pack and get to the airport.
Mac packed quickly and efficiently knowing that time
was of the essence. She knew Harm probably better
than she knew herself. He could not stand to be out
of the loop. As soon as he discovered she was leaving
he would be by to see what was going on.
She dug into the bottom drawer of her dresser and
pulled out clothes that Colonel Sarah Mackenzie would
never wear but Serena would not only wear but make
them come to life. She continued packing.
She finished packing and headed for the door just as
Harm burst through it.
"Harm what are you doing here?" she asked.
"I want to know exactly what is going on with you.
The Admiral said you were going on leave for two
weeks. Where are you going?" Harm asked.
"I'm just taking a little time off, Harm after the
fallout from canceling the wedding and with all the
cases we've had lately. I just need a break." She
"Why are you lying Mac? You told me to be safe, where
are you going in such a rush?" Harm pressed. "I saw
Webb at JAG this morning does he have something to do
with this?"
"I don't know what you are talking about Harm." Mac
replied. "Now if that is all, I have a plane to
"Are you going to Arizona, to your Uncle's cabin?"
"Of course" she answered. "I'll talk to you soon.
Lock up when you leave." With that she walked out the
door and rushed down the stairs and into her car.
Harm watched her get into the car and drive off. He
waited about five minutes before heading for the
airport himself. On the way he called the airport to
see what time the flight to Arizona would be leaving.
His worry increased when he was told that there was no
flight to Arizona this evening. The earliest flight
was scheduled for tomorrow at noon. "Dammit Mac what
are you up to?" He thought as he increased his speed
even more.
Mac sped through the night knowing that the chances of
her coming back from her destination were next to
impossible. She was able to escape the darkness once,
could she do it again. Mac pulled into Dulles Airport
and parked as close as possible. She rushed into the
airport to the ticket counter and picked up the ticket
Webb had left for her under Serena Allister. At least
he had sprung for first class reservations for once.
She headed to the gate they pointed her towards.
Harm say Mac pick up tickets at the ticket counter.
"Excuse me, I believe I know the woman who was just
here. We were once in love, can you tell me where she
is heading I'd love to catch up with her before she
gets on a plane." Harm asked and flashed a flyboy
heart stopping grin at the busy attendant.
"Sir, if you want to catch Ms. Allister you better
hurry to Gate 42, her flight leaves in about ten
"Thank you, where is she heading?"
"New York City, I believe." She responded.
"Thanks, again." Harm replied as he rushed to Gate
42. He ran about 20 feet before he turned around and
came back to the counter.
"Yes, sir?" she asked.
"I need a ticket to New York City on the flight
getting ready to leave."
"Okay, coach or first class?"
"What was Ms. Allister's seating?" Harm asked.
"First class I believe."
"Coach then." Harm answered and handed her his credit
card and other pertinent information.
Mac found her seat and collapsed into it. Things were
happening way too quickly, I didn't have time to get
into the character. She pulled a small silk pouch
from her purse. Nestled inside the pouch, two rings
glistened in the light. She quickly slipped them on.
The sparkle threatened to pull her back in time to
memories she would rather forget. 'Snap out of it
Marine." She muttered to herself.
After the take-off, Mac flagged down the stewardess.
"Could I use the phone please, I'd like to charge it
to my credit card." She returned quickly with the
"Clay, I'm in the plane and on my way to NY. Any
E.T.A. on Zahir?" Mac asked.
"Serena, his ETA has already passed. He is in NYC,
you need to be at the Blue Note tonight and on stage."
He replied.
"Tonight!" She said louder then she meant to. "Sorry"
she apologized to the people around her.
"I'll be there as back-up Serena." Webb replied.
"But, be careful."
"I will, Clay." She paused. "Clay....the Commander
stopped by before I left...he is very suspicious."
"Which Commander Serena?"
"My partner."
"Okay, don't worry I'll call the Admiral and see if he
can get Harm distracted." He responded.
"Goodbye Clay." She replied.
Harm made himself stay in his seat and not go
confront Mac. The curtain between First class and
coach parted and Mac walked through with her carry-on
bag. She went into the restroom dressed in jeans and
a sweatshirt. When she came out Harm almost didn't
recognize her. Her hair was curled in soft curls that
framed her face making her a mixture of innocence and
sexiness. She wore a pair of black slacks made of a
sheer flowing material that danced with every movement
she made. Her shirt was of the same material and was
cut off one shoulder and showed her flat stomach.
Harm felt his breath catch in shock and desire. As
she turned to look back in coach, he saw that she also
wore more exotic make-up. Looking around Harm could
see that most of the men in coach were having the same
reaction he was having. As she turned to go back into
first class, Serena glanced back over her shoulder and
gave a devastating sensual smile to the men of coach
without truly seeing any of them. Such was Serena.
Part 2
Harm felt like he was looking at a stranger not his
partner. His partner Lt. Colonel Sarah 'Mac'
Mackenzie the marine went into that bathroom, but
someone else came out. That someone else was amazing,
her smile was enough not only to light up a room but
also to light up every man within sight. "What the
hell is going on?" He thought.
"Miss could I use a phone please and put it on my
credit card." Harm asked the nearest stewardess.
"Certainly Sir." She replied.
When she came back Harm hesitated before dialing
Clayton Webb's number. It rang three times before the
CIA agent answered. "Webb."
"Webb it's Harm, what is going on?" He asked.
""What do you mean Harm?'
"Well, Webb I just watched my partner walk onto a
plane bound for New York City with two weeks leave
from work and no good explanation." Harm replied. "And
I think you have something to do with it."
"You're on the plane aren't you Rabb?" Clayton asked
even though it really wasn't a question.
"Yes I am Webb and I want some answers."
"Alright Rabb." Clay answered reluctantly. "Does Mac
know you are on the plane?'
"No, she doesn't."
"Well don't let her see you. She is on assignment and
your presence there will not make her job any easier.
When the plane lands, wait for Mac to get off and away
from the plane. I have someone watching her. Get a
cab and go to the Palace Hotel on 5th Street, Room
456." Clay instructed.
"Webb, your guy better watch her." Harm warned and
hung up. "Dammit Mac why didn't you tell me?" He
Serena Allister stepped from the plane with all the
attitude of a woman who knew that every male eye was
on her. She smiled at the man who offered to carry
her bag. "No thank you, hon, I so appreciate the offer
though. Who said New York men were not friendly."
The man stammered a reply and left. Serena headed for
a cab.
Harm followed close behind and flagged a cab after he
saw Mac pull out.
Clayton Webb knew who was knocking so loudly on his
door and reluctantly went to answer it. "Come in
"Webb what the hell kind of assignment do you have Mac
involved in?" Harm angrily asked. "She was dressed to
seduce or kill tonight."
"Sit down Rabb, we don't have much time." Clay
insisted. "Mac is no longer Mac. She is Serena
Allister singer, agent."
"You heard me Rabb. This is a follow-up assignment,
she has played this character before."
"When?" Harm asked.
"Serena was born while you were flying. When you
returned to flying Mac worked her six off for JAG and
A.J. She was overworked and tired. I offered her an
assignment to gather intelligence information for the
CIA utilizing her knowledge of languages especially
Russian. She jumped at the chance to escape from JAG
for a couple weeks. I gave her the profile of the
group we were trying to infiltrate. She came up with
the plan to go under cover as a singer...."
"Mac, a singer?. Are you kidding?"
"No Rabb I'm not. And she is electric on stage and
off." Webb replied testily. "The man we were trying
to gather information from was Zahir an Arabian
businessman who also runs a small country in Southern
Arabia. We suspected him of being an intermediate
seller for illegal weaponry between Iran and Russia.
We needed proof but very few people are allowed into
Zahir's home. Zahir has two weaknesses, he loves
strong willed women and American music. He comes to
New York City four times a year to recruit singers and
dancers for his men"
"He pimps women for his men?" Harm asked.
"No, Rabb he pays them large amounts of money to come
to his country to sing and dance with his men. He
feels that for his men to function in America they
need to understand the culture, the women, and the
social life. He wanted his men to be able to blend in
wherever he needed them to be." Webb explained. "So
Mac went in as Serena Allister at the Blue Note. He
was immediately taken with her. He offered her
$25,000 for three months work in his country. She
turned him down and said she didn't trust him and
would not leave the country with him. She played hard
to get because we had been told that he could not
stand to not get something he wanted."
"So did she get him?" Rabb asked.
"Oh yeah'll she turned him down a second time, by the
third offer he was up to $75,000 for two months within
a week. She finally agreed and he pulled out two
rings a band with five diamonds. He slid it on her
hand. This makes me your husband for as long as you
want to be. The second ring also had five diamonds
but the middle one on this one was huge and set-off.
He slid it on and told her this ring would only be
worn by her and she would be his wife. This rank
would give her full reign of his home and country."
Clay paused and took a drink.
"So what went wrong?"
"She traveled to Arabia with him and was given
complete freedom to explore. She told Zahir that she
spoke Russian and was physically trained to protect
herself. She helped him with numerous transactions.
They all appeared to be on the up and up. Nothing
about weapons of any kind. About three weeks after
she infiltrated his home, Zahir's daughter Alexandria
was kidnapped by a Russian gun runner, by the name of
Murrick. His demand on Zahir was his daughter would
be safe as long as he acted as the middle man for his
dealings with Iran. Mac decided to rescue the child."
"What?" Harm yelled.
"We didn't order it. Mac actually asked for our help.
The powers that be felt that they were getting
exactly what they wanted and didn't want to jeopardize
the information. Mac lost it and told us all to go to
"How old was the little girl?" Harm asked.
"She was six." Clay responded. "Mac went in alone and
got the child out. If Zahir did not love her before
he did after that. His people also considered her a
hero and a member of their family. Murick was furious
and came after Serena. He took her right from Zahir's
home and tortured her for two days before we found
her." Clay hesitated.
"What did he do to her?" Harm forced out the question.
"I don't know all the details Rabb. She would not
talk about it at all. She was in the hospital for
five days. The last three days were spent in the
psychiatric ward. She trusted no one and would not
let anyone touch her. We finally had the doctor call
Zahir and let him know where Serena was. After he
spoke to her for about an hour, she asked him to
release her."
"He got her released from the hospital and gave her
full payment for coming, and anytime you want to come
back invitation. He also told her to keep the rings
that in his heart she would always be his wife and
that he loved her. He said that when she returned to
him it would be of her own free will." Clayton
noticed Rabb silence. "We brought Mac back and
dropped her at her apartment. I called A.J. and told
him what had happened so he would know she wouldn't be
in for at least another week or two."
"What all did they do to her Webb? And don't tell me
you don't know, I know better then that." Rabb
"Rabb she had broken ribs, a fractured wrist, multiple
bruises, bruised kidneys, a dislocated shoulder, and a
mild concussion." Clay forced the words out. "I
didn't lie when I said she didn't say anything. As
far as I know she still hasn't said anything."
"Is this mission what got her early promotion?"
"The SECNAV knew some details of what she had been
through and called A.J. and recommended promotion.
A.J. knew what had happened and also he felt she
deserved it regardless. The promotion was made pretty
quickly." Clay explained. "We found out yesterday
that Zahir was involved in Russian weapon trafficking
again. We needed someone to go in. We chose Serena.
Mac agreed to revive her."
"What about Murick is he still a part of this?" Harm
"He is still a part of the weapon sales and he still
wants revenge against Serena."
"Why, after all he did to her?"
"Before we rescued her, she was in the process of
rescuing herself. She took a knife from Murick and
sliced his face, she had the knife poised to kill him
when we broke in. We stopped her from killing him.
After I saw what he had done to her, I wished that I
hadn't stopped her. He bares a hellacious scar across
his right cheek. He escaped from jail about a week
after the rescue. He had vowed vengeance."
"Then why in the world did you request she go back
in?" Harm asked incredulously.
"Because we have already tried to send in two other
agents. Zahir has refused them any
freedom in his home. Serena is the only one who can
get in." Clay answered matter of fact.
"But Webb we are not talking about this Serena we are
talking about Mac. My Mac."
"Your Mac??" Clay asked.
"You know what I mean Clay."
"As much as I would like to continue to make you
squirm Rabb, we need to get to the Blue Note and back
up Serena."
The men quickly dressed to go out and headed out the
"By the way Rabb does the Admiral know where you are?"
"No. I'll call him in the morning."
"Remember Rabb we are watching Serena. She is very
different then Mac. Serena is a fantasy come to life.
She teases and enthralls her prey. Don't do anything
to distract her."
"I understand." Rabb replied.
Part 3
After dropping her suitcase off at a small hotel
nearby, Serena strolled into the Blue Note at 22:30.
She glanced around and smiled a small seductive smile
at every man in sight. She walked in like she owned
the place and right at that moment she did. Strolling
to the bar, she casually called out to the bartender.
"What does a lady have to do to get a drink around
here?" She asked mildly.
"Hold your horses would you?" He replied before
turning to face her. "Serena, by God girl is that
"Of course it is could anyone else look this sexy?"
"No one could only you." He said as he reached across
the bar and hugged her.
"So can anyone sing in this joint or are you booked
solid?" She joked.
"You are welcome anytime. In fact the guys in the
band will be ecstatic. Why don't you go on over and
surprise them?"
"Thanks Mitch, it is nice to know I've been missed."
"Trust me, Serena you have been that and not only by
me." Mitch responded.
Serena headed towards the stage feeling in control and
knowing that she could stun the men in the club
tonight. She knew that with the right look, the right
move, and the right song that any man in the club
could be hers.
While Serena was reacquainting herself with the stage
and the band Webb and Rabb arrived at the Blue Note.
They found a place to the side of the bar that was not
easily seen from the stage. Rabb watched Mac...Serena
on the stage. He could not believe the difference
between Colonel Sarah "Mac" Mackenzie and Serena
Allister. Serena moved like she knew every man in the
room wanted her for the night and was encouraging it.
He watched her throw her head back and laugh at
something one of the band members was saying. He
could not remember the last time he had seen her laugh
out loud.
"Webb how in the world?"
"She shocked the hell out of me too Rabb." Webb
replied to the question. "When she suggested the
cover I kind of laughed and thought sure. Then I saw
her on stage and my heart stopped beating for a
minute. I couldn't believe that this was Mac, Marine
Mac. You haven't seen anything yet, Rabb." Webb
continued. "Wait till she actually begins to sing."
The waitress came up about that time. "Can I take
your order, guys?"
"Two beers please."
Serena Allister stepped up to the microphone. "Hello
everyone." She said in a husky straight out of bed
voice. "I just wanted to say how thrilled I am to be
back here with you all. I want to start this set with
a little attitude."
If you're coming with me you need nerves of steel
Cause I take corners on two wheels
It's a never ending circus ride
Faint of heart need not apply.
Mi Vida Loca Over and Over
Destiny turns on a dime
I go where the wind blows
You can't tame a wild rose
Welcome to my crazy life
Before this night is through
I could fall in love with you
Come dance along the edge with me
Let my passion set you free
Mi Vida Loca Over and Over
Destiny turns on a dime
I go where the wind blow
You can't tame a wild rose
Welcome to my crazy life
The stage came to life with music and attitude. Harm
felt himself being drawn into her spell of music.
Serena's movements were designed and perfected in
their ability to entrance her audience. Everyone was
captured by the attitude the people on the dance floor
used the attitude of the music to draw their partners
into a dance of emotion.
Here in the firelight I see your tattoo
Mi Vida Loca so your crazy too.
Harm couldn't help but wonder about the woman who sang
on stage. Where was the famous tattoo of Mac's and
what was it of? 'Snap out of it, Harm. Keep your
mind on the objective at hand. Protecting Mac.'
We'll go where the wind blows
And I'll be your wild rose
Welcome to my crazy life
As the song ended Harm tried to catch his breath.
Webb leaned over to Rabb. "Shocking isn't she?"
"Definitely." He mumbled.
Serena saw Zahir enter the Blue Note. She decided to
change the next song to something soft and sexy. She
whispered the change to the band. They all smiled and
As the music started Zahir saw her. "Serena?" he
whispered. His bodyguards also noticed the singer on
stage. They wondered what excitement this night would
Electricity eye to eye
Hey don't I know you
I can't speak.
Stripped my senses on the spot
I've never been defenseless
I can't even make sense of this
You speak and I don't hear a word
What would happen if we kissed
Would your tongue slip past my lips
Would you run away
Would you stay
Or would I melt into you
Mouth to mouth
Lust to lust
Spontaneously combust
Webb noticed Serena tense. He scanned the crowd and
saw Zahir heading towards an empty table near them.
"That's Zahir. He has at least four guards with him.
Keep an eye on Serena, I'm going to try to get closer
to him."
Harm was shocked by the appearance of Zahir. He
couldn't be more than twenty-five.
Harm had expected someone much older. He watched
Serena sing a song that could only be described as
pure seduction.
What would happen if we kissed
Would your tongue slip past my lips
Would you run away
Would you stay
Or would I melt into you
Mouth to mouth
Lust to lust
Spontaneously combust
Room is spinning out of control
Act like you didn't notice
Brush my hand
Forbidden fruit
Ring on my finger
Your such a moral moral man
Would you throw it away, no question
Will I pretend I'm innocent
Serena stepped down from the stage on to the dance
floor with a headset microphone. She swayed her way
through the dancers heading towards Zahir. Harm found
himself holding his breath as he watched her sing and
sway her way towards him. Mac? He thought. No way.
There has to be some kind of misunderstanding, the
woman walking towards him was not the same one he had
been partners with for the past three years. The
words of the last verse played in his mind. "Brush my
hand", "Forbidden fruit", "Ring on my finger", "Moral
moral man". Memories of Mac's engagement party
flooded his mind.
I struggle with myself again
To keep the walls from crumbling
I don't know if I can turn away
What would happen if we kissed
Would your tongue slip past my lips
Would you run away
Would you stay
Or would I melt into you
Mouth to mouth
Lust to lust
Spontaneously combust
Serena sang the last chorus specifically to Zahir. As
she finished the song, Serena stared into Zahir's
eyes. Zahir stood and cupped her face with his hands.
"My Serena, have you returned to me of your own free
"If you will have me?" She replied breathlessly.
"Forever. But be advised if you come back to me, I
don't think I can watch you leave again." Zahir
"I needed the space to heal physically and
emotionally. Thank you for giving me that chance. I
still am not back to my self completely but I am much
"Serena, I will not pressure you for anything you are
not ready to give. I still love you." He replied.
"Will you come back to my home and be my wife?"
"I would be honored to be your wife." Serena reached
up and kissed him softly on the lips.
From his table Harm could just make out what they were
saying. He felt the urge to grab Mac/Serena and run
with her. He couldn't stand to watch this kid kiss
her and tell her he loves her. It was almost as bad
as Brumby. What the hell am I thinking. This is Mac
my partner not my lover. But do I want her to be?
Thoughts of the kiss they shared on the Admiral's
porch, turned his question into a definite yes..
Webb walked up to the table. "Rabb did you hear what
they said? I couldn't hear them from my location."
"Basically he welcomed her back but also warned her
that if she came back he would not let her go again.
She would return as his first wife. Webb how bad was
Mac effected emotionally?" Rabb asked.
"She was a wreck for about a month off and on. I know
the Admiral was ready to send her to a psychologist if
she did not snap out of it. I think he even thought
she was drinking again. She wasn't sleeping at all."
Webb explained.
"Why didn't someone call me? I am her best friend. I
could have helped her."
"You chose to fly remember." Webb said coldly. "She
asked that we not contact you. I think she didn't
want to be the needy one. She wanted you to miss her
too. Did you even keep in contact with her?"
"I missed her every day. Each day more and more. She
is my best friend." Rabb responded. "I don't care
what she said! How could you not call me?"
"Rabb sit down and shut up. You are drawing attention
to us that we do not need." Webb smiled and made
drinking motions to the people around him. "Sorry he
had a little too much to drink."
Serena looked up as voices raised a few tables away.
She carefully hid her shock as she saw Webb and Harm.
"Dammit Rabb what are you doing here?" She thought to
"Come Serena, ignore the idiots and sing another song
for me." Zahir said not taking his eyes off of her.
"What ever you want, Zahir." Serena headed back to
the stage and started the next song.
Harm and Webb watched Serena sing for another hour.
The last song she sang she ventured off the stage
weaving through the people on the dance floor flirting
with the men as she went by. She made the rounds from
table to table. She reached Webb and Rabb's table.
She leaned away from the microphone and whispered to
Harm "Come here often Sailor?" Her seductive smile
stole the breath from him. "Enjoying the show,
Serena headed towards Zahir's table. She finished her
song sitting on Zahir's lap.
The band announced that they would be taking a break.
Serena leaned over to Zahir
"Let's get out of here. I'm hungry."
"Some things never change." He laughed as they headed
towards the door.
"Goodbye Mitch, I'll come back and see you soon."
Serena called out to the bartender.
"You better my fly girl." He responded.
Webb and Rabb followed discretely. "Do you know where
he is staying?"
"Yeah'll Rabb they are at the Palace Hotel. Room 457"
Webb replied.
"Looks like they're stopping for dinner."
"God bless Mac and her marine size appetite." Rabb
Zahir watched in amazement as Serena ate her
extravagant dinner. She was the most amazing
creature. Exotic, seductive, and enthralling. She
was also now his wife and she would remain that.
"How is Alexandria?" Serena asked.
"She is growing. She has gotten so tall. She reminds
me of you. She is outspoken and
has been learning how to protect herself. Alex also
said she had to learn Russian because Serena did."
Zahir explained.
"I can't wait to see her. I bet she is still as
beautiful." Serena responded. "When do we leave for
Arabia? I can't wait to see the city in the Spring
and all the people."
"We will leave tomorrow night at eleven o'clock. I
will call ahead, my people will be ready to throw a
celebration in your honor." Zahir said.
"I don't deserve a celebration. I would rather not
draw too much attention to my return. I don't want ...
him to know I'm back in Arabia."
"Serena don't worry about him I will triple the palace
guard and make sure that you and Alexie are guarded at
all times. He will not hurt you again." Zahir
"I don't think I could survive it again." Serena
forced out. "Ok enough mundane thoughts lets get
dessert to go and eat it at the hotel while watching
an old movie."
"Sounds wonderful Serena lets get one of everything
they have for dessert."
"How about two of everything?" She laughed.
They watched the waitress pack up a ton of desserts
and deliver them to Serena and Zahir. The couple
laughed when they were handed three bags full of
desserts. He genuinely seems to care for her. Harm
thought, he better not hurt her.
"Come on Rabb let's head to the hotel. We don't want
to run into them in the hallway." Webb interrupted
his thoughts.
They headed to the hotel and their suite.
Zahir and Serena spent the night in front of the
television watching old movies and feeding each other
enough sugar to be up forever. They laughed and cried
through comedies and romance movies with sappy
endings. Serena fell asleep first leaning against
Zahir's shoulder. Zahir watched her sleep and again
wondered at the mysterious creature he held in his
arms. Her past is a blank according to the background
checks. She speaks Russian and can kill a man with
her bare hands. Her heart was so wounded. He could
see it in her eyes even though she tried to hide it in
the seduction persona that she had perfected. She was
still trying to heal from what Murick had done to her.
And if he wasn't mistaken someone else in her past
had hurt her horribly. How could someone hurt a woman
like her. Serena had risked her life to rescue his
daughter, and she had done what no one else could do
for him. He remembered the fear for his daughter's
safety and the things he had done to keep her alive.
During the week that his daughter was missing he had
negotiated two weapon deals between a group of
Russians and a group from Iran. He never thought he
would do anything like that, yet he had to keep his
daughter alive. When Serena returned with Alexandria
he had wept tears of joy, gratitude, and love. He
lost his heart to her that night.
Then hell had come into his home. Five days after the
rescue, Serena had been taken from his home without
anyone knowing. He remembered the seven days of
hellacious waiting. Then when the police had called
to tell him she was found and in the hospital his
heart had filled with relief.
However that relief was short lived. When he got to
the hospital he was directed to the psychiatric ward.
He found Serena in a locked white room in the corner.
She had made herself as small as possible. Her knees
were pulled under her chin and her eyes were blank and
staring. The doctor had explained her condition.
They called it post traumatic stress disorder. Serena
had been beaten. Her mind had shut down and escaped
the pain deep inside her. Zahir spoke to her softly
for over six hours. He spoke of Alexandria, his
people, his past, and his love for her. He was at the
point where he was ready to give up when she began to
"Oh Serena, let me hold you." He whispered. "My brave
loving Serena."
"I need to get out of here Zahir. I cannot stay in
this place. I no longer feel safe. I am scared.
Will you let me go home?"
"Serena I will protect you. I will take you home..."
"No Zahir, you don't understand....I want to return to
the United States. I need the time to heal and to
find myself again. I feel so empty and lost." Serena
"I will let you go Serena, I owe you that much. But
know this, I love you and you are always welcome to
return to me. Whatever you do will be of your own
free will." Zahir replied.
Zahir had her out of the hospital and out of the
country within five hours. He kissed her goodbye and
watched her plane leave.
"I am so glad you returned, Serena. I will protect
you with my life." He whispered and kissed her on the
forehead. "I will give you as much time as you need
to heal."
"Webb you don't think they are...?" Rabb asked before
he could stop himself.
"Don't go there, Rabb." Clayton Webb replied. "I
don't think he will try anything unless Serena says
she is ready."
"You don't think she would say that just for the
"No I don't think she will." Webb replied. "How
about I order room service, while you prepare yourself
to call the Admiral when I get off the phone?"
"I told you Clay I would call the Admiral in the
morning." Rabb responded. "Order something really
good for dinner I'm starving."
"You sound like Mac."
Title: Painful Memories Part 4/?
Author: Morgaine
Email: Morgaine235@y...
Category: Mac/Harm eventually.
Rating: This part PG
Mac faces the demons from her past after a mission.
(Takes place after the break-up of Mic/Mac and
Harm/Renee). I almost have this story completed, so
there should not be a delay in getting the other
installments. Part 5 will be on tomorrow.
Disclaimer: JAG and it's characters belong to CBS and
Paramount etc. This is for entertainment purposes
Feedback: This is my first mainstream fiction,
feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Part 4
The next morning dawned bright and clear. Zahir awoke
slowly reaching for Serena. His hand came up empty.
Opening his eyes he searched for her, afraid that last
night had only been a dream. Zahir relaxed when he
saw Serena standing at the window.
"Serena what are you doing up so early?"
"I couldn't sleep. I don't sleep very much. The
memories become too loud in my head when I try to
sleep." Serena said softly. Zahir walked up behind
her and put his arms around her.
"I will make the memories fade with time Serena. I
He was so earnest in his promise that Serena almost
believed it was possible. She hoped it was possible
that he could silence the darkness that kept
threatening to consume her.
"I'm going to take a bath, would you bring my bag from
the living room to the bedroom?" Mac asked. One of
Zahir's bodyguards had picked her bag up last night
from her hotel.
"Of course, take your time in the bath. I want you
relaxed today. We will go shopping for clothes for
Alexandria and you, if you would like?"
"That sounds like fun, Zahir." Serena replied and
headed for the bathroom.
Harmon Rabb stared out the window wondering what had
happened to his friendship with Mac. When he had
returned to flying he felt it was something that he
had to do for himself. He had missed Mac so much he
was terrified to admit it to anyone. Webb was right
to question whether or not he had kept in contact with
his partner. He had avoided contacting her. It hurt
too much to say goodbye at the end of a phone
conversation or a letter. They had emailed back and
forth a couple of times, but they never said anything
personal. It was all about flying or JAG.
When he thought about what Mac had went through while
he was gone he couldn't believe she had survived it.
It also started to make sense of why she had been so
cold upon his return. Their friendship still had not
recovered. He first thought she was just being petty.
Now he knew that her emotions were all over the place
and his return just reminded her that he left her
behind. Harm's dreams were filled with memories of
all the times Mac had been there for him when he
needed someone to watch his six, or for that matter to
kick his sorry six. Mac was the only one willing to
help him find out what had happened to his father.
That night in Sydney haunted him still. He could
remember the hurt she tried to hide in her eyes when
he had said 'only with her' and that he 'couldn't let
go'. She had been reaching out to him with her heart.
A heart that badly needed healing from her last
mission and he couldn't even be honest with her about
his feelings. When she walked away he had felt his
heart begin to hurt, yet he didn't have the courage to
tell her his feelings due to fear. He knew Mac was the
center of his world. His partner, his best friend,
and most of all his strongest supporter. Even if she
didn't agree completely with his answers she would
support him when needed and kick his six when it was
needed more.
He had spent a year watching Mac move on to a
relationship with Mic Brumby, hating it but too scared
to try and fight for her. Mac had came so close to
marrying Bugme. Harm had known that she was not in
love with Brumby but he also realized that she needed
to be loved and he was the one offering her everything
she wanted. The day before her wedding, Harm's plane
had crashed trying to get back for the wedding. Mac
had cancelled the wedding to help in the search for
him. After he was found, Harm expected the wedding to
be rescheduled, however a few days after his rescue,
Mac was no longer wearing an engagement ring. She
never talked about it. 'Did you ever ask if she
needed someone to listen?' a little voice inside his
head asked.
Not wanting to face the answer, Harm switched gears.
The Admiral is going to kick my six if I don't call
him soon. Rabb walked into his bedroom and got an
outside line to call Admiral Chedwiggen.
"JAG office, Petty Officer Tiner."
"Tiner this is Commander Rabb, could I speak to the
Admiral please?"
'Let me see if he is available, sir."
Harm waited for a response.
"Commander, where the hell are you? You were supposed
to be here an hour ago." The Admiral asked loudly.
"Sir, I'm with Mr. Webb." He replied and winced in
preparation for the tirade that would soon follow.
"Dammit Rabb, what did you do follow her?"
"Yes sir. I'm sorry sir but I couldn't let her do
this alone." Rabb replied.
Silence reigned for about two minutes before the
Admiral said. "How is Mac doing? Is she okay?"
"She's doing her job sir. She is shocking the hell
out of me though." Rabb replied. "Why didn't you call
me when the last mission went south Sir?"
"I abided with the Colonel's wishes. She felt that
you would only be worried and you were stationed on
the Patrick Henry. She knew that you probably
couldn't get leave to visit. I don't think she wanted
to get her hopes up that you were coming and then you
couldn't. Only Webb, the SECNAV, myself, and now you
have any idea about this mission. She didn't want
people to know she wasn't the tough Marine Colonel. I
truly thought she might not come back to us."
"Sir was she really that far gone?"
"Very much so Commander. I'm ashamed to say I thought
she was drinking. She was so despondent and out of it
when she returned. I spoke to the staff psychologist
without mentioning names. The psychologist said that
from the description Mac wasn't sleeping, probably
wasn't eating and was slowly sinking back into a dark
place in her mind." Admiral Chedwiggen forced out.
"Webb had told me she had been captured and beaten. I
almost killed him that night. He did find a CIA
operative psychiatrist to speak to Mac."
"Did it help Sir."
"Some. She did snap to and begin to perform her job
again. She had lost the last four cases she had been
assigned. After her treatments with the doctor she
became very ruthless in the courtroom. She destroyed
every opposing witness with such vengeance that she
was twice threatened with contempt charges. All the
witnesses broke though and she won them all. Any
weakness was pushed aside, leaving Marine Colonel
Sarah Mackenzie firmly in control. Mac rarely made an
appearance. The only time she was her old self was
around baby A.J. Brumby stepped in about then with
his unrelenting flirting. At first she was openly
hostile about it, however he eventually wore her down.
Some of Mac began to return. The bantering and
softness was seen a little more regularly."
"God sir I wish I was there to help her..."
"Well Commander here is your chance. Make sure she
comes back safely. I spoke to Webb yesterday. There
will be a JAG investigation that will require Ensign
Webb and Commander Rabb to go to Arabia. All the
details are being downloaded to Webb's laptop. Be
careful Commander. I will give the three cases you
were working on to Matoni and Singer." He replied.
"Sir, you knew I was here before I called?" Rabb
"Yes, Rabb I knew yesterday. I want both of you back
safely, and Commander that is an order." He said as
he hung up the phone.
"So Rabb did A.J. read you the riot act?" Webb asked
as he walked into the room.
"Actually no he didn't. Believe it or not." Rabb
"Come on one of my guys just called. They are leaving
their room."
"Okay let's go"
Serena and Zahir spent the day traveling from
children stores to department stores. By four o'clock
that evening the limo was full of bags and packages.
"I hope you were right about Alexandria's sizes, if
not we'll have to come all the way back to exchange
them." Serena said teasingly.
"I am much better then I use to be. I appreciate my
time with Alexandria more and more. If anything she
now tells me to back off for awhile." He answered.
Zahir knew that he was lacking as a parent when
Alexandria had been taken. He knew very little about
her personality. He loved her as his child but he did
not know her as a person. "I spend at least an hour
or more with her every day now. She will love the
clothes you picked out, especially the hot pink
clothes. She loves pink." He told Serena.
"Let's make one more stop before we head back to the
hotel to pack." She suggested.
"Okay, I know it is time to feed the bottomless pit of
your stomach." He joked.
"Very, very funny. You think you are sooo cute."
Serena teased back. "Smart mouth I was going to
suggest the video store for some more old movies and
some new kids movies for Alexandria."
"Okay I'm sorry for the crack about food. Let's go to
the video store and to make it up to you for the
remark you can get any movies you want."
"Even chick flicks?" Serena asked.
"You don't even like chick flicks. But if that is
what you want I will allow it." Zahir laughed.
"Now I know you want me back in Arabia in a very big
way." She smiled.
An hour later they walked out of the video store with
their arms loaded with bags of videos. They had
bought one of every video available for sale in the
store. The clerk was almost shell shocked in
amazement when they left the store.
"I can't believe we just spent over four thousand
dollars on videos." Serena said in amazement.
"Serena don't worry, Alexandria and her friends will
wear the children's videos out before we know it. The
other videos will be made available for use by anyone
who wants to watch them. They will be very happy with
a new selection."
"Even with the chick flicks?" Serena joked.
"Especially the chick flicks. They will make the
women very happy thus the men will be happy." Zahir
responded. "Come on let's head back to the hotel."
Rabb and Webb watched them enter the Plaza. "It looks
like they bought out the entire city. Between the
clothes bags and the videos, it is a good thing he
uses his own plane. He would never get all that
through customs without huge delays."
"Maybe Mac got her abundance of comfortable shoes. Do
we know when they are leaving?"
"Yeah, according to the flight plan, they are flying
out at 2300 tonight. We have a flight reserved for
ourselves on a commercial airline to Arabia where we
will approach his city as JAG officers. We will be
there to investigate a recent plane crash by an
American pilot on his property. The pilot is
currently being treated in their infirmary." Webb
"Who is the pilot?"
"Keeter? Why in the world would he agree to 'crash' a
plane for you?" Harm asked incredulously.
"Because we informed him about Mac's role in this
mission. He said he owed you and her too much not to
be there to assist you. Mac will be fine Harm. She
is stronger than you give her credit for."
"I know how strong she is Webb. She is an amazing
marine and woman. But that doesn't make me stop
worrying about her." Harm admitted.
Serena packed her new clothes in a suite case while
she listened to the radio play softly in the
background. Without being aware of it, she sang
softly to the song. Serena had seen
Webb and Rabb in the lobby. She knew they were going
to be coming behind her to Arabia. The beauty of the
people and the country had taken her breath away.
Zahir's people had welcomed her with open arms into
their community. When she had overheard that Alexie
had been taken hostage by a man that made Palmer look
like a saint, she could not leave her there. She had
tried to get help, but the CIA felt that it was in
their best interest to do nothing. The marine in
Serena kicked in and she rescued Alexie on her own.
What happened next was something Mac avoided thinking
about at all costs. Now she was returning to a place
full of memories that ranged from wonderful to the
most horrible. Serena pushed these thoughts from her
head and finished packing. Zahir would be back and
ready to go to dinner in about 20 minutes and 43
Zahir and Serena spent their last few hours in America
out on the town. They went to dinner and stopped by
the Blue Note club. Serena was persuaded to sing a
couple songs at the club. Their bags were all packed
and in the limo so they headed to the airport about
2240. As they started their departure Serena laid her
head on Zahir's shoulder and drifted off to sleep.
Halfway to Arabia, Rabb and Webb were discussing the
way they would proceed with their mission.
"Rabb we should beat them to Arabia by about two
hours. Keeter crashed his plane yesterday. We will
go to Zahir's city first thing. You will lead the JAG
investigation because you know what to ask, however
when we get into anything regarding our next step I am
in charge Rabb don't forget that."
"Webb you just remember Mac is the primary concern.
As long as your plan keeps her safe we will have no
problems." Rabb replied. 'Be safe Mac' He thought.
Part 5
Three hours later Harm and Webb entered Zahir's city.
They headed to the main hall, where they were met by a
guard at the gate.
"Can I help you?" He asked.
"Yes, I am Commander Rabb and this is Ensign Webb,
from the JAG core from the United States we are here
to see Captain Anton. If you would please let him
know that we have arrived."
"Certainly, Sir." The guard replied. "Captain Anton
this is Soldier Peritzan at the front gate. Commander
Rabb and Ensign Webb from the United States JAG core
are here to see you. Should I send them up?"
"Yes, Sir I'll send them straight up. Gentlemen park
your car right over there and I will escort you to the
Captain." The Soldier instructed.
They parked and then followed the soldier into the
main hall. The building was three stories high and
designed with clean lines in a modern architecture.
They were led to the second floor and directed to an
office at the end of the hall.
"Commander, Ensign it is pleasure to have you in our
city. I am Captain Anton. Your pilot Keeter is in
the next building at the infirmary if you would like
to see him before we talk further." Captain Anton
explained. "Chancellor Zahir and his wife will be
here shortly."
"Thank you sir. I would greatly appreciate the chance
to see Keeter and to meet
Chancellor Zahir and his wife." Rabb responded.
"Keeter, how are you doing?" Rabb asked as he entered
the infirmary and saw Keeter.
"I'm fine, Commander." Keeter responded and waited
until they were alone. "Webb, Rabb where do we
"Keeter, how have they been treating you? Any
problems like the last time?" Rabb asked referring to
the last time in Iran that Keeter 'crashed' and was
charged with espionage.
"No problems Harm, everything is fine. A broken arm
and some cracked ribs." Keeter replied. "How is
"So far so good. But be prepared she will shock the
hell out of you." Harm replied. "If you see her know
that she is Serena first wife of Zahir."
"You heard me. Just don't mention her name." Rabb
Captain Anton entered the room at that time.
"Commander Rabb, Chancellor Zahir and his wife have
arrived early. If you will follow me, I'll take you
to them. Mr. Keeter they would also like to meet you,
if you feel up to it."
"I'd love to thank them for their hospitality and
medical care." Keeter responded.
"Lead the way Captain." Rabb directed.
Serena was welcomed back with open arms by the people
at the edge of the city. They embraced their
returning Chancellor's wife. She made Zahir stop the
car at every person that she recognized. She made a
point of talking to everyone whose path they crossed.
Zahir felt his love and respect grow for Serena as he
watched her genuine feelings for his people shine
through to every person they met.
"Mahena, how have you been? How are those beautiful
girls of yours?" Serena asked the young woman she was
speaking to. Zahir remembered that Serena had helped
Mahena with her children after the death of her
husband. Mahena had almost given up on life upon his
death, Serena was the only one she would talk to.
After about a week Mahena realized that she still had
two very important reasons to live. Her daughters.
"Serena, I am so glad you are back. You look
wonderful. Maybe just a little haunted?" Mahena
"A little, my friend. But the haunting of the past is
getting better everyday. Thank you for your concern."
Serena replied.
"Always Serena. Come see me tomorrow if you can,
bring Alexandria. She can play with Ana and Lia and
we can have...what is it you love so much..ah coffee."
Mahena said.
"Sounds delightful." Serena replied and hugged her
friend. "I will come by tomorrow."
"Serena come we must meet the Americans." Zahir
interrupted. "They are waiting."
"I'm coming Zahir. Mahena I'll see you tomorrow."
Rabb, Keeter, and Webb sat in a large office waiting
for Chancellor Zahir to arrive. They overheard the
guards speaking on the other side of the door.
"Can you believe Serena is here? I wonder if she is
still as vibrant?" One of the guards asked.
"I don't know how she could be with everything she
went through. I was with the chancellor when we took
Serena to the airport. She could barely speak a
sentence. She looked like she had been to hell and
had not made it back. I watched her flinch from
Zahir's touch. She was terrified. I was almost in
tears myself when she got on that plane." The other
guard replied.
"God, Webb nothing had better happen to Mac this time
"I know, Rabb. Now be quiet there is someone coming."
"Chancellor Zahir. Serena." The guards saluted the
"At ease gentlemen." Zahir instructed as he watched
Serena smile at each guard in acknowledgement. "It is
good to see you both."
"Thank you ma'am." The couple stepped into the
"Commander Rabb I presume." Zahir stated as he shook
hands with Rabb.
"Yes Sir." Rabb responded as he made himself not look
at Serena. "This is Keeter and Ensign Webb."
"Gentlemen." Zahir replied and shook hands with each.
"Let me introduce you to my wife Serena."
"Ma'am." Rabb smiled.
"Gentlemen, welcome to Arabia. If you need anything
please let me know. Tonight we are having a small
celebration to welcome the spring. We would be honored
if you would join us."
"My wife is modest. This celebration is to welcome
her back into our lives. She has been gone for a
"I will leave you men to do your business. I am going
to check on Alexandria and prepare for the
festivities." She leaned over and kissed Zahir's
"Give Alexandria my love, tell her I will see her
The men waited for Serena to leave. They appraised
each other for a few minutes before Zahir offered them
a drink.
"Now Commander, how can we be of assistance?" Zahir
"Chancellor, we just need a couple of days to
investigate the crash of the plane, Keeter's
reactions, and his injuries." Rabb responded.
"Please call me Zahir. We usually do not stand on
formality here. Now Mr. Keeter I believe your version
of what happened and you are free to go as soon as the
JAG investigation is complete."
"Thank you sir."
"Now please let us all retire to our rooms to prepare
for tonight's activities. I believe that my wife has
arranged for some clothes to be placed in your rooms.
Please wear these instead of your uniforms. Your
uniforms at a celebration would make my people
uncomfortable." Zahir instructed.
"We appreciate the gesture Sir and we look forward to
tonight." Rabb responded and shook hands with the
"Alexie, are you in here?" Serena called out in
Alexandria's suite. "Alexie?"
"Boo!" A small voice yelled from behind her.
"Alexie you scared me to death! Look how big you've
gotten! You are so beautiful!" Serena said. "Did
Marcus bring your presents up?"
"Yes he did, they are wonderful clothes and movies. I
can't wait to call my friends and invite them over to
watch them." Alexie rushed out her words. She paused
and looked down at her feet.
"Alexie what's the matter, sweetheart?" Serena asked.
"Serena are you okay? I know Murick hurt you bad."
Alexie whispered.
"Oh'll Alexie, don't worry about me darling. I'm just
fine. Come on let's go for a walk." Serena replied.
She hoped that Alexandria would let it drop, just
thinking about
the past made her nervous.
"Serena will you teach me how to kickbox and to speak
Russian. Daddy said he wasn't sure if you would want
to or not."
"I would love to Alexie. Come on we will check with
your father tonight and if he says okay, we will start
tomorrow. Also Mahena invited us to come visit her
"That sounds like fun, Serena, Daddy doesn't let me go
play very often. He worries." Alexandria replied.
"I know. While we walk we'll stop at some of your
friends houses and invite them over
to spend the night tomorrow. That way you all can
come to the celebration tonight and then they can come
back here tomorrow and have a slumber party." Serena
Part 6
Rabb, Webb, and Keeter walked across the city
courtyard toward the Celebration Hall. The music and
laughter could easily be heard from over a mile away.
"All right Rabb, Keeter you are both on your best
behavior tonight. In other words you need to blend in
at this celebration not stick out. I'm glad Serena
brought us costumes we should blend in rather well
with the others. Do not draw attention to us in any
way. Serena will basically be acting as first lady
tonight do not distract her. These people love her
but if they find out she is spying on Zahir they would
turn on her and us. Don't approach her unless she
comes to you." Webb instructed.
"We're not stupid, Webb, we know how dangerous a
situation we are all in." Rabb responded.
"I know Rabb, I just want to make sure Mac is safe."
Webb whispered. "Smile gentlemen here we go." As they
entered the festival hall, all three stopped in awe of
the brightly decked huge ballroom in front of them.
Deep jewel tone swags of material were draped
throughout the hall. The vibrant colors of the room
were rivaled only by the costumes of the people. The
people danced around lively as they awaited the
arrival of Zahir and Serena.
"Wow!" Keeter forced out.
Before Rabb could respond, a great hush fell upon the
crowd. As they followed the direction the people were
looking, their gaze fell upon the couple of the hour.
Serena entered on Zahir's arm. They were royalty, a
stately king and queen greeting their adoring kingdom.
Zahir was dressed in deep black with gold trim, while
Serena was a vision of red. She wore a deep crimson
shirt off one shoulder made of a flowy veil material
showing off the area between just below her breasts to
low on her hips. A delicate chain of gold circled her
stomach ending in a ruby charm. She wore a skirt of
the same material that fell from low on her hips to
just above her knees. As she moved towards the crowd
the skirt swirled around her. Gold sandals and a gold
anklet with ruby accents completed the exotic image
she portrayed.
"Damn...Rabb what the hell are you waiting for?" Keeter
asked under his breath.
"My people I present to you my wife Serena!" Zahir
"Serena...Serena...Serena!" The crowd chanted.
"Please, please enough of that you will make me cry on
such a happy occasion." Serena interrupted. "I just
want to say how wonderful it is to be back amongst you
all with Alexie and Zahir. Now let's enjoy the
wonderful food and dance the night away!"
The crowd roared as the band started to play.
"Come Serena, are you hungry?" Zahir asked.
"No Zahir, not yet, I am going to check on the
"Alright. Meet me at the head table and bring the
Americans with you." Zahir replied.
Harmon Rabb, Jr. watched Serena weave her way through
the crowd towards him. He felt his breath catch in
his chest. Webb and Keeter were also awestruck by her
beauty as they watched her get stopped almost by every
person. They all welcomed her home and offered their
love and support. Serena had tears in her eyes by the
time she reached the three men.
"Gentlemen is everything to your liking? May we get
anything for you?"
"No, Ma'am we are being well looked after by your
people." Keeter responded. "May I say that you look
"Thank you, you are very kind." Serena glanced at
Harm. "Zahir asks that you join us at the head table.
Please follow me." She led them through the crowd and
whispered "Are you all crazy, you are going to get me
"Serena, we appreciate your gracious hospitality."
Webb said in a normal tone then whispered. "Serena you
were not coming back here without backup."
"You shouldn't be here at all." Rabb whispered
Serena stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face
them. "Harmon Rabb Jr. you are the one who should not
be here!" She whispered back just as harshly. "You
will do as your told and not distract me, do you
"Yes, Ma'am."
The group continued on following closely behind
Serena. Zahir stood and greeted them warmly. "Please
join us. Celebrate my wife's return." They all sat
at the table. Webb, Keeter, and Rabb were all
entranced by the array of food that was placed before
Harm noticed that Serena did little more than pick at
her food.
"So gentlemen, how are you enjoying our city?"
"The city and people are amazing. They have been so
welcoming and open with us, Sir."
"Good I'm glad you are enjoying your stay. Serena,
where is Alexandria?'
"She is on the dance floor over to the left. She is
dancing with her friends. I am going to go and bring
them back to eat." Serena responded.
"Alright but don't get caught up on the dance floor
and not make your way back." Zahir joked.
"Very funny, just for that you can dance by yourself
later." Serena responded as she walked away.
"Ah gentlemen, that woman will be the death of me yet.
She is the perfect woman. I hope that all of you may
one day find a woman as wonderful as her." Zahir
commented as he raised his glass.
"Thank you sir, one can only hope. She is very
attractive. I noticed she is American, may I ask how
the two of you met?" Rabb asked ignoring the look
from Webb.
"Of course, I would be happy to tell you, it is one of
my happiest memories. I traveled to the United
States, which I do often. Serena was in New York at a
club called the Blue Note. She took my breath away.
She enthralled the audience including me. I offered
her a trip to Arabia to sing for my people, which she
flat out refused. I kept offering and she finally
said yes. She is a mixture of features. She is
ultra-feminine but can defend herself and then some.
She has saved my daughter's life. She is one of the
strongest people I have ever met, yet also full of
tragic memories...I'm sorry I'm rambling now."
"I can understand why you would ramble, she sounds too
good to be true." Rabb responded again ignoring the
look he received from Webb.
Zahir's eyes searched for Serena. He watched one of
the little girls with Alexandria hand Serena a note.
She opened it with a smile as Alexie and her friends
raced towards the table. Her smile soon faded as she
read the words enclosed.
Serena's world tilted as the words hit her. She
raised her head frantically searching the crowd with
her eyes. The words swirled in her head echoing back
at her: "I see you! You look lovely in red! I believe
your blood is the same shade? M." She was almost to
the point of hysteria when Zahir and the three
Americans reached her.
"Serena! What happened?" Zahir asked as he took the
note from her. "Dammit, Murick." Serena visibly
flinched just from hearing his name. She forced
herself to push her own fear aside.
"Zahir, where is Alexandria?" Serena almost screamed.
"Zahir, Serena what is the matter?" Rabb asked.
"Commander please stay with my wife I have to find
Alexie." Zahir ordered.
Rabb guided Serena to a quiet corner. His heart bleed
as he watched Mac struggle to control her fear. "Mac
what happened?"
"Webb, Murick wrote that note. He is here. I can't
go through that again...I won't let him r..." Serena
broke off as she pushed Rabb away and rushed towards
Zahir who was heading towards her with Alexandria.
"Alexie, love, are you okay?"
"Serena, I was having fun until Daddy dragged me away
from my friends." Alexie pouted.
"Oh God Zahir he could have gotten to her." Serena
said tearfully.
"Serena calm down I spoke to Ary, she said a soldier
gave it to her to give to Serena." Zahir explained.
"Murick is not here. I told you I would protect you
and I will. Come lets go home."
"No Zahir as much as I would like to curl up and hide,
I will not give him the satisfaction of going into
hiding. He cannot control us this way or he will have
won." Serena protested.
"Alright Serena we will stay for awhile but you are
not to be alone tonight."
Rabb, Webb, and Keeter were finally able to make their
way back to them. "Sir is there anything we can do to
"Actually Commander, can you all stay here with Serena
while I check out security." Zahir answered. "Thank
"Sit down Mac, tell us what was in that note." Webb
"It was a threat from Murick." Serena complied with
the request. "He mentioned the color I was wearing and
that my blood would match perfectly."
Harmon Rabb could not take his eyes off Mac's hands in
her lap where they shook. After five years of being
partners, he could only remember one other time that
he had seen Mac so rattled. After Mac had killed her
attacker in the Appalachian she had been almost
hysterical in getting the blood off of her hands,
which were trembling. Her current fear was a living,
breathing thing that he could feel.
"Mac, take a deep breath." Harm instructed. "We're
here and we will not let anything happen to you."
Mac leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Harm I'm
Rabb's eyes filled with tears at the pain that shone
from her eyes. "Mac..."
"Serena, dance with me, let me hold you." Zahir came
and guided Serena away from Rabb.
"Thank you gentlemen, I will take care of her now."
They began to dance to the gentle tune playing in the
Part 7
Contrary to her brave words, Serena wanted nothing
more than to run as fast and far as she could. Her
mind kept playing with her timeline. Out of nowhere
scenes from her past would appear. She would suddenly
feel Murick on top of her, the pain...
"Serena, I know you are scared but remember I have
tripled security since you were last here and now they
have all been activated. You are safe."
"I know Zahir, but I cannot help but feel fear."
Serena replied.
"I understand Serena, come on lets go home and go to
"Okay, let's go get Alexie from her security guard."
Rabb, Webb, and Keeter watched them walk towards their
home from a distance. They shared a few minutes of
silence and worry before Webb spoke up.
"Okay guys Murick is near and he is our primary
"What!? I thought you wanted Zahir?" Keeter asked.
"Zahir is the means to get to Murick. Serena is the
means to get to Zahir. Murick wants Serena and Zahir
will do anything to make sure that does not happen.
Murick is wanted dead or alive by the U.S.
government." Webb explained. "Don't kill me, this
information is on a need to know basis."
Rabb moved towards Webb forcefully grabbing him by the
shirt. "You listen to me Webb from this moment on I am
to know everything, nothing held back or I swear to
God I will kill you. You put Mac in danger to catch
the man who almost destroyed her. He has found out
she is here just like you wanted. Do you even know
what he looks like?"
"He is approximately 35 years old, 6' 3", 210 lbs,
brown eyes, black hair, and has a hellacious scar on
his right cheek." Webb responded. "My intentions are
to find him before he gets anywhere near Serena. You
know I care for Mac."
"I know Webb, but I can't stand to see her used as
bait." Harmon Rabb forced out.
"Okay Webb, how do we locate Murick?" Keeter
interrupted the emotional exchange.
"Come on let's go back to our rooms, change clothes
and meet in the gardens for the full details." Webb
Zahir had been asleep for almost an hour when Serena
gave up the effort and rose from the bed. She stood
in the moonlight by the window feeling the darkness
that had been her constant companion since Harmon Rabb
Jr., had returned to flying. The darkness had only
intensified after Murick's attack. Mac had always
tried to take control of her life and continued to
fail miserably. From her childhood memories came the
utter feeling of helplessness that followed her. Her
earliest memory was of the sounds of her mother
screaming and the curses that echoed through the
house. She had tried to protect her mother from her
father repeatedly only to feel the brunt of her
father's anger and fists. After her mother had
abandoned her to her father's mercy, things had gone
from bad to worse. Her father's need for complete
domination had grown to the point where Mac's only
escape had been alcohol.
At the age of seventeen she retaliated against her
father with a punch of her own. Her father's pause
was more to his shock than any damage she had
inflicted. His shock faded and was replaced with
rage. He had proceeded to beat her until she passed
out. Even more damaging then his fists, had been his
words. Even today seventeen years later they still
echoed through her head: "Sarah, a whore name, for a
whore. You are just like your mother a two-bit slut
who spread her legs for any man who showed an interest
in her. You are just like her a nice piece of ass but
nobody's future. Between your whore of a mother and
your failure of a father you are doomed to hell on
earth. Remember Sarah any man who seeks you out sees
the whore inside and just wants sex! But of course
that would be what a tramp like you wants!" That was
the last night she spent in his house. She had snuck
out to her boyfriend's house and said she was leaving.
Chris didn't ask any questions, he simply packed his
meager belongings, climbed into his car and drove them
She hadn't loved Chris, but she did care about him.
Her father hated him on sight and that alone was good
enough for her. They were married about six weeks
later. What she didn't realize was that Chris was
just as controlling as her father he was just better
at not having to use violence. They would go out
drinking night after night, and they would return to
their apartment for an argument over her supposed
flirting with anything in pants. She was ashamed to
admit that she was actually relieved when Chris was
arrested and sent to prison. She ran as fast and far
as she could.
She found a small town, got a job and went back to
school. She had graduated even though she had
consumed enough alcohol that last semester to fill two
beer trucks. On graduation night her friend Eddie and
she took off for a ride drinking the whole way. Less
then twenty miles out of town, Eddie lost control of
the car and they crashed into a tree. Mac walked away
with a couple broken ribs and a concussion...Eddie died.
Her guilt took control at that point and she had
hoped to die herself. If her Uncle Matt had not came
along at that time, she knew she would be dead.
She used the chance given to her and made a life for
herself. Less then two years ago, she had had it all.
A great job, comfortable shoes, and hopefully a man
that would eventually see her as more than a friend.
Her controlled world had been rocked by his
announcement that Harm was going back to flying. She
didn't listen to the little voice in her head that
said let him go, don't ask for anything. His response
to her hesitantly hopeful question was "What does love
have to do with anything?" Her heart had stopped in
her chest and cried. She had survived though, and put
him away in her heart. She had accepted this
assignment that ended in hell. She had eventually
moved on and was surviving until Harm's return to JAG.
They had worked together but the comraderie that had
once been their foundation was now gone. She still
did not heed that voice in her head, and confronted
Harm again on the ferry in Sydney, Australia. He had
again rebuffed her advances and told her he was only
that way with her. The words she heard in her head
were her father's: Remember Sarah any man who seeks
you out sees the whore inside. She knew more about
Harmon Rabb Jr. then most people, and knew that he was
as straight arrow as they come and knew that she would
never be good enough, especially after Murick
had....STOP IT! She told herself.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden movement
below her window. She shrank back in fear until the
figure moved again and she could define Harm. She
checked to see if Zahir was still sleeping and picked
up the weapon laying on the bedside table. After
slipping on a pair of slacks and a t-shirt, he moved
out into the garden below. She snuck up on Keeter,
Rabb, and Webb who were in deep conversation in the
middle of the garden.
"Gentlemen." She simply stated as they all spun
around in shock. "Good thing I wasn't the bad guy."
"Mac how are you holding up?" Keeter asked.
"I've been better Keeter, how are you? Is your arm
still bothering you?"
"No Ma'am I'm doing well except for having to referee
the power trip going on between these two." Keeter
responded pointing at Harm and Webb.
"You have my sympathy, I've had that job before, hated
it." She laughed. "Now boys what is the next step to
lure Murick out so you can capture him Webb?"
"Mac how did..?" Webb asked suddenly speechless.
"I knew Zahir wasn't selling weapons, so I figured you
had to be after the bigger fish."
"Damn Mac, do you want a permanent job?" Webb asked
only half-jokingly. "Just kidding, so how do you
think we should proceed?"
"You keep watching for Murick. He will show up before
long. The only reason he hasn't shown himself yet is
the fact that he wants to play mind games with me."
Serena replied. "Zahir, Alexie, and I will be going
shopping in the square tomorrow morning at 0800. It
is an open area where Murick would have the best
chance to get to me."
"Dammit Mac, why did you take this assignment?" Rabb
asked harshly. "You know if he gets you, he will kill
"I am not stupid Harm! I knew the risks going in. But
let me clarify one thing for you if I do come face to
face with Murick he will be the one who dies by my
hand! Now get out of here before anyone sees you
all." Mac ordered before turning back towards the
They watched until Mac was out of sight in the house.
"Alright guys we know where they are going and when.
I agree with Mac, Murick will go for the public
statement." Webb said.
"Webb you just remember if something happens your
first priority is getting Mac out of here safely, NOT
capturing Murick." Rabb instructed.
"Come of guys lets give the threats a break. We have
less then four hours before we have to be at the
square, lets get some sleep." Keeter again became the
voice of reason.
Serena/Mac had just reached the second floor when she
felt something strike her left shoulder. She looked
down to find a dart sticking out. Her last conscious
thought was of Harm.
A figure stepped from the shadows and eased the limp
body over his shoulder. "Ah, sweet vengeance is
mine." The masked figure said softly before slipping
out the way he came in.
Zahir woke at 0630 and reached for Serena. He was met
with only her empty place.
"Serena." He called. "Serena, come back to bed, it
is early yet."
No answering call came back. As he rose from the bed
he noticed a knife stuck in the bedroom door and the
note it held. "Oh God no!" He thought as he pulled
the note down and read the words "Vengeance is Mine".
"Guards!" He screamed.
Part 8
Mac/Serena awoke slowly, her thoughts jumbled from the
drug. As her vision cleared, she tried to move and
pain shot through her shoulders. Serena was suspended
from her wrists from a chain on the ceiling in the
center of a dark room. Her toes barely touched the
ground. Her confusion cleared: "Murick...Oh no."
Mac struggled violently against her restraints until
blood trickled warmly down her arms. She froze at the
sound of a key turning in the lock on the door.
Pretending to still be unconscious, she lowered her
head and let herself hang limply from the shackles.
Three people entered the room and the light was turned
"Wake up Serena! I want you awake the whole time!"
Murick demanded as he threw a bucket of cold water on
her. She couldn't hold back the gasp that escaped.
He grabbed her by the hair and raised her head until
her eyes met his. Mac refused to let the overwhelming
fear show in her expression. She returned his glare
with one of her own.
"My dear Serena," He said in a deceptively soft
almost gentle voice. "You are still beautiful, but
alas not for long."
Mac was shocked by the amount of damage she had
inflicted on his face. She couldn't hide the smile of
satisfaction that spread across her face.
"What are you smiling at Bitch?" He choked out and
backhanded her across the face. Mac felt blood
trickle from the corner of her mouth. "Now who are
you Serena KGB, CIA, Who?"
"I don't know what you are talking about." Serena
"Oh really." He replied and punched her in the
"Yeah really." She taunted back and was promptly
punched twice in the left eye. She could tell that
the eye would be swelled shut within minutes. Before
she could recover he threw a flurry of punches about
her head and face. When he stopped her ears were
ringing and her left eye was swollen shut.
"Scream for me Serena." He ordered.
"Never." She calmly answered.
"You will scream for me."
She smiled softly "Never".
He walked behind her and grasped the neck of her shirt
and ripped it down the back. She jerked away when he
ran his hand down her bare back.
"Such pale, white skin." He pulled out a small knife
and made two inch slashes up and down her back. The
pain was excruciating but she refused to cry out.
"Knife wounds hurt don't they Serena?" He taunted.
"Let's see how strong your will to not scream is."
One of the guards in the room brought over a bowl of
white crystals over to Murick. He took the crystals
and pressed them deeply inside each cut. Mac could
not figure out what he was doing until it started
burning. He had ground salt into her wounds. Blood
poured from her wrists as she writhed in pain. He
came back around to face her enjoying the obvious pain
that she was in. Mac was in so much agony that she
didn't see Murick nod at the guard behind her. The
guard punched her repeatedly in the kidneys. Mac bit
her lip trying to keep the scream that fought to be
freed from escaping. She forced herself to continue
to glare at him and to not show how close she was to
breaking. Murick's rage increased at her defiance.
"Damn you, you will scream for me!" He bellowed. He
threw a punch into her stomach and heard her ribs
crack. Mac succumbed to the pain and passed out.
Zahir rushed through his home yelling for the guards.
After they were assembled, Zahir addressed them.
"Get every available man here NOW! Serena has been
taken by Murrick." Zahir ordered.
The men rushed to do his bidding with the thoughts of
the lovely Serena in their mind.
The commotion spread throughout the town eventually
reaching the marketplace where Rabb, Webb, and Keeter
were waiting for Serena and Zahir. Zahir's right hand
Marcus stood on top of a car in the middle of the
"I need every available man to Zahir's home as soon as
possible. Serena has been taken from us again. We
will go and find her but we need more men to cover the
possible locations. We will move out within three
hours." Marcus said.
Harmon Rabb Jr. turned on Webb and Keeter. "Damn you
Webb if she's hurt I will kill you." He threatened.
"Get ready to kill me then, because if Murrick has her
she is hurt. We must concentrate on finding her then
we will discuss killing me. The longer she is with
him, the less chance we have of getting her out."
Webb responded.
"Webb is right, Harm. We have to think of Mac and how
to find her and get her out."
Keeter mediated. "Let's go."
Keeter headed toward Zahir's home. Rabb and Webb
followed a few paces behind him.
"Rabb, there is something I have to tell you before we
find Mac. When Mac was captured before she was beaten
but she was also .... raped." Webb forced the words
"Mac would never talk about it, she told the doctors
and they put it in her medical records. We found out
later. The reason I'm telling you this now, is it may
have happened again."
"Good God...poor Mac." Rabb whispered as the shock
settled in. "No wonder she wasn't herself. She had
to have been in so much pain. And being the stubborn
jarhead that she is she didn't let anyone help her."
"I don't believe so. I wanted to tell A.J. but Mac
was adamant that the particulars of her injuries not
be revealed. She went through so much emotionally and
was so alone. I believe that is why she ended up with
Mic. When she came back, she was very different very
affected by the mission. Mic made the effort to treat
her like he always had. He didn't react when she cut
him to ribbons with her words. He was just there and
eventually he made her respond to him. He took her to
lunch on particularly bad days and surprised her with
flowers at the office, unsigned of course. She
eventually came back to something similar to the old
Mac. But the spirit and spark that made Mac Mac was
just not there. I'm afraid this mission may destroy
what was left."
"Dammit Webb, she will come back from this mission
alive and she will with the help of me, put her life
back together. My ninja-girl will come back...I've
missed her." Rabb emotionally forced out. "I have a
new respect for Mic, he helped her when I couldn't.
You were right when you said I didn't keep in contact
with her. Saying goodbye was so hard, I didn't want
to have to do it again in a letter or on the phone.
Our emails and phone calls were few and only about our
work. I should have known something was wrong."
"Rabb, Webb come on we are almost there." Keeter
pointed out as the two men hurried to catch up. They
could see Zahir separating his men into six groups.
"We have six possible locations for Murrick and his
men. Check in with your team leader and get your
weapons and assignments. Please be careful and bring
Serena back to us. A moment of silence please:
"Allah please bless our search for Serena. Watch over
her until we can reach her. She is a shining light of
love, strength, and hope in our world. Please do not
extinguish it. We thank you for your blessings and in
your blessed name we pray, Amen."
They pushed their way to Zahir.
"Zahir, what can we do to help?" Rabb asked.
"Ah Mr. Rabb thank you. We actually have seven
locations targeted but only enough men to cover six,
do you think you all could take the seventh?" Zahir
asked his fear almost palpable. At Rabb's nod, Zahir
continued. "It is an old abandoned church about one
hundred and fifty miles from here. Stay on the road
to the east, the church sets off the road on the
right. It sits back about 700 yards from the main
road and is surrounded by trees. We do not believe he
will take her there, however, we cannot ignore the
"We understand, Zahir. Where can we get
transportation and weapons?"
"Check in with Marcus he will direct you. We will all
head out in about two and a half hours. Get some food
from the hall and some sleep." Zahir ordered and
walked off.
"Let's go." Webb instructed and the three men with
Part 9
Mac/Serena came back to consciousness slowly, every
nerve in her body burned in pain. When she forced her
eyes open, she was greeted with a new view. As she
surveyed the room her eyes were drawn to the chain
that swayed gently from the ceiling. She realized
that she was in the same room but in a different part
of it. She was tied spread eagle to a cot located in
one corner of the room. Flashes of memory unwillingly
came to her mind. An image of Murrick pressing her
down forcing himself into her repeatedly, enveloped
her mind. Another image quickly replaced it. This
was of two of his guards taking their turns. The
final image was of a solid white room and a feeling of
"No not again. I can't live through this again." She
whispered in the damp stillness of the room. Mac
could bear the beating, but the rape had cut into her
soul slowly tearing it apart.
The door slowly opened and Murrick walked in. "Ah I
see you are awake and waiting for me." Murrick
trailed his hands across her breasts.
Mac's mind rebelled at the touch and willed her body
to jerk away. However, Mac had come to a decision.
He would not rape her again.
"That feels so good." Mac forced herself to smile and
"Serena you are such a little tramp." Murrcik
responded and pinched her nipples.
"Mmm....harder...let me touch you.." Mac moaned.
"I will release one hand only."
"Whatever you want. Please just keep doing that."
She moaned loudly as he again roughly fondled her.
He released her hand and she traced his mouth with her
fingers and then slowly trailed them down his chest.
"Take off your clothes I want to touch you." She
begged fighting the revulsion that threatened to take
He pulled off his clothes and used his knife to cut
away her bra.
"Touch me.' She breathed as she played with his chest.
He leaned over and suckled at her breasts. She
groaned, part in fake pleasure and part in pain. Her
chest was covered in a massive amount of bruises.
"Lean closer, I can't reach you with my other hand. I
want to touch all of you." She begged.
He ripped her underwear off and stretched out full
length on top of her. He released her other hand.
She let both hands play along his body. He groaned
when she reached between them and cupped him in her
hand. She waited for his eyes to close in pleasure.
When he did, she was ready. She rammed her right hand
into his nose, while kneeing him in the groin. He
groaned in pain as she pushed him onto the floor. She
followed up the first assault with a kick to the
stomach and one to the side of his head. The kick to
the head knocked Murrick out.
Mac slipped on his shirt since hers was ruined and
pulled on her pants. She picked up Murrick's gun from
the floor and placed it in the waistband of her pants
as she slid her shoes on. She was heading for the
door when Murrck stood up behind her.
"Where do you think you are going Serena? I am not
finished with you, especially now."
"What you don't seem to realize is I have the gun and
the power." She replied and pulled the gun on him.
"Please make a move I would love to kill you."
"You don't have it in you. Remember the last time
Serena. You screamed then. I hear they locked you in
a psychiatric ward afterwards. Look your hand is
trembling." Murrick replied and stepped closer.
"Take one more step and I will shoot you." Mac
answered and cursed herself for the tremor in her
"Guards!" Murrick screamed.
"Okay that counts as a step." She said and shot him
in the shoulder. Murrick collapsed, more from shock
then from damage. No matter how much she wanted him
to die she could not kill him in cold blood.
Mac rushed to stand behind the door just as a guard
walked in. She raised her hand to bring the gun down
on his head, but her luck had run out. The beatings
had taken their toll on her body and she was slower to
respond to the second guard that entered. He grabbed
her arm. She struggled with what little strength she
had left but against the two guards she was quickly
lost. One of the guards threw her against the cement
wall, where her head made a sickening crack. Mac felt
a sharp pain and then nothing. Murrick watched her
collapse unconscious to the floor.
"Bring Pavel to me." Murrick ordered requesting the
medic amongst his soldiers.
Keeter drove the jeep like a madman along the dirt
road Zahir had directed them to use. Webb and Rabb
held on for dear life, fearing that their kidneys
would never recover. They had been on the road for
nearly three hours and knew they were close to the
abbey. Keeter pulled off to the side of the road. "I
think the abbey is just up on the right. See the peak
above the trees?"
"Great eyes, Keeter, let's go." Rabb responded.
"Rabb, wait it is almost dark. We have a better
chance if we attack under the cover of darkness. We
will do some distance surveillance and then go in as
soon as it gets dark."
"Alright Webb. We'll do it your way for now." Rabb
said reluctantly.
Part 10
In the dark cement room, barely 1000 yards from them,
Mac was again hanging from the chain. She hung limply
trying in vain to open her eyes. She knew that unless
she could wake up, she could not escape. After trying
for almost an hour, Mac finally was able to get her
eyes to focus. The screams that had been suppressed
for so long threatened to escape. Her body drifted
from numbness to excruciating pain.
After having the graze on his shoulder tended to,
Murrick said "Pavel, bring me the flashfire and three
syringes." Murrick instructed. "The ultimate revenge
will be mine. Good man, Pavel. Now the first dose I
want to be half the normal, just a taste of things to
come. The second syringe triple the normal dose and
in the third syringe quadruple it."
"But Sir, it is highly unlikely that she will be able
to survive that combination." Pavel pointed out.
"That's fine Pavel. If she survives I get to play
with her a little longer, if not she dies in lots of
pain. It is what do the Americans say...a win, win
proposition." Murrick explained. "Let me have the
first one."
"Yes Sir." He replied. Although he could not be
called a good man, Pavel could not help but feel that
this was something he could not stay and watch. He
had seen many men be tortured by this drug, but to do
it to a beautiful woman even one as deadly as this
one, was more then he could stand. "Call me if you
need anything else Sir."
Taking the first syringe out of the box Pavel had
brought him, Murrick entered the room. "Good you are
"How's the shoulder?" Serena asked mockingly.
"Funny." He replied and backhanded her across the
mouth. "All joking aside, Serena, I will have my
revenge. Have you ever heard of a drug called
Flashfire? Probably not, it is used heavily by the
former KGB. It is basically a highly addictive drug
that runs through the nervous system like flames on a
grill. After two doses you would kill Alexandria
yourself to get another dose just to keep the
withdraws at bay. If you survive the dosage."
Murrick injected the drug into her arm. It coursed
through her veins infecting the nerves as it went. He
had not exaggerated that it was like a fire coursing
through her body. Seeing that the drug was taking
effect, Murrick released her wrists and watched her
collapse to the floor. Her hands jerked in spasms as
she pulled herself across the floor away from him. He
stomped on her left hand, feeling at least one finger
Mac had managed to pull herself to one corner of the
room. The pain continued to intensify. Moans escaped
from her, as she curled up in upon herself closing her
eyes trying to fight the heat that was erupting inside
her. A sudden noise in the room startled her into
opening her eyes and trying to scan the room. Her
vision was tinged in black and the room swayed
dizzyingly around her. Memories flashed before her
like a video in fast forward. A father's abuse, a
mother's abandonment, a husband's manipulation, a
boyfriend's death, a fiancee's need for control, a
friend's friendship and rejection. They played over
and over until she was ready to scream just on the
chance it could make them stop. Murrick's presence
was still in the room, however he was nothing more
than a shadow compared to the show playing in her
head. Time passed, the pictures slowed, and her
vision cleared. Her breathing slowed almost to the
normal rate.
"Well Serena, how was your first round at half the
normal dose? See anything interesting? I'll give you
five minutes to recover then we will triple the
recommended dose." Murrick taunted and walked out.
Mac struggled to gain what was left of her senses and
tried to prepare for one last escape attempt. She
knew that failure meant death. 'Maybe that wouldn't
be so bad' she thought. Scanning the room searching
for anything she could use as a weapon, she came up
empty. She stayed in the corner faking
unconsciousness when Murrick returned.
"Ready for round two?" Murrick asked.
Dusk finally came, and not a second too soon for
Harmon Rabb Jr.. They had scouted the area around the
abbey. Five guards were inside, but no sign of Mac or
Murrick. Within thirty minutes they would enter the
abbey and Mac would be safe. Webb's revelation played
with his mind: "She was raped." How could she survive
that again? He knew Mac almost as well as she knew
herself. She had buried the mission and its
repercussions, just like she hid her father's abuse.
He doubted she had confided to Mic that she had been
raped. Harm had known something was wrong when he
returned but he had let his jealousy of Mic and his
self-pity to keep him from pursuing the problem.
Their friendship had went downhill quickly after that.
"I will help you get past this, Mac." He promised.
"No matter what has happened."
"Rabb, Keeter, take up positions. We go in 24
minutes." Webb ordered and they all headed for their
predetermined spots of entry. They had decided that
the best recourse was to go in from all sides
simultaneously and take them by surprise.
"Remember Webb, Mac's safety comes first!" Rabb said
"I know Rabb, let's go."
Mac waited for Murrick to get close enough to inject
her with the needle and then attacked. She kicked him
first in the groin and then in the face when the first
blow bent him over. She pushed him away and ran for
the door. Again luck was not on her side, the drug
and the beatings were affecting her motor controls.
Halfway across the room Mac stumbled to her knees.
She scrambled to her feet, but it was too late.
Murrick had recovered and grabbed her by the hair.
"That is it, Bitch!" Murric spat out and pushed the
needle into her neck. As the drug entered her system,
it affected her immediately. The fire raced through
her, the memories flashed quicker and with more
impact, and her control was gone. She collapsed
against him. Murrick simply dropped her and headed
for the door.
"I'll be back Bitch, to hear you scream!" Murrick
shouted and walked out. "Guard, radio for the
helicopter we leave in twenty minutes."
"What about the women, Sir?" The guard asked.
"She will go with us if she lives." Murrick answered.
This time was a hundred times worse. Instead of the
memories being like a video tape, she was pulled into
them. Every emotion tore through her fragile hold on
sanity. All the fear and pain she had ever
experienced, she relived in vivid detail. Mac knew
she had barely survived the original trip through her
life, now they were pushing her into a darkness that
she knew she couldn't escape from. Memories of
Bosnia, the Appalachian mountains, Russia swirled
around her. Pain, physical and mental were fighting
and ripping her soul apart. Screams echoed inside her
head as she refused to give them voice. The drug
removed all of her bearings. Suddenly she could not
figure out where she was and why, all she knew was
pain and confusion. Mac was so deep in the blackness
that she did not hear the gunshots rip through the
Part 11
Rabb, Keeter, and Webb quickly disposed of the
resistance that met them on the way. Mac and Murrick
were still unaccounted.
"Spread out and find Mac and Murrick." Webb ordered.
Rabb moved slowly down a corridor opening every door
carefully. At the very end of the corridor he found a
locked door. He opened the little window on the door
and glanced into the room. At first glance, it
appeared empty. Just as he was about to continue on,
he saw a small figure balled up in the far corner.
"Mac!" He yelled at the still figure. There was no
response from his call or the breaking down of the
door. He rushed towards her. She was sitting with
her back to the corner and her knees drawn to her
chest with her forehead resting on her knees.
"Mac?" Harm asked and touched her arm. Her head
jerked up and her right hand punched him in the jaw.
Harm reared back in shock more than in pain. Her
punch was lacking any strength and her eyes stared
vacantly at him. Mac's face was bruised and swollen
and her clothes were speckled with blood. He could
see bruising around her neck, her wrists were
lacerated and bleeding, and she had a cut on the back
of her head. Her hands shook violently on her knees
as she looked right through him.
"Mac, can you hear me?" No response. "Mac we have to
get out of here, Webb and Keeter are with me, we are
here to get you out." Harm grasped her quivering
hands and tried to pull her to her feet. She couldn't
stand, so he quickly picked her up and cradled her in
his arms. His fear increased as she gave no
indication that she was aware of anything. As he
headed towards the door, he noticed an empty syringe
on the floor. "Oh God." He thought as he picked up
the syringe and slipped it into the weapons pouch on
his hip.
Mac curled her arm around his waist. Harm had almost
reached the end of the hall when her hand brushed
against the gun at his waist. As her vision began to
clear, she saw Murrick behind them with a gun pointed
at her. "No!" She yelled as she pulled Harm's gun and
shot three times. The first two hit him in the chest
and third between the eyes. Murrick got off one shot
striking Mac in the right shoulder. Rabb whirled
around to see Murrick slump to the floor.
"Mac?" He looked at her in shock realizing what she
had done.
"Harm." She breathed as darkness engulfed her and the
gun slipped from her hand.
"Mac, you stay with me. You hear me Marine?" Harm
demanded and ran towards the exit as he spoke into the
radio. "Webb, Keeter, I've got Mac, let's go!"
"Rabb, we haven't found Murrick yet." Webb protested.
"He's dead! Let's go Webb! She's in really bad
shape!" Rabb replied.
"But..never mind. Head to the jeep, I'll wait for
Keeter." Webb replied. Before Harm could get
outside, the distant sounds of a helicopter could be
"Stay inside. I'll secure the chopper." Webb
Webb waited for the pilot to land the helicopter and
head towards the abbey. He stepped out of the shadows
gun ready. "Hold it right there."
"Who the hell are you?" The pilot forced out before
pulling out his gun. Webb quickly took the pilot out.
"Rabb, Keeter it's clear come on out. Keeter get this
bird ready to fly. Rabb you and Mac get secured in
the back." Webb directed. Five minutes later they
were airborne.
"Rabb, how is Mac doing?" Webb asked.
"Not good, Webb. She has a gunshot wound to her right
shoulder, her back is covered in blood, she's cold and
clammy to the touch, her body is shaking in spasms,
and her body is covered in bruises. I found a syringe
in the room where I found her." Rabb explained.
"Any track marks?"
"Looks like one injection in the arm and maybe one in
the neck. Her pulse is thready. Step on it Keeter"
Rabb replied. Addressing Mac he said "Mac, wake up!
Come on Mac answer me!" He demanded. "Lt Colonel
Sarah Mackenzie, wake up!"
Mac heard the order and moaned as she tried to comply.
After repeated attempts, she forced her eyes open.
Her vision was still blurry, but she could make out
Harm's face.
"Harm." She forced out. "Don't . . .leave . . me."
"Never, Mac. I'll never leave you, but you have to
hold on. We're almost to the hospital. Promise me
you will hold on." Rabb demanded.
"Promise." Mac breathed out before slipping back into
"I'm holding you to that Marine." Harm said. "How
much longer, Keeter?"
"Thirty more minutes."
"Make it fifteen." Rabb ordered.
"Hold on." Keeter instructed and red-lined the helo.
Webb picked up the radio and contacted the hospital.
"We are in route with a critical patient, ETA 15
minutes have Dr. Simmons standing by."
"Understood, Sir. Dr. Simmons is standing by, he will
meet you on the roof, Over."
Five minutes from the hospital, convulsions ripped
through Mac's body. Her eyes were open and staring.
"Oh God Mac, hold on!" Harm begged as they made their
descent onto the hospital roof, where they were met by
two orderlies with a gurney. Rabb laid her gently on
the waiting gurney. They rushed her quickly inside.
"Sir, you need to follow that nurse and give her all
the medical information you have. Her name is
"The information could help save her life." The
orderly cut off his protest.
"Okay, but please take good care of her. She can't
die, do you understand?!" Rabb demanded.
"Sir, we will do everything we can."
Part 12
Harmon Rabb, Jr. impatiently gave all the information
he had on Mac's medical history to Rachel. After
finishing with her, Rabb paced the halls waiting for
information. Webb made the necessary phone calls to
the Admiral, the SECNAV, and his boss. Admiral
Chedwiggan was on his way.
Mac's convulsions had stopped thanks to a large dose
of medication.
Dr. Simmons was a CIA doctor ordered to available in
Arabia. He had worked for the CIA for over 12 years
and who had seen things that one should never see.
Yet examining this young woman's bruised and broken
flesh, he felt sick with the knowledge of what she had
been through. They had already set the two broken
fingers on her left hand, put stitches in the
lacerations on her wrists, cleaned the cuts on her
back which were infected, taken X-rays, and were ready
to take her to surgery to remove the bullet from her
shoulder. The convulsions began again. "Dammit,
where is that toxicology report?"
"Right here, Doctor." A nurse replied as she rushed
into the room, handing the report to him.
"Damn, it's a combination of drugs, some kind of
cocktail. Get Webb in here, he's in the waiting
room." He ordered. "Increase her dose, we have to
get those convulsions to stop."
"Doctor, what can I do?" Webb asked staring at Mac's
body shaking in spasms. "Oh God."
"Webb look at this toxicology report, does any of it
sound familiar? We can't figure out what drug they
gave her. We need to stop the convulsions before we
move her to surgery." Dr Simmons asked.
"Damn, it's Flashfire. It's a designer cocktail of
drugs. They are highly addictive. Let me call and
get you treatment information. How is she besides the
"She's not doing well. The bullet's lodged against
her shoulder blade, her ribs are all broken or
cracked, she has slashes up and down her back that
were infected and had to have stitches, but I'm more
worried about this drug." Simmons replied.
"Okay, let me get the information you need. Is there
anyway Commander Rabb can see her? He's going crazy
out there." Webb asked.
"Go ahead and send him in, she's slipping away from us
maybe he can pull her back." Simmons responded as he
watched Webb walk out the door.
"Rabb, the doctor said you can go in and see her."
"Thanks Webb." Rabb responded and rushed into the
room only to stop in shock from seeing the battered
body of Colonel Sarah Mackenzie in the light of the
hospital. "Oh God. Mac?"
"Commander, I am Doctor Simmons. She is very weak and
just plain exhausted physically and mentally. Talk to
her, let her know she's not alone." He instructed as
he left the room.
"Mac, you look like hell, Marine. You are still
beautiful. Show me that hard-ass Marine that is Lt.
Colonel Sarah Mackenzie! I don't want you to leave me
alone Sarah. You mean too much to me. We let
ourselves drift apart. I let fear keep me from
telling you how I feel about you. You are my anchor
in this life, Sarah, you have been since that first
day in the rose garden. You are an amazing woman with
a heart that has been so bruised. I wanted to come to
you after you cancelled your wedding to Bugme, sorry
Brumby. I was scared that you wouldn't want me after
all the pain we have caused each other."
Mac could feel herself drifting through the pain,
feeling Harm's presence even if she couldn't make out
his words. He held her right hand loosely in his.
She gathered her strength and squeezed gently.
"Mac, can you hear me?" Rabb asked in shock. "If you
can squeeze my hand again."
A few minutes later she did.
"You're going to be fine, Mac. The doctor is going to
take good care of you. I'm not leaving your side."
Rabb promised.
Mac forced her eyes to open, trying to get them to
focus. "Harm." She forced out.
"It's okay Mac, you are safe. I'm giving you an order
here Colonel, so you listen carefully. You are to
fight with all the stubborn, mule headed, Marine
spirit do you here?" Rabb ordered, his voice quickly
filled with emotion and the end he was somewhere
between crying and shouting.
"Yes . . . Sir." Mac forced out and smiled softly.
"Harm.." Her words were cut off by another wave of
"Doctor Simmons!!!" Harm yelled terrified by the fear
and pain on his partner's face.
Part 13
Mac whimpered as the movie projector that had been
stopped inside her head, kicked back on and images
raced at her. The fear and pain of the past flooded
through her soul. This time new images appeared.
Images of shooting Murrick repeatedly but seeing the
bullets bounce off as he continued to walk towards her
smiling and saying the same thing over and over.
"Scream for me Serena! Serena, scream for me!"
"No, No, No." Mac mumbled and tossed on the bed.
"Mac, hold on the doctor is coming." Rabb tried to
reassure her, just as Dr. Simmons burst into the room.
"Damn, she's convulsing again. Commander Rabb go find
Webb and tell him I need that treatment information,
Now! Her body cannot take these convulsions." Dr.
Simmons instructed as he increased the anti-convulsion
drugs she was receiving.
"Webb! Webb!" Rabb ran through the hallway yelling
for Webb. He had already searched the immediate area
surrounding Mac's room.
"Rabb, I'm right here, calm down this is a hospital
you know." Webb said tersely and then noticed the
fear and panic on Rabb's face. "What's wrong?"
"Mac's convulsing again. Dr. Simmons asked me to find
you and get the treatment information." Harm
explained as he dragged Webb back towards Mac's room.
"Okay, I have the information right here. He injected
her with Flashfire, which is a designer drug of choice
for Intel ops. It only takes about two doses to be
addictive. From what the doctor said they found two
points of injection: the one on her left arm and one
directly into the neck. From the toxicology report
she had enough in her system for four doses. The drug
itself causes severe hallucinations dealing with
memories. You basically revisit every bad thing that
has ever happened to you only more vividly and with
more emotional damage. Cold turkey is the only
withdrawal method that works, however we may have to
give her one more dose to get her through the surgery.
The cycle starts at injection with a flood of
disturbing memories. After about thirty minutes the
images start to fade and a calm takes over that lasts
about an hour, then the cycle starts again only more
violent images. Withdrawal from Flashfire can take up
to 5 days with the visions and hallucinations becoming
more and more disturbing. Two of the five CIA agents
that went through withdraw from this drug took their
own lives about half way through detox. Any
medications the doctor prescribes will only serve to
prolong the withdrawal. Another dose will give her
thirty minutes of Hell, then an hour of no convulsions
to see her through her surgery. Dr. Simmons believes
the convulsions are a result of the mixture of drugs
and beatings.
"God Webb, I wish I had been the one to kill him."
Harm admitted.
"You still haven't told me what happened. Let me give
the doctor the information and then you can fill me
in." Webb instructed.
"Okay." Rabb replied. Two hours had passed since the
helicopter had landed on the roof. 'God please help
her to survive this.' He prayed. The thought of
someone forcing his Sarah made him want to kill.
"Rabb, let's sit over here." Webb instructed. "Now
tell me what happened."
"I found her in a small room, I almost didn't see her.
She was curled up, as tight as she could in a far
corner. When I touched her she struck out a hit me in
the jaw." Rabb explained.
"What?" Webb asked incredulously.
"She didn't even see me Webb. I don't know if she had
forced herself to hide inside herself or if the drugs
caused it. Her punch had no strength behind it. I
tried to help her stand but she couldn't, so I picked
her up and we headed out. Her arm was around my
waist. Mac pulled the gun I had in my waistband and
shot three times behind us before I could even turn
around. When I turned around I saw Murrick fall to
the floor with his gun pointed in their direction. He
was hit twice in the chest and once between the eyes.
Murrick got off one shot, which hit Mac in the right
shoulder. She passed out soon afterwards." Rabb
"Damn Rabb, she did say that the next time they met
she would kill him. I guess that just reinforces what
we already knew." Webb replied.
"What's that Webb?"
"Don't anger that Marine."
"Amen to that." Rabb responded.
Dr. Simmons came out of Mac's room. "Gentlemen, the
lab has just created a match for the drug that was
left in the syringe. Are you sure about giving her
another dose, Webb?"
"No Doctor, I'm not. But can she survive the survive
the surgery if the convulsions or spells hit during
it?" Webb asked.
"Probably not, her vitals drop too low when it hits.
She will react horribly when we inject her." Dr.
Simmons answered.
"Can I stay with her until they take her up for
surgery?" Rabb asked.
"Definitely, go on in. I'll bring the drug in, in a
few minutes. It's up to you if we should tell her
before we do this."
"God Webb how do I tell her we are sending her back to
Hell?" Rabb asked.
"Rabb, she will go back to that Hell anyway from the
last dose. This dose just gives her a better chance
to survive." Webb replied. "Keeter is upstairs in
room 352, we've set up an office there. I'll be there
if you need me."
"Okay, Webb." Harm replied and walked into Mac's
room. "Hey Ninja-girl. Can you hear me?"
"Harm." Mac replied softly.
"Yeah'll Baby." Harm smiled.
"You . . .okay?" Mac asked.
"Yes, I'm fine, you are the one in the hospital."
"Murrick . . . shot . . . you.."
"No Honey, the bullet hit you, not me." Harm replied.
"Murrick . . dead." Mac asked and forced her eyes
open staring at Harm with fear and hope.
"Yes Sweetie. He's dead."
"Good." Mac replied. "Baby . . Honey . . Sweetie?"
"So I'm a little emotional, sue me." Harm said with
tears in his eyes. "Mac the drug he gave you is very
heavy duty."
"Really." Mac asked sarcastically.
"Cute Mac. We have to give you one more dose, Mac to
get you through the surgery. Then you will go cold
turkey Marine." Harm replied. "Can you tough it out
"Okay . . but you stay with me?" Mac asked.
"I'm not leaving you Mac." Harm answered.
Dr. Simmons entered the room. "Well is the patient
"Ready." Mac forced out as he injected the drug into
her arm. The fire raced quickly up her arm. She
gasped and fought to escape from the new images before
"Scream for me Sarey! Scream for me!" Murrick yelled
and shot her in the chest. But as she reached for her
chest she saw Rabb in front of her with blood pouring
from his chest. "No!" She yelled. "Harm! Harm!"
"Oh, Mac. I'm right here! You are going to be fine!"
Harm tried to sound calm while fighting his panic at
her continuing struggles to get off the bed. Her eyes
were wide and staring directly at him, but he knew she
wasn't seeing him. Before anyone could stop her, Mac
jumped off the bed and moved to the corner of the room
where she slid to the floor. Within minutes she was
in the same position that he had found her in at the
She rocked slightly back and forth. "Make it stop.
Make it stop. Make it stop." She chanted as her body
shook in spasms.
Harm met the doctor's eyes pleading with him to take
her pain away. "Doctor..."
"Kneel beside her, Commander, she still has another
twenty minutes before the drug will start to wear off.
Let her know that she is not alone. I'll get the OR
ready to go as soon as it passes." Dr. Simmons
Harmon Rabb Jr. knelt beside what was left of his
fearless Marine partner and felt like crying. She had
survived so much, mostly on her own. Could she make
her way through this? He would be with her no matter
what. He had promised he wouldn't leave her and he
vowed to never break that promise.
Mac fought the images and the reactions to them. Her
hands shook violently. She couldn't find Harm. He
promised he wouldn't leave but he wasn't there. Tears
slipped past her tightly closed eyes. A face
materialized before her: her father's face in a
rage...then it became her mother's, then Chris',
Eddie's, Dalton's, John's, Mic's, and Harm's. No Harm
shouldn't be in that group. 'But he's not here is
he?' A little voice inside her asked. He left you
too. "No." Mac moaned.
"Easy Mac. You're going to be fine. I'm right here."
Harm soothed and rubbed her hands which trembled
Mac heard his voice from a great distance. "Harm,
you're here." She thought and forced herself to open
her eyes. Blinking rapidly she tried to clear the
blurry images around her. "Harm?"
"Yeah'll Sarah , I'm right here."
"Will . . . you . . . hold . . . me?" Mac pleaded.
"Come here, Baby." Rabb said and pulled her into his
lap. Careful not to hold her too tightly, he rocked
her like he would a baby. Convulsions ripped through
her in uncontrollable spasms that terrified Harm. He
hummed softly in her ear. Mac suddenly slumped
against him. "Mac. Mac. Dr. Simmons!"
"It's okay Commander, she's just exhausted from the
drugs. Nurse, check her vitals and call the OR, tell
them ETA five minutes. Rabb if she comes to, tell her
what is going on." He ordered and left to get ready
to perform the surgery.
Harm lifted her off the floor and laid her on the bed.
Mac moaned softly when he let go of her. "Mac, honey
can you open your eyes for me?"
Mac opened her eyes and gazed at Harm. "Harm, I love
you." She forced out before letting the darkness steal
over her again.
Harm stood there looking down at her stunned by her
words. Two orderlies entered the room and transferred
Mac to a gurney and headed for the elevator. "Sir,
you need to stay here."
"Okay." Harm responded absently, still in shock from
Mac's revelation. The orderlies were entering the
elevator when Harm realized he needed to tell Mac
something. He called to the orderlies to wait. He
bent over her and whispered into her ear "I love you
too Ninja-girl."
Part 14
Mac had been in surgery for over an hour and a half
when Keeter and Webb found Rabb in the waiting room
near the Emergency Room. "Harm, any word on Mac?"
Keeter asked.
"Not yet, but she will be fine." He answered fiercely.
"We know Rabb." Webb replied. "That jarhead
mentality will keep her going. A.J. called they are
about an hour out."
"Good." Rabb replied. "Dammit Webb the seizures
would have started again by now."
"I know. Let me go check with the nurse's station."
"Thanks, Webb." Rabb said.
"How are you holding up, Rabb?" Keeter asked.
"I'm terrified but at the same time furious. Keeter, I
don't know what I will do if she doesn't..." He stopped
as Clayton Webb and Dr. Simmons walked towards them.
"Doctor, how is Mac?"
"Sit down Commander." He instructed. "She came
through like a strong soldier. We had one scare but
she handled it well."
"What scare?" Harm demanded.
"She went into convulsions about half way through the
surgery. But we retrieved the bullet. The concussion
and trauma caused by the beating combined with the
drug will keep her pretty out of it for the next week.
We will keep her on sedatives until morning. The
withdrawals will start then. She can't be left
"She won't be alone Doctor, trust me on that one."
Rabb stated firmly.
"Good because she is going to need a friend and
someone to lean on. From the way she has fought to
survive so far, I think she will need some strong
support to see her through to the end. The orderlies
will move her back into her room within about thirty
minutes. I'll check on her then." Dr. Simmons
"Thanks Doc, for everything."
The hours passed slowly as Harm listened to the steady
beep of the machine monitoring Mac's condition.
Twelve hours had passed since the rescue. Keeter and
Webb had come by to check on Mac. They had spent the
hours dealing with the fallout from the rescue. They
had found evidence at the abbey of a weapons sale
scheduled between Murrick's group and an Iranian
terrorist group. Webb and Keeter led a team of agents
into the mix and confiscated a million dollars in
weaponry and cash. They had also arrested thirty-six
people. They had also retrieved Murrick's body.
Zahir had not been contacted about Mac/Serena's
condition. They had decided to wait until Mac was
over the withdrawal.
He had spent the last two hours cradling Mac's
uninjured hand loosely in his and talking to her
softly of past adventures. He told her about his
childhood and his early Navy days. Resting his head
against her bed, he drifted off to sleep.
Admiral Chedwiggan walked into Mac's room and stopped
in awe at the sight of his Senior officers'
unconscious connection. Webb and the doctor had given
him bulletins on Mac's condition, however they had
done nothing to prepare him for the battered body of
Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie.
Rabb sensed a presence in the room and awoke swiftly.
"Admiral." He said as he noticed the look in the
Admiral's eyes. "The rest of her is worse, Sir."
"Give me the details of the Colonel's condition,
"Yes, Sir. She has a severe concussion, a bullet
wound to the right shoulder, her ribs are pretty much
shattered, she's bruised from head to toe, and she has
two inch wide cuts up and down her back that were
infected. They've lost her twice since we came in.
She's holding her own now Sir, but in a few hours they
are going to stop the painkillers and let her go
through withdrawal from the drug that bastard injected
into her. God Sir, if he wasn't already dead I'd..."
"I know son, so would I." A.J. interrupted as he
fought the surge of anger at what had been done to one
of his. "Commander go get something to eat, shower
and get some sleep. Webb has a room reserved for you
at the hotel across the street."
"But Sir." Rabb tried to argue.
"That's an order Commander. When the withdrawal hits
she is going to need us all and from what Webb said it
could take a while. I will stay with her. Now go
Rabb." A.J. ordered.
"Yes, Sir." Rabb replied knowing he had no choice.
"Sir, if she wakes up or her condition changes."
"I'll call you. Now go!"
"Yes Sir."
After Harm left, the Admiral took his place sitting
beside Mac holding her right hand. "You listen to me
Mac. You can do this, because you have to. Now if it
was Rabb, I'd be worried. He's just a sailor after
all. You are a marine and can do anything you set
your mind to. I think you would have been an amazing
seal. You have the best survival instincts I've ever
seen. I want my two best lawyers back and I know if
you don't come back I'll lose you both. I know you
both deny it, but you complete each other. You are
the best team I've ever had." A.J. spoke softly.
"You are one of the most amazing women I've ever met.
You just need to be strong for a little while longer,
Sarah. Rabb and I will be here for you and Bud and
Harriet are waiting at home to help you. We all love
you Sarah." Tears filled his eyes as he finished
speaking and just watched over her as she slept.
Dr. Simmons came in a while later. Holding out his
hand he approached the Admiral. "Admiral Chedwiggan I
"Dr. Simmons, nice to meet you. I wish it was under
better circumstances." He replied. "Tell me how she
is doing."
"I'm sure Commander Rabb ran through her physical
problems." At A.J.'s nod, Dr. Simmons continued.
"I'm more worried about her mental state, once the
withdrawals start. This is one of the worst drugs to
come off of. It leaves the body very little willpower
and takes the brain through Hell. The drug effects
are bad enough but the withdrawals will be five times
as worse for her. We will restrain her."
"We will restrain her to keep her from injuring
herself or others. Her shoulder and ribs are bandaged
as tight as we can to keep her from jarring them. She
will fight like a wounded animal and from her
background I would assume she can be lethal." Dr.
Simmons explained.
"Very, but to tie her up? Won't that bring up all the
memories of the attack?" The Admiral asked in concern.
"Probably. We've already eased up on the painkillers.
She should regain consciousness within a couple of
hours. This will not be a pretty sight. She will do
or say anything to make the pain go away." Dr.
Simmons replied grimly.
"I understand Doctor. Commander Rabb and I are not
going anywhere."
"Good she will need familiar faces. Call the nurses
if she starts to wake up." He instructed and left.
Admiral Chedwiggan settled back into the chair by the
bed and watched the still figure sleep, hoping that at
least for now they were good dreams.
Part 15
Harmon Rabb Jr. had done as ordered. He had eaten,
showered, and even managed to sleep for six hours
before he returned to the hospital. The sight that
greeted him was one he hoped to never see again. Mac
was crouched on the bed tugging violently against the
ties that bound her to the bed and cussing Doctor
Simmons, the nurse, and the Admiral.
"Get the f..k away from me! You will not touch me!
Stay back or I will kill you! I am a United States
Marine Colonel and I will not let you touch me, do you
understand?" Mac yelled.
"Mac you're okay, we're here to help you." A.J. said
soothingly as he moved towards her. Mac lashed out as
soon as he got close enough with a kick to his chest.
She laughed as he fell to the floor.
"I told you to stay away from me! The next time, I
will aim at your head! Get out!" She continued to
threaten as they watched her struggle to free herself.
Eventually she weakened and slumped down.
"Help me, please make it stop." She whimpered as Harm
came to her side and cradled her hand in his. "Harm?"
"Yeah baby it's me. You will be fine. I'm not going
to leave you, okay?"
"Okay.' She forced out as spasms again tore through
her body. 'Harm please make it stop. No, Daddy
please don't hit her anymore. I'll be good, I
promise. Please Daddy please." Mac curled in upon
herself trying to block out the threat of violence.
After about two hours, Harm and A.J. felt like they
had been run over by a steamroller. Mac had
progressed relentlessly through three phases of
emotions: exhaustion where she was almost coherent, to
violent, to begging for help. Both men would have
given up anything to make her pain go away. Dr.
Simmons had sent them out of the room for a break.
"Gentlemen this is only the beginning. It will get
worse and you will have to be strong for her. She is
being as tough as she can with that drug running
rampant through her system. From the information Webb
supplied, most patients are in screaming fits and
hysterics. I don't know if her refusal to scream is
hurting or helping her. Take thirty minutes, get some
coffee, eat or just take a walk. That is an order
Admiral, Commander."
"Alright Doctor but we will be back shortly." Rabb
They had walked around the parking lot three times
when the silence became too much for Harm. "Sir?"
"Yes, Rabb."
"She has fought so hard to get the life she wanted.
She survived the abuse, the alcoholism, the death.
But Sir, I'm not sure if she can survive the aftermath
of this mission." Rabb forced out.
"We have to have faith in her son. She is probably
ten times stronger then either one of us." A.J.
hesitated before continuing, "Do you know there are
years in her file that are unaccounted for?"
"What do you mean Sir?"
"I mean years unaccounted for. After and before
Bosnia these are just spaces of time with no
designator except classified." A.J. explained.
"C.I.A. or Intel?" Rabb asked in shock.
"Probably. I think that is why Webb has used you both
so freely, he knows her past." A.J. finished and
again silence reigned.
"Sir, I can't loose her." Harm whispered.
"I know Rabb. I know. What the two of you have
together is very special and you are just beginning to
get back on track. Mac is one of the strongest women
I've ever known and she will make it through this.
Come on let's head back." A.J. decided.
They were pleasantly surprised to find Mac sleeping
when they returned.
"Rabb stay with her. I'm going to call HQ and give
them an update." A.J. instructed.
"Yes, Sir." Rabb replied.
Mac waited for the Admiral to leave. She knew she
wouldn't have that much time. "Harm." She groaned.
"I'm right here Mac, take it easy." He soothed.
"Harm, hold me please." She begged.
"Of course I will Mac." Harm replied and reached for
her. Realizing that he couldn't really hold her with
her arms restrained, he started to apologize.
"Harm release my hands please. I feel like I'm
falling apart. I need you to hold me, please Harm."
She begged reaching for him.
"Alright Mac, just for a little while though." Harm
replied alarmed by the pleading eyes that brimmed with
tears. She was coherent, just really scared. What
could it hurt? He thought. He released her hands and
scooped her up in his arms.
"Harm, make them give me something. It hurts so bad."
Mac pleaded.
"I know baby, but if they give you anything you would
have to start withdrawal all over."
"Fine be that way." She pouted and caressed his face
and neck. "Harm, I'll do anything you want. Just get
me something to take the edge off. Let me make you
feel good."
Harm gazed at her in shock as she trailed her hand
towards his waistband. Shaking off the shock, he
grasped her hand. "Mac, stop it."
"Now a minute ago it was baby." Mac started to
respond when her gaze was transfixed by his grasp on
her wrist. She suddenly felt Murrick on top of her
pushing into her violently. Mac drove her palm into
his nose, temporarily blinding him as tears sprung
into his eyes. She jumped up and rushed to the
"Stay away from me!" She growled. "You will not
touch me! I will not let you rape me again!"
As his vision cleared, Harm gently approached her.
"Mac it's me Harm, no one is going to hurt you
anymore. I promise."
Dr. Simmons and Admiral Chedwiggan rushed into the
room causing Mac to become even more agitated.
"You promise." She snarled and laughed. "Like I
would believe in promises. You are just another man
trying to get what they want from me and walk away or
in your case fly away." As the last words echoed in
the room, she spun towards the window and before
anyone realized her intention she threw a right punch
through the window. All three men rushed towards her
only to stop in horror, when she turned back to them
grasping a large shard of glass in her hand extended
as a weapon. "I said stay back! I will kill you all
before I let you touch me!" Stronger and stronger
tremors racked her body.
The men gazed at her trying to figure out a way to
help her. Harm watched her unconsciously clutch the
shard. Blood poured from her hand as the glass sliced
deeper into her flesh.
"Mac, please." Harm begged.
"Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie stand down! That's an
order Colonel! Stand down, now!" Admiral A.J.
Chedwiggan ordered harshly.
She looked at him as if she was startled to see him.
"Admiral." She began when her body was racked in
convulsions again. She collapsed to her knees and
dropped the glass.
"Oh God please make it stop." She begged as Harm
placed her back on the bed. The convulsions were
stronger then ever as the memories raced in her mind.
"Stop, please get off me!.... the blood won't come
off....he knew he was going to die....Daddy please
stop....why did she leave me.....Eddie don't die....Don't
leave me again, please Harm don't leave me." The
tremors slowly eased off and she fell into a fitful
Harm looked up at the Admiral and Dr. Simmons and saw
the answering tears in their eyes. Dr. Simmons
blinked them away and called for a nurse to bring a
suture tray. He slipped on latex gloves and gently
opened her injured hand. "Damn, she did a number on
her hand. Rabb, I know how much you want to help Mac,
but you have to remember she had no real control over
what she is doing. She is simply reacting at the
moment. Do not release her again. Next time she
could hurt herself worse or hurt someone else."
"Yes, Doctor." Rabb replied still shaken by what had
"Gentlemen, I'm going to stitch up her hand. That
last spell should let her sleep for a while. Try to
compose yourselves. The next round will probably
start again in another hour." Dr. Simmons instructed
and they left the room. The doctor began stitching her
hand. She never moved. Finishing the last of 21
stitches, Dr. Simmons wrapped her hand in gauze and
placed her wrists back in restraints. "Sleep little
one, sleep while you can."
Part 16
Six hours later Harm stood in Mac's room gazing out
the newly repaired window. Mac had again fallen into
a deep sleep. How much more of these episodes could
her mind stand? He felt like hell and he was just
watching her go through it. The last one had been the
worst so far. She had begged Murrick to kill her.
She talked to people from the past, most of which he
could place. Her mother, her father, Dalton,
Appalachian poachers, etc. Those he couldn't identify
worried him, because the memories were not good.
One instance kept repeating in his mind. "Harm, don't
leave me! Please don't leave me!" Mac had yelled,
then went still and started mumbling. "They all
leave. They all leave. They all
Bad..bad...Sarah...bad." Her voice reverted to that of a
If her father had not already passed away, he would
have found him and been tempted to beat him. The
doctor had informed them earlier that she should reach
the worst of it sometime today. Harm didn't know how
it could be any worse.
Mac had begged them to let her go and to make the pain
stop. She had also called them so many derogatory
words, some of which Harm didn't even know their
meaning. His memories were interrupted by her violent
thrashing on the bed. "It's okay Mac, I'm here. I'll
keep you safe." His heart broke for her as her
struggles increased. She suddenly sat up and pulled
her legs under her and gazed through him. He touched
her softly on the shoulder trying to sooth her. She
flinched violently away from him. "Get away from me.
You work for him. You are just trying to make me
scream." She hissed out.
"Don't scream, don't scream, don't scream." She
chanted and rocked back and forth.
Dr. Simmons, Admiral Chedwiggan, and Clayton Webb came
into the room.
"Commander, how's Mac?" Webb asked before he saw
Mac's position. "Oh God, Mac."
"Not real good." Rabb replied sarcastically.
"Get out! Get out! Tell Murrick I sent him to Hell
once and I will do it again! Get out!" Mac yelled and
thrashed violently against her restraints while tears
flowed down her face.
"Colonel, it's alright. We're here to help you." The
Admiral said trying to calm her. She turned on him
with a glare that would have melted steel.
"Liar! You are all working for that Son of a Bitch!
I will not scream for him! I will not! No matter how
many times he says 'Scream for me Serena, scream for
me'. Serena is dead and I will not scream for him!
Get away from me!" As quickly as the violence came it
faded away and her body went into spasms. Looking at
the Admiral she begged. "Make it stop, please make it
The four men avoided eye contact, even though they
knew what they would see in each other's eyes. The
love for a woman who had been through so much pain and
the fear of her never returning to herself would have
been plain to see.
Harm sat by her bed and clasped her hand gently in
his. "It's going to be okay Mac, you're on the tail
end of this. You're beating it just the way you've
done everything else in your life. You cry, cuss and
yell at us all you need to Ninja-girl, we can take it.
Murrick is dead. You sent him to Hell and he can't
hurt you anymore."
"Nice dream." She mumbled before letting the darkness
take her.
"Sleep, Baby sleep." Harm whispered.
"Commander, Admiral, Webb let's move to the hall."
Dr. Simmons requested. They moved to the hallway and
waited while the doctor sent a nurse to sit with Mac.
"Doctor, how much longer do you think this will go on?
And how much more can she stand?" The Admiral asked.
"She probably has another two to three days. Her
cycles are shorter but more severe. As for how much
more can she take, her body is holding its own. Her
mind is another story. This diagnosis is premature
but I want you all to prepare yourself. The continued
spasms are not a good sign. From the reports Webb
supplied, most recovering patients had ceased having
spasms at this stage of withdrawal. The one that
didn't cease has little control over continuing
tremors in their hands. Her anger is also a concern
due to its vehemence. When the actual withdrawal
process is over, she will be put on medication to help
with the tremors. She will also need constant
supervision at least for the first 3 weeks. A
psychiatrist will also be a necessity." Dr. Simmons
"Mac is a fighter, she will get through this. She has
a whole office full of people at home that will do
anything she needs. She will get the support, Doctor.
Mac won't be alone anymore." The Admiral replied
looking at Harm.
"No, Sir she won't ever be alone again." Rabb
"Commander, be very careful how you push her and when.
She is going to have a long and painful recovery. It
will be weeks before she even feels like a shadow of
her old self." The doctor warned.
"I know Doctor Simmons. She has been alone most of
her life and I don't want her to be that way anymore."
Rabb said simply.
"Good. Now Mr. Webb if everything goes as planned she
will be ready for travel in about 5 days. I don't
think she should be on a commercial flight. There
will be residual episodes. She may have them off and
on for years. It will effect her military career."
"Sir, she's a lawyer." Rabb responded.
"Well hopefully the drug didn't do any damage to her
mental capabilities." With that sentence hanging in
the air the doctor walked away.
"God, Sir. Will this nightmare ever end?" Rabb
questioned hoarsely.
"Not for a long time Harm. Just remember Mac's a
survivor. We just have to be here to support her when she needs it." The Admiral responded.