painful memories 17-39

Part 17
Harmon Rabb tried to remember the Admiral's words
'Mac's a survivor. We just have to be here to support
her' during the next forty-eight hours. The doctor
had underestimated the time it would take for the
effects of the drug to lessen. Two days later Mac was
still experiencing the convulsions, delusions, and the
exhaustion. Thankfully they were slowly coming at
farther intervals apart. Mac was completely wrung
out. The convulsions were also coming less often.
She had slept no longer then two hours at a time since
the rescue.
He gazed down at his sleeping partner wondering how
the next few weeks would pan out. They were scheduled
to fly home in two days if Mac's condition improved.
He had already told the doctor and the Admiral that
Mac would be staying with him, however now he had to
tell her.
Over the past five years Mac had always been the one
covering his six. She had never let him down. She
probably was more protective of him then him of her.
Lt. Colonel Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie, the marine, had
been his equal from the start. Not only in rank but
also in attitude. At times her anger was enough to
scare him. She had followed him to Russia on two
separate occasions, both times saving his sorry life.
He knew that Mac would literally go through Hell for
him. He liked to believe that he would do the same,
yet he had never protected her from anything. Well,
Costner, but even then he was almost too late. She
had seen so much pain and death in her young life, yet
when her father was dying and she was going through an
emotional roller coaster, he hadn't went with her and
she hadn't asked. If the situation was reversed, he
knew, Mac would have done whatever was necessary to be
by his side, regardless.
After the past year of mixed signals and jealousy,
they were slowly regaining their friendship. The
teasing had come back, the bantering was almost to its
former level, and the personal conversations they were
working on. He was still amazed that without any real
hesitation, he had bought a plane ticket and followed
her. Yet when he had looked into her dark bottomless
eyes that night he knew that she needed him, and this
time he would not let her down. He had felt
protective and terrified by the prospect of losing
her, especially after just finding their friendship.
"Harm." A hoarse voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Mac, I'm right here. How are you feeling?" Harm
asked trying to keep the tears at bay. He was relieved
to find her responsive and almost clear eyed.
"Like Hell. Harm is everyone else okay? Alexie?"
Mac asked gazing into his eyes.
"Yeah Mac, everyone is okay. We were just waiting for
you to come back to us." Harm responded. "Do you
hurt anywhere?"
"Stupid question, Stickboy. Everything hurts." Mac
replied sarcastically. "Can I have some water?"
"Sure Mac." Harm replied and filled a small glass
with water and let her sip through a straw.
"Ah, that tastes good." Mac sighed. "How long have I
been here?"
"Five days." Harm answered. "We will be flying back
to Washington, D.C. day after tomorrow."
"What about...is he dead?" Mac forced out.
"Murrick?" Harm asked and then cursed himself when
she shuttered. "Yes Mac, he is dead. He can't hurt
anyone else ever again."
"Good." Mac replied and fell into a restless sleep.
"Commander, any more episodes?" The Admiral quietly
asked as he entered Mac's room.
"She had one this morning. It was pretty bad, Sir.
But I do have some good news, about an hour ago she
woke up and talked to me clearly. She was lucid and
asking questions." Harm responded.
"That is good news, Rabb. Have you and Webb decided
what to tell or if to tell Zahir and his people what
is going on?" Admiral Chedwiggan asked.
"Last time I spoke to Webb, we decided to wait and let
Mac make the call. We felt she deserved to face him
only if she wanted to." Rabb replied.
"Sounds good. I spoke with Dr. Simmons before I came
in here. He has contacted a Doctor Patterson in
Washington to refer her to, as well as a psychiatrist
by the name of Hamilton. They are both CIA connected.
He will also come see her next week to check her
progress." The Admiral explained.
"I spoke to Harriett last night. She suggested we
take Mac to her apartment because of it having two
bedrooms. Harriett thought Mac would feel more
comfortable in her own bed. She also volunteered to
rotate nights with me. I would like to take two weeks
leave and take care of her, Sir." Rabb said.
"Webb will supply round the clock nursing care. There
is no need for you to be there twenty-four seven."
The Admiral replied.
"Sir, no offense, but there is every need. Sarah
needs to be with people who care about her, not just
an impersonal nurse. Admiral, I don't know how you
could think she wouldn't need me. Like the doctor
said, she will need to know that she isn't alone
emotionally as well as physically." Rabb replied
fiercely.
"Just checking to make sure you know what is important
Commander." The Admiral responded. "I'll take every
third night."
"Sir that's not necessary." Rabb insisted.
"Yes, Commander it is! Now head out for a while. You
look like Hell." The Admiral ordered as he sat down
next to Mac's bed.
"But Sir."
"Dismissed Commander." The Admiral's voice brooked no
argument.
"Aye, aye Sir." Harm replied and reluctantly left.
"A.J.?" Mac asked.
"Mac, I'm right here." He replied and smiled as he
clasped her hand lightly in his.
"I thought he would never leave." Mac joked. "He
looks as bad as I feel."
"It's good to have you back Colonel." A.J. said
pleased that the Mac they knew was back.
"Thank you Sir." Mac replied and drifted back to
sleep.
Part 18
A.J. watched the slow rise and fall of Mac's chest,
reassured that she had survived and would continue to
survive. He knew she had a long way to go to a full
recovery. Mac wore a pair of cream pajamas for the
first time since the accident. Harriet had insisted
that he bring them for Mac. He would have to remember
to thank her for the thoughtfulness. Mac looked much
better then the first time he'd seen her since the
rescue.
Mac had blown him away from the first moment they met.
She was a marine Major who projected an image of an
indestructible soldier who needed nothing and no one.
Her calm controlled eyes that could pierce through a
person or see right through them. He knew pieces of
her background. Her father had been a Marine who
drank heavily and beat his wife. Her mother had left
Mac with her abusive father when she was fifteen. The
years between fifteen and eighteen were a mystery.
She had joined the Marines at the age of eighteen,
where she quickly excelled. She knew at least four
languages, probably even more then that. The holes in
her service record that he had mentioned to Rabb had
always been a concern to him, but he had hoped she
would tell him about it one day. Mac had always been
there for any one who needed her. Maybe it was the
abusive father that left the haunted look in her brown
eyes, that appeared from time to time.
His thoughts were interrupted by a low moan coming
from the bed. When he stood to come closer, Mac tried
to pull back away from him. When the restraints
registered in her mind, a resigned look came over her
and she looked at him in acceptance of whatever pain
he wanted to inflict on her. Gazing at the bed, he
felt sick to his stomach at the look in those haunted
brown eyes.
"Mac, you're fine. I'm right here to take care of
you." He said reassuringly.
"What do you want me to do?" She asked looking
through him.
He knew she was seeing something from her past. A
single tear slid slowly down her cheek. "Mac, can you
hear me?"
"I'll do whatever you want, just don't hurt her
anymore." She pleaded. "What do you want me to do?"
"Mac your safe, you don't have to do anything and no
one is going to hurt you. I promise." A.J. replied
trying to break through to Mac.
The dull sightless gaze was replaced slowly by a
fierce glare. She began struggling with her
restraints, pulling violently at them. "I will kill
you if you touch her again. You bastard! Don't hit
her. No!" She yelled.
"Mac, no one is going to hurt you or her. I promise,
I won't let anyone hurt you again, Mac." A.J. again
tried to reassure her.
"Daddy don't hit her anymore. Please." She forced
out as she continued to struggle.
"Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, can you hear me?" A.J.
demanded.
Mac's eyes crinkled in confusion as she tried to focus
on his face. "Admiral?"
"Yes, Mac it's me. Are you okay?" A.J. asked relieved
that she knew who he was.
"I think so. Is everyone else okay?" Mac inquired.
"Yes, Mac you were the only one injured." A.J.
replied and hesitated before continuing. "I am so
proud of you Sarah. You have survived so much and you
will make it through this. Harm will be back in a few
hours, until then you can sleep or we can talk."
"I'd like to try and stay awake for a while. Sir, I
want you to know how much I appreciate you being here.
Can I ask for a favor Sir?" Mac asked.
"Of course you can, Sarah." A.J. replied.
"A.J. would you hold me?" Mac asked softly.
"Come here, darling." He replied as he eased behind
her onto the bed and pulled her gently into his arms.
A.J. moved slowly when Mac moaned softly as her ribs
were jostled. Since the rescue she had not complained
or even acknowledged the pain from her injuries. The
doctor believed that the reaction to the drug was
masking her pain.
She relaxed against him, feeling safe for one of the
few times since the mission started. Her soul ached
to be healed from the pain that continued to torture
it. The spells were lessening in frequency and in
severity, but she was hiding as much of them as she
could. She wanted to be back in control of her life
again. She was a marine who needed to take care of
herself. There must be a way to get through this and
she would find it. Tired of fighting the darkness she
slid into sleep.
A.J. felt her go limp in his arms. She was getting
some much needed sleep. She was exhausted and still
feeling the effects of the withdrawal. He knew she
was hiding most of the pain she was experiencing from
them. He had seen violence in all kinds of forms, but
the torture that Mac had experienced affected him more
then all he had seen combined. A.J. knew that the
first mission had been horrible for her. She had
returned a faint shadow of herself who jumped at every
movement and avoided confrontational situations. Mac
had lost her first five court cases upon her return.
About a week after the first mission to Arabia he had
found her in her office late one night. She was
standing at the window gazing out into the darkness,
but he suspected she was actually looking instead at
the darkness that filled her. Not wanting to startle
her, he had approached her and called her name softly.
She had turned on him and kicked him in the stomach
before he even realized she had moved. His SEAL
training had kicked in and he had her pinned to the
wall facing him. She struggled violently against him
as he tried to keep her still.
"Mac, Mac, it's me calm down." He had tried to break
through her fear and instinct for survival.
"Get off me, please. Not again, please, not again."
She had begged as tears flowed down her face.
'My God' he thought 'she was raped.' In shock over
this revelation, Mac was able to pull free of his grip
and scooted away from him until she hit the corner and
slid to the floor..
"Please don't hurt me." She pleaded and looked at him
terrified. The fear in her eyes slid away as she
slowly became aware of her surroundings. "Sir? Oh
Admiral I'm so sorry."
"It's okay Colonel." He had said as he approached her
carefully. "Let me help you up."
"Okay." She replied and let him support her as she
shakily got to her feet. "Admiral, I want to go
home."
"Certainly Mac. Let me get my keys and I'll drive you
home." He replied as he watched her critically
looking for any sign of weakness. "Are you going to
be okay, until I get back?"
"Admiral, that's really not necessary. I can drive
myself home. I'm fine now." She insisted.
"Sorry, Mac. That's an order." The Admiral said
softly but firmly. He waited for her to sit down in a
chair before he headed for his office. Upon his
return he found her with her face in her hands while
she talked to herself. "Snap out of it Marine. This
is no time for weakness. Suck it up." He knew the
soldier in Mac was at war with the woman who wanted so
desperately to breakdown and cry. As he entered the
room, she looked up with the eyes of a soldier.
"Ready to go Sir?" She asked and shakily rose to her
feet.
"Yes Mac. Let's head out." He replied as she
gathered up her briefcase.
She was silent on the ride to her apartment. He knew
she was embarrassed by what had happened in her
office. Her hands were clinched in her lap and her
face was turned to look out the passenger window.
When they pulled in front of her apartment building,
she hesitantly turned to him leaned over and kissed
him lightly on the cheek.
"Thank you Sir, for everything. I'm sorry about this
evening it will not happen again." She forced out
quickly, met his eyes briefly and exited his car. He
watched her stride towards the building in shock at
her action and words. A battle waged inside him as he
fought to decide between following her and convincing
her to talk or to find Webb and force him to talk. In
the end the latter won, when he decided that Mac
couldn't take any more tonight and that it would be
more pleasurable to beat it out of Webb. He drove
away and said a silent prayer for the woman fighting
against memories.
His memories were interrupted by Mac's restless
turning, as she tried to find a more comfortable
position. He eased from behind her and laid her
gently back onto the bed. He smiled softly as she
curled into herself and stilled.
He had found Webb that night and proceeded to hurt him
a little when he said what Mac had been through was
classified. Needless to say, Webb had told him
everything that had happened except confirming the
rape. However, he would not deny that she had been
raped either. Webb said he was abiding by Mac's
wishes, and knowing Mac it was probably true. He had
made a promise then and there to get psychiatric help
for her and to make sure she came back. Admiral A.J.
Chedweggan made the same promise to himself and to the
woman he watched sleep.
Part 19
Mac walked slowly down the hospital corridor with Harm
gripping her arm firmly. Her steps were cautious but
steady. The Marine had kicked in and she was a
kick-ass jarhead determined to push her body to become
what it was before the mission. This morning she had
awoke with a new familiar determination to push away
her emotions and hide in the physical. It was time to
whip her body into shape and take care of herself.
She knew the Admiral and Harm both cared about her,
but she also knew that the only person you could ever
truly count on was yourself. Mac forced herself to
put one foot in front of the other.
"Okay Mac, let's head back to your room." Harm
interrupted her thoughts.
"Not yet." She forced out. "I want to make it to the
end of the hall."
"No, Mac. We've come far enough. Let's head back."
Harm insisted and tried to turn her around.
"Dammit, Harm. I said I want to make it to the end of
the hall." Mac argued. "Back off, Sailor."
"Mac." He replied steadily and looked her firmly in
the eyes. "You don't have to be the invincible Marine
in front of me. You should know that. You are
breathing heavily, you look three sheets paler than
you did this morning, and they are bringing your
dinner tray down the hall. Please for me, can we turn
back?"
"Alright." Mac replied softly giving in to the
pleading look in his eyes. "Harm, after dinner and a
short rest, we do this again but all the way to the
end of the hall, agreed?"
"Mac?" Harm wheedled.
"Agreed." Mac replied firmly.
"Agreed, Mac." Harm relented as they headed back to
her room. Harm knew she was tired but that hard-ass
Marine wasn't going to admit it no matter what
happened. "We leave tomorrow at 1700."
"Good." Mac forced out as she struggled to keep
herself upright and moving forward.
"Webb and the Admiral will come by in about an hour to
discuss tomorrow." Harm informed her.
"Okay." She harshly replied as she breathed hard.
She remained silent the rest of the way. Mac
concentrated on breathing and staying strong as the
entered her room. Harm gently helped her ease back
onto the bed. Leaning back she closed her eyes and
sighed deeply. "Thanks."
"Your welcome." Harm replied and smiled softly as she
quickly drifted off to sleep. Turning at the sound of
the nurse carrying her dinner tray entered the room,
he quickly took the tray from her and whispered.
"I'll make sure she eats. I'm going to let her sleep
for a little while."
"No problem, Mr. Rabb. She's special to us too. I
think sleep is definitely more important. If her food
is too cold when she awakes call us and we will bring
her something hot and fresh." Nurse Alyssa replied.
"Thank you for being so kind to Mac and to us. We
appreciate it so much." Harm thanked the nurse.
"Your welcome. You just take good care of her after
you leave here." The Nurse advised as she left.
Harm gazed down at his sleeping friend, wondering at
what her dreams were made of. Taking care of Sarah
MacKenzie was something that was easier said then
done. She had fought for her independence from the
time she was a child. Anytime Mac felt threatened she
would revert back to her shell of sarcasm and cold
shoulder.
The first day they met in the Rose Garden her
resemblance to Diane had stunned him, but not as much
as the electric charge that raced up his arm when they
shook hands. He had never met a Marine who looked
anything like Mac. She was beautiful in her own
strong way. She wasn't unfriendly, but she was
reluctant to get to close. He had to admit that his
ego was bigger then his F-14 when the met. Kate and
Meg had done nothing to shrink his ego, if anything
their admiration had increased the size of his ego.
Mac on the other hand challenged him to be better and
prove himself time and time again. He was a better
lawyer because of her. Competing with her in court
was the greatest challenge for him. She kept him
honest in every case, by making him know the ins and
outs of all applicable laws and some that weren't. He
had never faced a partner in court before Mac. Kate
and Meg had always assisted him on cases. Mac would
regularly shoot his neat little slam dunk case to Hell
in a hand basket. He laughed softly remembering the
time he opened fire in open court. Her response to
slipping under the table was Marines don't duck they
take cover. Never show weakness was her motto.
From their first mission to Red Rock Mesa to the trips
to Russia, Mac had watched his sorry six. Harm knew
she was still tormented by guilt and sorrow for the
death and pain that surrounded her life. The thought
of his father hitting him was unthinkable. He didn't
consider himself naïve, however it had taken him
awhile to realize the lasting effects on Mac from the
abuse she suffered at her father's hands. He knew
that her kick-ass marine, nothing affects me, I'm
invincible was a protection. Even though he knew what
her responses stemmed from, he still found himself
rising to the bait and cutting her to ribbons with his
words.
So many years of misunderstanding and words that hurt,
could they overcome them. Harm was determined to
start anew once they got back to the states. He had
almost lost her to Mic Brumby. He didn't realize how
important she was to him until he almost lost her. At
her engagement party they had discussed things that
they had pushed under the rug for years. The final
parting kiss was the most passionate kiss he'd even
had. He had felt drawn deeper and deeper into her
kiss until he lost himself in it. When the kiss ended
it was bittersweet, it was goodbye to what might have
been. After his crash on the night before her
wedding, as he floated in the Atlantic Ocean waiting
for rescue he realized how much the thought of never
seeing Mac again terrified him. After his rescue, he
was hospitalized for about a week. Mac came to visit
him every day during his stay. On the third day he
noticed that her ring was missing. He had assumed
that she had married Brumby, however the absence of
her ring stated the opposite. He had refused to ask
Mac about it and she had never volunteered any
information. He didn't even believe that Harriet knew
the whole truth.
After he was released from the hospital, Mac's shields
were firmly in place. She was protecting herself from
any possible source of hurt. She avoided discussing
anything personal. Their friendship slowly became
stronger as they both strived to ignore the past. His
feelings for her had become more then just friendship.
"Harm?" Mac asked as she stirred on the bed.
"Yeah, Mac. I'm right here." He replied. "Are you
feeling more rested?"
"Yeah. When are they bringing dinner?" She inquired.
"The brought dinner almost an hour ago. Let me get
the nurse, she said they would bring a fresh tray."
Harm replied and walked out to the nurse's station.
Mac felt her fourth spell of the day coming on her and
forced herself to move into the bathroom. Leaning
heavily against the closed door, Mac's mind was filled
again with memories of the past. Flashes of Sydney
included Harm's rejection of her heart. Mic's
accusations of her infidelity with Harm. Her father's
violent outbursts and soul damaging words. Her
mother's abandonment. The Admiral's disappointment of
her actions. Tears flowed in uncontrolled paths down
her face as she forced herself not to cry out loud.
Harm had been there for the past week for her whenever
she needed him, now she was determined to take care of
herself. The worst part for her was the screams that
still echoed in her head and fought every minute to be
released. Physical and emotional pain reverberated
through her as she battled for her sanity.
Harm walked back into Mac's room after arranging for a
meal to be sent up. Surprised to find her room empty,
he panicked slightly before realizing that the light
in the bathroom was on and the door was shut.
Knocking lightly on the door he said. "Mac, everything
okay?"
"I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." Mac forced out
the words trying to make them sound as normal as
possible.
"Hey, Rabb where is Mac?" Webb asked as he and the
Admiral entered the room.
"Bathroom. Good job secret agent man." Harm joked.
"How are the episodes doing? Are they lessening?"
The Admiral asked concerned.
"They seem to be coming less often. I've been here
since six o'clock this morning and she's only had one.
It lasted about fifteen minutes total." Harm
replied.
"Good. We ran into Dr. Simmons on the way in, he will
be here in about ten minutes." A.J. responded.
The seizures eased off slowly as Mac slid to the
floor. Rocking softly back and forth she tried to
shore herself up to face the men she heard through the
door. Webb, Rabb, and the Admiral had all seen her at
her worst. If her memories were to be trusted, she
had inflicted damage on Webb and Rabb. Shame and
embarrassment flowed through her as the memory of
Murrick's hands on her filled her head. He had stolen
her strength from her twice by taking away her
control.
"Suck it up Marine." She whispered fiercely. Pulling
herself to her feet, she looked deep into her own eyes
and felt like she was falling into the darkness she
saw there. 'Eyes are windows to the soul' Mac's
mother use to say. She had never really understood
that statement until now. The darkness inside her
that pulled her deeper and deeper was blatantly
obvious in her eyes. Five minutes later Mac took a
deep breath and stepped out into her room.
"Hey guys, how are you all today?" She asked and
smiled brightly. The men watched her walk slowly and
cautiously to the bed and carefully ease herself up
onto it. They forced themselves not to help her.
"We're good, Mac." The Admiral replied.
"So what is the agenda for tomorrow? I know we leave
at 1700. Can we stop at Zahir's and say goodbye?"
Mac asked and then paused as she noticed the quick
look that passed between the men in the room. "What?
Wait a minute, does Zahir know that you rescued me?"
"Well, Mac." Webb replied. "We felt you should be
the one to decide how and what to tell him."
"You mean he is still looking for me?" Mac asked but
after seeing their facial response continued. "How
could you all be so cruel?"
"Mac, we just weren't sure how to approach it. How
you would feel after you recovered." Harm tried to
explain.
"Well tomorrow we will stop by and say goodbye and I
will give him some explanation for what I did." Mac
demanded.
Webb, Rabb, and Chedweggan looked at each other in
resignation of what they knew they would have to do.
Part 20
Webb, Rabb, and Chedwiggan looked at each other in
resignation of what they knew they would have to do.
Dr. Simmons entered the room. "So Mac, how are you
feeling this evening?"
"Good Sir." Mac replied.
"How many episodes today?" Dr. Simmons asked as he
gently checked her pulse and gazed into her eyes.
"One this morning and a mild one this afternoon." Mac
answered.
"Gentlemen, would you excuse us please so I examine my
patient?" Dr Simmons directed.
"Certainly, Doctor." The Admiral replied cutting off
any protest coming from Rabb.
"Now Mac, let's cut the tough act and tell me how many
episodes?" He asked firmly after they left the room.
"Doctor, I don't know what." She hesitated before
correcting herself. "This goes no further then you?"
"Your condition is now confidential and only mine and
your business. But I can't treat you properly unless
you give me true information." He replied sincerely.
"Three large, one small." Mac answered. "They are
getting shorter."
"Okay, how about your ribs, shoulder, and hand?" He
continued to question as he checked the wound in her
shoulder.
"They're fine." She replied shortly and gritted her
teeth as he probed the healing wound.
"Alright. Now we need to discuss the future. I have
been told that you are a lawyer." Seeing her nod in
acknowledgement, he continued. "During the episodes,
do your hands still tremor and is your vision still
tinged?"
"Yes." Mac forced out hoarsely, fear evident in her
eyes. "What does that mean for my future?"
"You will continue to experience the episodes and the
random tremors for awhile. How long, I do not know.
Your ribs will heal within three weeks. The bullet in
your shoulder was lodged against the bone. It will
take months to regain close to full strength. The
broken fingers will heal quickly as will the cut on
your hand. The cut will be inconvenient and painful
due to its location. The drug's lingering effects
will continue to haunt you in dreams and in the
episodes." Dr. Simmons explained. "Honestly, how bad
are the flashbacks?"
"They are getting better." Mac hesitated before
saying softly. "They still make me feel like I'm
losing my mind."
"How so?"
"The images from the past are so brutal that they rip
at my sanity. I survived them the first time, I'm not
sure I can do it again. Those three men out there see
me as a Marine. Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, the
strong one. I don't know how long I can keep being
strong." She admitted.
"Mac, those men all love you in their own way. Yes,
they want you back, but they also want to be there to
help you make it back." He replied. "You will need
their help and they need to give that help to you."
"Thanks." Mac forced out. "Anything else?"
"Yes. I have sent prescriptions down to the pharmacy.
Three prescriptions are there. One will lessen the
major seizures that accompany the episodes, it won't
help the lingering tremors in your hands. The second
prescription is a pain killer and the third will help
you sleep." He replied. "And I have an order for
you. You are not to be the hard-ass marine. You are
to treat yourself lightly and give yourself time to
heal."
"Yes, Sir." Mac replied and smiled.
"Shall I bring the guys back in?" Dr. Simmons asked
searching her eyes for any indication of secrets.
"Yeah'll let them in. They probably have the room
bugged anyway." She half-joked.
"Sir, why would he make us leave the room if there
wasn't anything wrong?" Harm asked the Admiral.
"Rabb, he needed to examine her, and he probably felt
she wouldn't be all that comfortable with the three of
us standing there jalking." He replied shortly. "You
need to give Mac a little space, or you will drive her
crazy. Mac needs to keep her strength up and if she
wastes it arguing with you it won't do a Hell of a lot
of good will it?"
"No Sir. I've just been so worried about her." Harm
replied. "I know she is hiding her pain from me."
"Hell, Rabb wouldn't you do the same thing if the
positions were reversed?" Webb interjected.
"I guess." Harm reluctantly agreed. "Okay enough of
this. What are we going to tell Zahir tomorrow?"
"That's up to Mac. If she wants to tell him the
truth, she can." Webb replied. "She has earned that
right and then some."
"What's the agenda for tomorrow?" A.J. asked Webb.
"Well, we will fly out of here tomorrow around 1100
and take her to see Zahir. Depending on how long that
will take, we will then head back to the airport,
where we will take a private jet back to Washington,
D.C." Webb listed. "Lt. Roberts and Simms will meet
us there with transport. We'll drop you and Mac off
at your apartment and her doctors appointment is the
next day at 1000."
"God, I dread tomorrow." Harm mumbled before
realizing how that sounded. "I mean we know how
difficult telling Zahir the truth is going to be for
Mac. Not to mention the flight."
"Gentlemen, you can come in now." Dr. Simmons said as
he came down the hall towards them. "While I'm
thinking about it you need to pick up three
prescriptions from the downstairs pharmacy before you
leave tomorrow."
"Doctor, before we go back in, how is Mac really
doing?" A.J. asked.
"She will be fine, she's improving everyday." The
doctor said vaguely.
"The lasting effects of the drug?" A.J. probed.
"I've already told her about her condition and what to
expect." He replied.
"But Doctor Simmons, why aren't you giving us
details?" Harm retorted.
"Because Mac is competent now to make decisions on her
own. I will tell you that she needs to be supervised
for sat least the next week. The episodes will
continue to come and the tremors in her hands will
linger. The stitches were removed from her back this
morning." Dr. Simmons replied. "The physical is
healing well, now you all need to concentrate on her
mental condition."
With those parting words, Dr. Simmons walked away,
leaving the three men to consider his words.
Part 21
"Because Mac is competent now to make decisions on her
own. I will tell you that she needs to be supervised
for sat least the next week. The episodes will
continue to come and the tremors in her hands will
linger. The stitches were removed from her back this
morning." Dr. Simmons replied. "The physical is
healing well, now you all need to concentrate on her
mental condition."
With those parting words, Dr. Simmons walked away,
leaving the three men to consider his words.
Making them leave was one of the hardest things she
had ever done, the darkness tended to close in on her
when she was alone. Mac knew she needed the time to
attempt to get her emotions under control before
tomorrow.
Mac went back and forth through the night glad that
she had sent the men away one minute and scared of
being alone in the dark. What kind of Marine was she?
Mac thought, I'm falling apart over being alone in
the night. She didn't know if it was caused by lack
of sleep or not, but she had two of the worst episodes
since the first three days. The memories had crashed
through the tough shell she had erected over the last
few days. Her belief in her own strength was shaken.
How could she survive if the episodes never stopped?
Dr. Simmons had said he didn't know how long they
would take to stop.
The first episode hit around midnight and pulled her
back to her childhood. Her father's vicious words,
her mother's tears, and her own fear swirled tearing
her emotions apart. She broke out in a cold sweat and
trembled violently as she struggled to break free of
the images. One memory in particular flashed
repeatedly before her. Two days after her mother had
left, her father had come home drunk and steaming for
a fight. Dinner had been ready on the table waiting
for him, his favorite meal of fried chicken and mashed
potatoes. Mac had been trying to make him happy. He
had taken one bite and threw the dish across the room.
"You cook as bad as your slut mother." He had yelled
and grabbed her by the arm and threw her after the
plate. He then picked up the bowl of potatoes and
threw it at her head. She tried to dodge the bowl but
only managed deflect the blow with her shoulder. The
potatoes had splashed everywhere. "Look at this damn
mess! Clean it up now!"
"Daddy, please." She had begged him as he hit her
across the face with his fist. The blow was strong
enough to knock her into the wall. The room blurred
and she briefly lost consciousness. When she woke up
her father was gone and the room spun around her.
She had found that the corner of the room made her
feel safer. She crawled to the corner, pulled her
knees to her chin and silently cried for the mother
who hadn't loved her enough to take her when she left.
She cried for the childhood that her classmates had
and the innocence that she had never had. A couple
hours later she had forced herself to get up and clean
up the mess knowing that she couldn't face her
father's wrath again. At the same time she knew that
she couldn't avoid it no matter what she did.
Mac pulled herself back from the memories. That was
the first time she had truly felt hopeless and
powerless. That feeling still followed her. No
matter how far she came, she knew that hopelessness
was waiting to come back. If she took the time and
logically looked at her self, Mac knew that the strong
Marine, independent woman, and self-confident soldier
were all lies. She was a defenseless child who cried
for love daily. Love was something she longed for.
Parents were supposed to love their children
unconditionally. She kept hearing this comment, yet
she had no connection to it. Well Bud and Harriet
with little A.J., they were the kind of parents that
she had prayed for as a child.
Mac knew her friends cared for her, however love was
something that had always been just out of her reach.
She knew that she loved Harmon Rabb, Jr., she had for
a long time. At her engagement party, Harm had made
comments that made her think he might love her. He
crashed a week later on his way to her wedding. The
next morning he was rescued and she realized she
couldn't marry Mic Brumby knowing she loved Harm. He
had rejected her once in Sydney and she was terrified
to tell him what she was feeling. Deep down she
wasn't sure she could handle another rejection from
someone she loved. So she didn't tell him, and damn
him he didn't care enough to ask.
Mic Brumby had said he loved her, however she knew it
was only conditional. He wanted her to be completely
dependent emotionally on him. He had given up his
commission and moved to the States to be with the
woman he loved. At that point she was wearing his
ring on her right hand and had not agreed to marry
him. He had come here not to be with her, but to
force her hand into marrying him. He had used her
need for love to slowly emotionally blackmail her into
believing that he was the best chance she had for
love.
She had hoped that with her marriage to Brumby
cancelled, Harm would realize that they could have a
chance together. The voice inside her knew that he
would never love her because she was destined to never
have real love. Mac had been alone on an emotional
level since she was born and she knew that loneliness
would last her entire life.
The second episode happened three hours later. Mac
had just recovered enough to fall asleep, when it hit.
This one struck harder and faster then the first. It
centered around her escape from her father and her
marriage to Chris. She was seventeen when her father
beat her to within an inch of her life and left her
broken and bleeding on the living room floor. Mac had
run to Chris who she was dating off and on. He had
offered her freedom from her father if she married
him. She had accepted. He loved the alcohol as much
as she did. They had spent their short marriage
traveling from bar to bar drinking themselves into
oblivion. One vivid memory of their marriage played
over and over. Two months after leaving home Mac had
awoke in a dingy hotel room naked in bed with a man
she couldn't remember.
"Oh God." She thought. "Who the hell is this?"
Glancing around the room she saw her clothes littering
the floor. She carefully eased herself out of the bed
and came close to collapsing when pain ripped through
her. Looking down at herself, she saw hand print
bruises on her thighs and breasts. 'Why can't I
remember what happened?'
As she finished dressing, she slipped on her shoes.
"Damn girl, you are every bit as tasty as your husband
said you were." The man who had been sleeping
growled roughly from the bed. "How about one more
time and I'll let you stay another week for free?"
"No." She had forced out as it dawned on her what had
happened. Somehow last night she had prostituted
herself for their hotel bill.
"All right. Here." He said and tossed her a small
bottle of blue pills. "Tell Chris those are a bonus.
If they turn you on like they did last night, he'll be
coming back for more."
Mac had stared in horror, realization dawning on her.
Chris had slipped those little pills in her drink last
night. And she had thought he was better then her
father. 'God how could I be so stupid.'
The episode made her relive that scene repeatedly for
almost twenty minutes. Her skin still crawled
thinking about what she had been too drunk to stop
from happening.
"My slut daughter, no good man will ever love you. He
will know exactly what you are."
Her father's words echoed in her head as she fought to
escape from the prison of her memories. The remainder
of the night was spent tossing and turning. She
struggled to sleep, knowing she needed it, yet
terrified to risk another episode. Logically she knew
being awake would not keep them at bay.
Part 22
The next morning dawned bright and hot. Mac stood by
the window feeling the sun beat down on her. The
sunny day mocked the turmoil deep inside her. Joy at
the thought of going home battled with the nervousness
from the upcoming meeting with Zahir. She knew the
truth would hurt him deeply, and she didn't even want
to think about the pain it would cause Alexie. Rabb,
Webb, and the Admiral would stand by her and try to
protect her from the pain she would feel at their
hurt.
With the help of the nurse she had dressed in real
clothes today for the first time since the rescue.
She wore pull on black pants and a black short sleeve
summer turtleneck. The nurse had fussed over the
choice, that someone as young as her should be in
bright colors or pastels. Mac had simply returned her
gaze with eyes that spoke of the experience that life
had dealt her. The nurse had patted her lightly on
the arm and continued on with her rounds.
As Mac gazed out into the sunshine, she wondered if
her life would always be this way. Would she always be
looking at the sunlight through a barrier? Turning to
pick up her water she caught her reflection in the
mirror. The bruises were fading, the paleness
receding, and the bandages becoming fewer, however the
eyes still spoke of the horror that she could not
release. Observing herself objectively she noted the
bandage on her right hand, the cast on her left hand,
and the small white bandage at her hairline. They
stood out starkly against the black of her outfit.
Her left eye was still slightly swollen and turning an
interesting variety of greens and blacks. Her face
was bruised around the mouth and both eyes. Turning
her back to the mirror she lifted the back of her
shirt and gazed dispassionately at the healing cuts
that crisscrossed her back. The stitches had been
removed late yesterday. Her ribs were also a rainbow
of colored bruises. The wound on Mac's shoulder, made
controlling her left hand difficult and she knew her
strength in that arm would be next to nothing.
Overall she was greatly improved compared to her
initial arrival at the hospital. Finally she let her
eyes meet their reflection in the mirror. Eyes are
windows to the soul. That sentiment echoed through
her mind as she gazed into the blackness of her
tormented soul. Her dark thoughts were interrupted by
the door opening behind her.
"Mac." Harm said and then froze when he saw her
standing there looking almost like her old self.
"Wow, you look great."
"Thanks." Mac said softly and forced a bright smile.
"Now you look even better." Harm replied feeling
relief. "That's the best smile I've seen in a long
time."
Mac blushed slightly even though she knew he was just
trying to make her feel better. "Where's Webb,
Keeter, and A.J.?"
"Webb and the Admiral are bringing the car around.
Keeter is at the airfield getting the helicopter ready
to fly. I picked up your medication from the pharmacy
downstairs if you want to put it in your bag." At
Mac's nod he placed the bottles in her bag and
continued speaking. "I ran into Dr. Simmons, he will
be up momentarily to discharge you."
"Good. I don't know about you but I am ready to get
back to Washington and to work." Mac said.
"I couldn't agree more. You know the Admiral, Webb,
and I could talk to Zahir for you. You don't even
need to be there." Harm rationalized.
"Yes, I do Harm. I lied to him and I need to face
him. Zahir and his people were always kind and loving
to me. I owe them an explanation and I will give them
one." Mac's voice allowed for no argument. She
silently cursed as she noticed the slight tremble in
her hands as she smoothed her hair.
"Okay, I know better then to argue with you, however,
you will not do it alone." Harm replied firmly as Dr.
Simmons entered the room.
"Well is my favorite patient ready to head out?" He
asked and smiled gently at Mac.
"Definitely." She responded and returned his smile
with one of her own. Her smile turned to a glare when
a nurse entered pushing a wheelchair. "That had
better not be for me."
"Yes, Mac it is." Dr. Simmons responded in the same
'no argument' tone that Mac had used earlier.
"Commander, could you excuse us please."
Harm reluctantly left the room as Dr. Simmons sat
beside Mac on the bed. "Okay Mac, ground rules for
the next month. Pay attention there will be a quiz.
Ground rule #1 You will track the episodes on paper.
Record when and how long. #2 Anything different or
unusual tell Webb, Rabb, or Chedwiggan immediately.
#3 Rest. Rest. Rest. Do not overdue or allow
yourself to become overly tired. Both can cause
increased violent episodes. You're looking at least a
month before you can even return to work part-time.
#4 Take the medication as prescribed, especially the
painkillers. Don't be the big brave Marine. Let your
body recover. #."
"Exactly how many more guidelines are there?" Mac
interrupted sarcastically.
"Just for that three more. As I was saying #5 When
you return to the states you need to immediately
contact the doctor and psychologist I gave the
Admiral. #6 There was some evidence of memory loss
associated with this drug. Keep an eye out for things
people expect you to know that you don't. #7 Take
care of yourself for a change. Sleep when you are
tired. The Commander informed me that you normally do
not sleep well. One of the drugs is a mild sedative
and will help you sleep." Dr. Simmons finished and
took her right hand gently in his. "Take care of
yourself Sarah Mackenzie, I'll come see you next week
in the States and I better not find that you have
ignored what I just said."
"Yes, Sir. I'll look forward to seeing you and thank
you for everything." Mac replied. "I think I'll
visit the ladies room before we leave. Will you tell
Harm I'll be right out?"
"Certainly, Mac." Dr. Simmons replied and went to
find Harm. "Commander, Mac said to give her a few
minutes and she'll be ready. We need to discuss a few
things. Mac will try to hide most of her pain and
especially the episodes from you. I've given her a
schedule for her pills, here is a copy for you. Make
sure she sticks to it. Let her have some freedom but
try to keep a close eye on her. She will be staying
with you?"
"Yes, Doctor, although we haven't told her about that
yet. Mac is one of the most stubborn people I've ever
met. She buries everything deeply." Harm explained
somewhat reluctantly. Was he betraying Mac's
confidence?
"If she tries to force the memories that this drug is
recalling for her, she'll be compounding the problem.
You need to let her know that her friends are there to
help her not to feel sorry for hr or for her to feel
like a burden." Dr. Simmons replied. "Let her help
herself as much as possible. Watch for any memory
loss or any increase in episodes. If there are any
problems notify Webb and I will be there ASAP. If not
I'll see you at the end of next week."
"Anything in particular to be aware of for the plane
ride?" Harm asked.
"Yes, a nurse will meet you at the airport this
evening to give her a strong sedative to help her
sleep most of the way home to Washington. You
shouldn't have to restrain her in anyway. We should
be past that stage, just be careful how you approach
her during an episode. As her strength comes back she
could be dangerous." The doctor explained.
"Thank God we don't have to restrain her anymore, but
we will be careful. What about her back and hand?"
"The stitches in her hand were removed this morning,
the ones in her back yesterday. Her back can be left
without a bandage. I gave her a salve for the cuts on
her back and hand. The hand should remain lightly
bandaged due to location. She will need assistance
with putting it on her back. Both should be fine.
Take good care of her Commander Rabb." He ordered.
"I'm planning on it, Doctor." Rabb said seriously and
shook his hand. "Thank you for everything. I'd
better go get her before I have a very irate Marine on
my hands."
"Good luck Commander." He watched as Rabb entered
Mac's room and sent a silent prayer for her recovery.
He headed slowly down the hall to the Nurse's station.
Harm entered Mac's room to find Mac sitting calmly in
the wheelchair holding the black duffel bag Harriet
had the presence of mind to send with the Admiral.
"So marine, ready to go flying?" Harm asked and
flashed her his trademark fly-boy grin.
"As long as you aren't flying." She joked remembering
the flights of their past. She looked slowly around
the room. Her gaze stilled on the restraints that
still hung from the guardrails on the bed. Her gaze
then locked on the freshly repaired window. Harm
noticed the pain in her eyes and her silence.
Kneeling beside her he cupped her hands softly. "Mac,
let it go. You're going to be fine. The memories
can't hurt you anymore."
Mac smiled softly. "You're right, let's go fly-boy."
As Harm wheeled her from the room she wished she could
believe that the memories couldn't hurt her anymore."
Part 23
Mac stepped gingerly out of the car and walked
carefully to the helicopter. Harm watched her every
move. Realizing how difficult it would be for Mac to
step up into the helo, Harm gently picked her up and
handed her up to the Admiral who eased her into her
seat. She moaned softly when her ribs were jarred.
"Hold on Mac." The Admiral said.
"Okay everybody in? Seatbelts on." Keeter called
from the pilot's chair.
Mac tried to fasten her seatbelt before realizing that
with the damage to her hands, it would be next to
impossible. Tears of frustration filled her eyes as
her hands trembled violently.
"Here Darlin', let me do that." A.J. said and
tenderly fastened her seatbelt. His heart broke at
the sight if this kick-ass Marine defeated by a
seatbelt.
"Thanks." Mac said and smiled at him with teary eyes.
"No problem, Colonel." He responded.
"I like darlin' better." She joked.
"Cute Colonel. Now rest we'll meet Zahir in thirty
minutes." He ordered.
"Okay." Mac complied and leaned her head back on the
seat and closed her eyes. Her hands slowly stopped
trembling. A.J. watched her relax gently into sleep.
'Damn' he thought 'if just going from the hospital to
the helicopter was bad. What's going to happen after
the meeting with Zahir.'
"Admiral, how's Mac doing?" Harm asked from the
front.
"She's sleeping, believe it or not." He replied.
"Good, she needs the rest. She doesn't look like she
slept well." Rabb paused before continuing. "Sir is
there anyway we can keep her from seeing Zahir?"
"Probably not. I could order her, you could try and
bully her, and Clay could try to sweet talk her but
she would still go." A.J. said resigned.
"But Sir." Rabb responded before he was interrupted.
"You heard the Admiral, Commander. Now shut up and
let me sleep. You should know and better then to wake
up a marine." Mac ordered.
"Yes, Ma'am." Rabb smiled and turned back to assist
Keeter.
Clay and A.J. exchanged amused glances at the
conversation between Mac and Harm. The men were
silent on the trip to meet Zahir. They all dreaded
the confrontation awaiting Mac. Webb called Zahir
last night and asked him to meet then at a secluded
airstrip out of town. They wanted to avoid a public
place where Mac would have to face too many people at
one time.
"Admiral, we're about five minutes from the airstrip
if you want to wake Mac." Keeter said.
"Mac." A.J. lightly tapped her on the knee. She
jerked away and glanced around frantically.
"Oh Admiral." Mac said as she tried to catch her
breath. "You startled me. Are we almost there?"
"Yes we're about five minutes out." A.J. replied.
"Mac, are you sure you want to do this? Its not too
late to back out and let us talk to Zahir." Harm
said.
"Yes, Harm I'm sure. I appreciate your concern, but
this is something I have to do." She said firmly as
they descended to the airstrip.
Harm lifted Mac out of the helicopter to the Admiral.
Harm couldn't help but notice how fragile his once
strong as steel Marine, looked dressed in black
against the dry desert landscape. Wind lifted her
hair gently, as she gazed across the runaway at the
warehouse that stood at the east corner of the
airfield. Pain and fear warred within her. She
quickly shook the emotions off and turned to the four
men who gazed at her in concern.
"Let's go." She said firmly and headed towards the
warehouse. They made quite an impression walking
across the desert terrain, Mac dressed in black and
the men were in khaki. Mac forced herself to walk
steadily and determinedly. 'You can do this, just
stay strong until you're back on the helicopter then
you can let it hit you.' She thought.
As she entered the building, she spotted Zahir and two
bodyguards standing about twenty yards away. He
quickly broke away and walked towards her.
"Serena, you're okay?!" He said joyfully and before
anyone realized his intentions, he clasped her to him
in a large bear hug. Mac's cry of pain echoed through
the building.
"Hey watch it!" Harm said and moved menacingly
towards him.
"Harm, back off. I'm okay. Now you guys go over
there with Zahir's guards." She said firmly.
"We are not leaving you." Clay interrupted.
"Admiral, please." Mac looked at the Admiral with
eyes that begged for his support.
"You heard her. Everyone let's go. Mac, we'll be
right over there if you need us just give us a wave."
With that parting comment, the men reluctantly crossed
the room.
"Zahir, let's sit down over here." Mac gestured
towards a couple of chairs in the near corner.
Zahir watched Serena struggle to walk steadily to the
chairs and sit carefully down. He knew she had been
hurt badly.
"Zahir, I have to tell you something and its one of
the hardest thing I've ever done." She paused and
gathered her courage. "My name is actually Lt.
Colonel Sarah Mackenzie of the United States Marine
Corp. I was recruited to come here and capture
Murrick in the process of gun running. I lied to you
and your people. I'm so sorry." She finished with
tears swimming in her eyes.
"What?" He half-heartedly laughed trying to play it
off. He gazed into her dark eyes and realized the
truth. "Serena, I mean Sarah, why did you come to me
the first time then?"
"We had reason to believe Murrick was recruiting you
for his activities. So they figured you would lead me
to him. However they didn't count on him kidnapping
Alexie or the events that followed. They did capture
Murrick but he escaped shortly after. His return was
rumored in Arabia. So they called me to resume the
role of Serena. I accepted for two reasons. One to
make sure he didn't come after Alexie again. Two to
get revenge for what he did to me. He had to be
stopped Zahir. I'm sorry I had to lie to you." She
explained.
"So the whole time it was just a game? You just
played my people and me for your own purposes? What
kind of woman are you? When were you rescued? I
figure pretty quickly, but you didn't care enough to
let us know. You let us worry about you and feel
guilty for not protecting you." Zahir accused. "Do
you even care that Alexie has cried herself to sleep
every night since you were taken? Or were you even
taken, or was that just a game too?"
"Zahir, I'm so sorry for lying to you and your people.
I care about you and Alexie." Mac replied her voice
thick with tears. Meeting his eyes she continued.
"Zahir, I had to keep Murrick from selling more
weapons and from kidnapping little girls. I regret
having hurt you."
Zahir could feel the anger of betrayal coursing
through him. Part of him wanted to shake her and
curse her for lying to him. The other part wanted to
pull her close and beg her to stay. Looking at her
closely he really saw the bruises and bandages. As
his gaze slid over her, he stopped at her hands, which
were trembling violently. He felt his anger melt away
at the sight.
"Serena, I know why you did what you did. I can even
understand it. Are you okay?" He asked growing more
concerned. He cupped her cheek gently in his palm.
"No, I'm not." Mac answered and let the tears flow
down her face. "I've hurt you and Alexie. I'm so
ashamed." She forced out, then moaned as the shaking
got worse. The warehouse and Zahir faded from her
sight, as memories flooded her mind.
The first image was of herself leaning against a car
window of a moving car. A screech of brakes followed
by pain. She felt something wet splash on her face.
Raising her hand to the spot it hit, she was surprised
to pull it away covered with blood. She traced the
blood back to a deep cut along her forehead. Dazedly
she looked around trying to remember what happened.
Her gaze fell on a crumbled mass of metal that had
once been a car. Dawning recognition swept through
her. That metal was Eddie's car and I'm bleeding.
Eddie? She yelled for him over and over until she saw
a still figure on the other side of the vehicle.
Crawling across the road she leaned over him amazed at
the amount of blood around him. Gazing into his eyes,
she begged. "Eddie, I'm right here, I'm not going
anywhere and you can't either. Don't die, please
don't die." The light in his eyes slowly faded.
Zahir gazed at Mac in shock. 'What the Hell?'
Glancing over at the four men who came in with her,
they immediately headed towards him. "Serena, are you
okay? Serena?" He asked concerned and grasped her
hands in his. She reacted quickly and pushed his
hands away.
"No get away. I'm sorry. I didn't want you to die.
Please don't die. It's my fault. My fault. My
fault." Mac moaned and drew her knees up under her
chin, rocking slightly back and forth. "My fault. My
fault."
"Mac!" Harm yelled when he got closer and realized
how upset she was. Kneeling in front of her, he
looked into her dark eyes and realized she was lost in
an episode. Seeing the fear and confusion on Zahir's
face, he took pity on him. "She'll be alright, Zahir.
It's a reaction to a drug Murrick gave her. She's
getting better." He said firmly. "This will pass
soon but she'll be wiped out. She never meant to hurt
you or Alexie. One of the first questions she asked
after we rescued her, was if you and Alexie were okay?
He hurt her very badly. She is suffering so much
physical and emotional pain. She feels very guilty
for hurting you."
"God, poor Serena, I mean Sarah." Zahir stumbled.
"Will she recover?"
"Pretty much. The doctor said she would have some
lasting effects, but overall she will recover." Harm
paused as Mac's tremors slowed and she gazed around
dazedly.
"Harm?" She softly said before her eyes closed and
her body went limp. Harm quickly cradled her in his
arms.
"Zahir, she wanted to come see you herself. I need to
get her out of here and on the plane bound for home.
A nurse is waiting to give her, her medication." Harm
explained.
"Commander Rabb, please tell her I will remember the
good times and I will explain it to Alexie. Tell her
she is welcome in my home any time she wants or needs
to. We will love and remember her." Zahir said
sincerely.
"I will tell her, Zahir. I'm sure she will contact
you when she feels better. I would also like to
apologize for my role in this deception. It was an
honor to meet you, Zahir." Harm responded and headed
for the door.
"Likewise, Commander Rabb." He said and stopped Rabb
from going any further. He leaned in and kissed Mac
softly on the cheek. "Take care, my Serena." Zahir
turned and walked away, unable to watch her fly away.
Harm again handed Mac up to A.J. This time A.J. put
the seatbelt around them both and held her during the
flight. Silence reigned on the trip back to the main
airport where they would connect with Webb's private
jet for the trip to Washington, D.C.
Part 24
A.J. gazed at the beautiful woman he held in his arms.
He wished things were different, not for the first
time. He wished that the close call of a kiss between
them, had been able to be more. A superior officer
and an officer under him could not have a
relationship, those were the rules of the military.
Even if those rules were not in the way, he knew she
loved Harmon Rabb, Jr. even if he had his head up his
six. There was no doubt that Mac was beautiful, but
she was also a strong, opinionated, lawyer who could
hold her own with anyone. Her strength and
willingness to give anything to help her friends made
her irresistible. She moaned slightly and shifted to
a more comfortable position.
"Easy, Mac. Go back to sleep." He stroked her hair
as she relaxed fully against him.
"Sir, we'll be at the airport in ten minutes." Keeter
informed the Admiral.
"Good. Radio ahead and make sure the jet is ready to
go and the nurse is standing by." A.J. ordered.
"Webb, how long from the airport to D.C.?"
"About six hours, A.J." Webb responded. "I'll call
when we get to the airport and make sure a car is
waiting for us."
"Harriett and Bud will be at Harm's in about two hours
with Mac's clothes. Harriett said she would have
meals made for the next three days. Bud will keep
Jingo at their house 'till Mac goes home. They will
also pick up an assortment of videos. I know you
don't have a television, Rabb. They are also bringing
Mac's TV and VCR to your apartment. I'll call them
when we reach the airport to make sure everything is
on schedule."
"Sir, tell them to get old classic movies. She
prefers black and white. Also ask Harriett to get
some steaks and chicken breasts. We'll grill one
night." Harm offered.
"Alright. Black and white movies, steak, and
chicken." A.J. confirmed.
"We're going in for a landing, hang on." Keeter
advised as he brought the helicopter lightly down to
the ground.
Handing Mac gently to Harm, A.J. stepped out if the
helo and headed with Webb to find a phone. Keeter and
Harm took Mac to the waiting private jet. Entering
the jet, they found it was divided into four rooms. A
cockpit, a livingroom designed area, a bathroom, and a
bedroom. Harm took Mac directly to the bedroom and
gently laid her down. The nurse that met them at the
door of the jet, followed behind him into the room.
She checked Mac over and gave her an injection.
"That should keep her sleeping most of the way back.
You said she recently had an episode." She continued
after his nod of agreement. "How long did it last and
how bad was it?"
"It lasted around ten minutes and it was pretty bad,
but it wasn't violent in anyway." Harm responded.
"When we get her home, any special instructions on the
injection you just gave her?"
"No, she may have a headache afterwards and a
lingering feeling of tiredness for a couple hours.
Dr. Simmons prescribed a very heavy duty sedative.
He's trying to get her the rest she needs.
Overtiredness and pushing herself to hard and fast
will trigger the episodes." The nurse replied. "Keep
a close eye on her. She will probably be dizzy for
awhile afterwards."
"Thank you, Ma'am. We'll take good care of her."
Harm promised as the nurse left the plane. "Keeter,
go check with the pilot and see how long before
take-off."
"Sure, Harm." Keeter replied and left.
Harm sat down beside Mac on the bed and brushed the
hair off of her face. He gently traced the dark
circles under her eyes. The physical symptom of her
troubled sleep brought back memories of the night she
spent on his couch, protecting him from Palmer. A
noise in the middle of the night had drawn him from
his bed into the living room, where he found her
gazing out the window. The look in her eyes, the
tears that she fought so hard to hide, and the image
of loneliness she portrayed gazing out the window. It
was at that moment that he realized that there was
much more to the kick-ass marine that she normally let
him see. Death had followed her the past year and
Clay's supposed death and the threat on his life had
brought back all the memories. She had quickly
brushed away his concern and sent him back to bed. As
he walked away, she asked if she could strip it down.
At that moment he knew he wanted her, probably more
then he had ever wanted anyone in his life. Then she
had burst his fantasy thoughts by clarifying that she
was talking about his gun.
She was an enigma, loving, compassionate, vulnerable,
strong and lethal all rolled into a fireball of a
woman. The pain she had endured brought out his
protective side. Her unquestionable loyalty to her
friends made him love her all the more. He knew that
they had a long way to go, but he made a vow that they
would one day be together. He loved her stubbornness,
her loyalty, her beauty, her strength, and her ability
to reach out to children and adults alike. Her faults
and her past all made her who she is and who she will
become. One of his grandmother's favorite sayings was
always 'that which does not kill us makes us
stronger'. Mac personified this saying. She simply
took his breath away.
She moved restlessly, her hands trembling. He tried
to sooth her motion. "Easy, Mac. Go to sleep." She
slowly settled down. He kissed her lightly on the
cheek and went to check on an ETA for take-off.
Clay and A.J. made their way onto the plane.
"Everything's set. A car will meet us in six hours at
Dulles. The Roberts are taking care of everything at
your apartment, Harm." A.J. explained. "How's Mac?"
"Sleeping, the nurse gave her a strong sedative. She
should be out 'till we get there. I'll take the first
hour then we can rotate." Harm replied.
"Sounds good." A.J. responded. "Keeter said we
should be taking off in about ten minutes."
"Good." Harm commented.
"There's food in the living room area if you all are
hungry." Webb informed them. "I had them send enough
for a hungry Marine. So there should be plenty for
four men."
"Webb, any lingering fallout from Murrick's death?"
A.J. asked.
"Not really, once we busted the exchange between
Murrick's boss and the Iranians, Murrick's group was
all but annihilated. Mac gave us the opportunity and
the means to get the information. They were one of
the largest gun running groups in the world."
"Good, I just wanted to make sure there was no one to
seek vengeance against Mac." A.J. replied.
"We're ready to take-off. The pilot is getting
clearance now." Keeter informed them as he walked
into the living room area. "You all need to take a
seat and buckle in. Where's Mac?"
"She's asleep in the bedroom. I'll go sit with her.
One of you come relieve me in an hour." Harm directed
as he headed out of the room.
"I'll take the next hour, then Webb, Keeter, and we'll
start all over again." The Admiral ordered. "Get
your seatbelts on so we can get out of this country."
They all settled down as the plane took-off. Each of
them breathed a sigh of relief at seeing the country
disappear from view. They knew Mac had a long road
ahead towards recovery, but heading home was the first
step.
Part 25
After reaching cruising altitude, Webb, Keeter, and
Chedwiggan passed the next hour discussing each others
past adventures as they ate the food they had laid out
for them.
"So Keeter, where are you heading next?" A.J. asked.
"Depends on the Navy. Right now I've got thirty days
leave on the books and I believe I'm going to take at
least twenty of them. These missions with Webb wear
me out." He replied.
"Sounds good to me. Are you going to stay in D.C.?"
A.J. asked.
"Probably." Keeter responded. "I think Mac and Harm
are going to need all the help they can get."
"They have a long road ahead." Webb commented. "A.J.
have you given any thought of what you are going to do
with Mac if she can't return to the courtroom?"
"No Webb, I haven't. I figure we'll cross that bridge
if we get there." A.J. said firmly brooking no
arguments. "Mac will be fine and if she's not we'll
find a way to make it work."
"You should have seen her at Zahir's party. She was
simply stunning. I told Rabb he was a fool." Keeter
interrupted trying to release some of the tension.
"I can believe it." A.J. replied.
"I have to admit." Said Webb. "She was absolutely
breathtaking. Dressed all in sheer red material that
was enough to drive a sane man crazy."
"Yeah'll but the attitude is what made her
irresistible. She walked in like she owned the place.
The people saw her as a hero who rescued their
leader's child. She inspired loyalty and love from
them all. They treated her like she had lived there
forever. One lady told me that Serena had had helped
her through her husband's death and that if not for
her, she would have taken her own life and left her
daughters without a mother." Keeter explained.
"Mac's spirit was evident to these people, they saw
someone who would do anything to keep them safe."
"That's true and when she spoke to them it was with
genuine affection which they saw and respected. The
children adored her, the women befriended her, and the
men vowed to protect her." Webb replied. "They all
knew vaguely what she had been through at Murrick's
hands, and they all wanted to bring peace to her.
After she was captured, one soldier commented that he
didn't think the light left in Serena's eyes could
survive being captured by Murrick again."
"Do you think they will find their way to each other
this time?" Keeter asked.
A.J. and Clay knew what he was talking about. "I hope
so, Keeter, I really hope so." A.J. replied.
"I thought that after the adventure in Iran with the
black stealth jet, they would realize how much they
mean to each other. Mac was with me and she was more
worried about Harm making it back to the carrier then
us getting across hundreds of miles of desert with an
army on our heels." Keeter remembered.
"Harm was with me and he was terrified that you and
Mac wouldn't make it back." Webb added.
"We almost didn't. If Mac hadn't done some quick
talking and flirting we would have died in that
desert." Keeter admitted. "I couldn't believe Harm
when he said they just worked together. You don't
look at a coworker the way he was looking at Mac. A
fool could see that they cared for each other."
"Yeah'll they've been that way almost since the
beginning. Arguing or laughing they always bring out
the best of each other in the courtroom. Truthfully,
I don't know which I enjoy more, watching them go head
to head or work as a team. Against each other, the
sparks fly. Partnered they annihilate the
competition." A.J. described. "They have seen each
other through so much, I just hope they can do it
again."
"By the way, do you know how she does the time thing?"
Keeter asked. "She drove me crazy with it in Iran."
"All she's ever told me is that it's a Marine thing."
Webb replied.
"Same here." A.J. agreed. "At first I tried to catch
her telling the wrong time, however she was always
dead on."
"Maybe it's a Marine thing." Webb laughed.
"Mac said she was able to do it even as a child."
Keeter added.
"I think its from all the times she dreadfully watched
the clock counting the minutes until her Son of Bitch
father was due home. She never said so, but I think
that has something to do with the human watch." Harm
said as he came into the room. "Who's next?"
"I am. Has she been restless?" A.J. answered.
"No she's sleeping quietly." Harm replied. "Call me
if she wakes up."
"Sure." A.J. said and shared a smile with Keeter and
Webb. "Sit down Commander, eat something, and get
some sleep. When we get to Washington, D.C., Mac will
need you. That is an order Commander."
"Yes, Sir." He answered.
Part 26
A.J. sat quietly next to Mac. He was struck by the
vulnerable beauty of her face, which was marred by
bruises. Life had not been kind to Sarah Mackenzie,
and he was aware that what little he knew was just a
small portion of a larger uglier picture. He knew
about Joseph Mackenzie and how he had beaten his wife.
Even though he knew Sarah would never admit it, he
figured he had beaten her too. He thought of his
daughter Francesca and couldn't begin to understand
how a father could hit their child. As an Admiral and
Judge Advocate General he had access to all his
staff's files. Mac's childhood was littered with
trips to the base doctor's office. A broken arm,
bruised ribs, fractured wrist, two concussions, and a
three inch gash on the back of her head all occurred
within the last year she lived with her father. He
also knew Mac was an admitted alcoholic before she was
even old enough to buy alcohol.
Her husband Chris had tried to blackmail her into
loving him. He knew that she still felt guilty for
Chris and Dalton's death. She felt responsible for
their death. Mac had a tendency to feel responsible
for all the bad things that happened around her. He
was almost positive that the feeling was also a
by-product of her childhood. Her father was not only
physically abusive but also emotionally and verbally
abusive. She had slipped once and made a comment that
words wound deeper then the sharpest blade or the
heaviest fist. During many of the episodes she had
experienced since the rescue, she had repeatedly said
'It's my fault'. Was that belief embedded in her soul
by her father?
Her file was also filled with her repeatedly
volunteering for dangerous locations and situations.
Her assignment at JAG in Washington, D.C., was the
tamest of all her stations. The gaps in her record
also pointed towards intelligent work. She always
kept him on his toes, almost as much as she did Harm.
He had to admit that he loved to see Mac knock Rabb on
that tomcat-flying ego of his. Meg and Kate had been
adequate partners for Harm but never really even came
close to being his equal. Harm won cases he had no
right to win because he played the emotions and the
good old boys military card with juries. Mac was
solid and could give as good as she got. The only
reason Harm had a winning record against her was
because she kept her emotions close to her chest and
didn't play them to win a case. Mac was logical and
felt that the facts should win the case not emotions
and she was probably right. She was improving daily
winning more and more cases. What if she can't go
back to being a trial lawyer or even an investigator?
His thoughts were interrupted by Mac's voice. "Sir?"
"Yeah, Mac, I'm right here. Do you need something?"
He asked.
"Thirsty." She mumbled still half asleep.
"Okay, let me get you something." A.J. said and went
out of the room.
Mac fought to stay conscious, whatever they had
injected her with certainly held a strong punch. The
nurse had said that the drug would keep the episodes
away, she was wrong. It only made her unable to fight
them or to cry out.
The last episode had taken her back to a mission in
South America that took place before she joined the
JAG office in Washington, D.C. Her job had been to
infiltrate a cartel suspected of drug running
throughout the world. At the time she was still young
and stupid and willing to risk it all in the name of
adventure and justice. That mission had scarred her
for life.
She had been undercover as a mercenary Anna Strivesky
for over a month, when she had been given enough
information to set up a bust. The cartel had a large
meeting planned for the evening with every member in
attendance to discuss and distribute their supply. A
boat had come to the island carrying over 10,000 kilos
of cocaine to divide amongst the group for
transportation. Mac had been able to contact
'Charlie' her boss for the mission to let him know the
details. The meeting was planned for 6:00pm, the raid
would begin at 7:00pm. Mac was the inside person
whose job was to knock out the electronic security
system at 6:55pm.
The group was let by Mikail San Vega whose son Emilio
wanted her, and typically everything Emilio wanted,
Emilio got. He was barely eighteen and had followed
her from the dining hall that night. He had much to
drink tonight. She had the security system disabled
by the time he caught up to her.
"What are you doing out here, Anna?" He fussed when
he found her outside.
"I was just waiting for you to catch up." She lied.
"Let's go find a nice bed somewhere, Emilio." She
slowly unbuttoned her shirt revealing a red lace bra
that left very little to the imagination. He gasped
softly, torn between his suspicions and his lust. "Of
course we could just find a sturdy wall or there is
always the ocean." She said and slipped the shirt off
and cupped her lace-covered breasts as she moved
towards him.
"Anna, they are so beautiful." He forced out and
reached out to caress the lace himself.
"Oh that feels so good." She moaned and reached for
his shirt. She unbuttoned it and started to slip it
from his shoulders. About half way down with his arms
trapped in the sleeves, she pulled the gun he kept in
his waistband and hit him on the back of the head.
Surprise leaped in his eyes and was quickly replaced
by pain. He slid slowly to the floor. Mac quickly
pulled him into a closet and headed towards the dining
area.
She was about half way there, when she ran straight
into Mikail himself. "Mikail, wonderful party."
"Yes, isn't it. Where is Emilio?" He asked with fond
amusement. "Did you wear him out Anna?"
"No. He has wonderful stamina, probably as much as
his father." She replied seductively. "Maybe I can
compare sometime?"
"Anna, you are an amazing woman." He replied and
pulled her into his arms, kissing her violently.
"Maybe you should compare right now." He said and
pressed himself against her.
"What about your meeting?" She asked trying
desperately to stall him.
"Well the security system was knocked out, so they
went hunting to make sure all the wild animals in the
woods surrounding this house are destroyed." He
replied with a voice of steel.
"Are we in any danger here?" She asked feigning fear.
"No we are perfectly safe. The boys in blue will be
gone quickly." He replied and gazed at her with dead
eyes. "So Anna where were you really?"
"What do you mean?" She asked and was struck across
the face. Her ears rang slightly from the blow.
"You disabled the security system, didn't you?" He
stated. "Did you hurt Emilio?"
"Mikail, I don't know what you are talking about. I
left the hall to get some air. Emilio had been
flirting all night and I thought I could release some
tension, so I left knowing he'd follow. We had a
quickie, I left him and ran into you." Mac stated
calmly. "Now, do I get to sample the father's
equipment too?"
He gazed at her for a moment wondering if she was
telling the truth. He decided it did not matter
anyway, he knew he just wanted her. "Yes, you do."
He answered and picked her up and headed for the
stairs to his bedroom.
Mac had learned as a child that to get what you want
you had to play along. She nuzzled his neck, praying
for the sound of gunfire from the agents that should
have the place surrounded by now. He roughly pawed
her as he laid her on the bed.
"Now you will see the difference between a man and a
boy." He said braggingly as he pulled his shirt off
and started to remove his pants.
Decision time, she thought. Fight him now or do this
for the cause. She knew if she fought him now, he
would kill her, she would kill him or at the very
least her cover would be blown. Where the hell was
her backup? The battle for an answer waged inside
her. She knew the only way to stop this group from
distributing drugs throughout the world was to catch
the main people involved. This was her best chance to
keep the mission on track. She took a deep breath and
reached for him.
After it was over, he left the room to return to the
meeting below. She pulled herself gingerly from the
bed, feeling bruises forming on her thighs and arms.
He hadn't raped her. She had submitted, however he
was not a gentle lover. A feeling of betrayal due to
her lack of back-up, and a feeling of rage against the
man who just left. She made herr way quickly to her
room, changed clothes and pulled the gun from a secret
compartment in her suitcase. Dressed in black from
head to toe, she crept from the house and through an
overgrown path to the ocean alcove.
She stepped into the cave quietly not wanting to
startle any waiting agents. Passing no sentry on her
way in she feared that they had all been killed by the
cartel. Reaching the rear of the cave she found all
the agents sitting around a fire laughing at the
stupid members of the cartel searching for a raid that
was never going to take place.
"Agent Rollins!" Mac yelled. "What the hell do you
think your doing? You were supposed to be inside that
house arresting everyone in sight by now."
"Just calm your pretty little head. We decided to
wait and go in the morning." He laughed at the
shocked expression on her face. "I could ask you the
same thing. What the hell are you doing here? Things
get a little hot at the mansion." He said with a
leer.
"You son of a bitch." She replied and before she
thought it through punched him in the jaw. "You left
me in there after I turned off the security system.
Do you have any idea what I had to do to keep this
mission intact?" Anger pulsed through her demanding
to be released. "I will be ready in the morning at
0700, don't be late or the next time I will break your
jaw." She glared at him and stormed out leaving
twenty stunned men.
Mac made herself calm down and sneak back to the
house. She eased into the hallway outside the meeting
room and listened to the voices planning inside. She
listened for about an hour writing down dates, times,
and places as they scheduled drop points for drug
shipments. Just in case the genius agents screwed up
again.
Mac headed back to her bedroom, when she remembered
that she had left Emilio unconscious inside the
storage building outside. He should be fine till the
morning. She entered her room and took the chair
beside the window. Mac had no doubt that she would
not sleep that night. Memories of Mikail San Vega's
hands on her kept the peace that sleep could bring
away.
At 0645 Mac slipped on her shoes, checked her weapon,
and prepared to join in the assault. At 0700, Agent
Rollins and his men surrounded the compound loudly,
waking half the cartel in the process. What should
have been an easy operation, turned into a blood bath.
Once the shooting began, she slipped from her room
and down the stairs. She joined in the gun battle
seeing that the agents were highly undergunned and
under manned. When it was over ten agents and fifteen
cartel members were dead, many more injured. The
other fifteen members of the cartel were arrested.
Emilio and Mikail San Vega were both killed in the
gunfight. Mac knew that her bullet had felled the
father, but the son's death was a mystery. When the
smoke clearer, Agent Rollins approached Mac and said.
"Was that on time enough for you?"
"Not really." She said. "Your loud approach led to
the death of twenty-five people."
"Oh your just sore because your rich boyfriend Mikail
died in the fight by my bullet." He replied with a
game of one up manship.
"You Bastard." Mac responded and again punched him.
This time however she aimed for the nose and heard it
give a satisfactory crack. She turned got into her
car and left. She requested a change of duty station.
This episode didn't rip her soul apart like some of
them did, this one just made her want to sit and cry
for hours. The sedative was trying to pull her back
under. A.J. came through the door. He eased her up
until she was able to drink the juice from a cup. She
sighed at the feel of the cold liquid soothing her
throat from the all the screaming that happened in her
head.
"Thanks." She sighed and drifted back to sleep.
"Your welcome, Mac. God please let her sleep until we
get home." A.J. watched her sleep as the minutes
ticked by.
Part 27
Clay took his turn sitting by Mac's bedside. She
slept restlessly, moaning softly at every shift in
position. 'Damn, why did I send her back there?' He
asked himself the same question he had asked himself
since she had disappeared. His only answer was
'Because she's Mac and she's one of the best'.
The first time he saw Sarah Mackenzie, he remembered
thinking how could someone so beautiful be a Marine.
He had watched from a distance as she shook hands with
her new partner Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. Step one
was complete. They would join forces and lead him to
Mac's Uncle Matt. They had prevailed and kept her
Uncle alive. He was now in Leavenworth Prison. Mac
was a strong woman with a great amount of feelings for
her friends that she struggled to hide.
Her file with the intelligence department was over two
inches thick and full of successful missions. Mac was
an excellent leader in the field and very protective
of agents under her command. The most common
complaints against her were regarding her lack of
concern for her personal safety and her demands for
complete loyalty and dedication to the mission. She
had sustained numerous small injuries. Mac was
praised by her team members for her relentless need to
make the mission succeed but they all were concerned
over her lack of concern for herself.
Her superiors were split some praised her drive and
her record while others criticized her performance as
being too John Wayne-ish. Mac had battled some of the
fiercest people pursued by the United States. Large
international drug lords, weapons dealers, terrorists,
and rogue military groups were all affected by Mac's
success. There was still missing pieces in her
record, parts that were classified. He had tried for
awhile to discover the missing periods but was
repeatedly rebuffed by his superiors.
"Harm." Mac moaned and turned restlessly on the bed.
"Don't leave me. Please don't leave me here."
"Take it easy, Mac. Harm is right outside the room.
We won't leave you alone anywhere. You have four very
determined men who will do anything needed to keep you
safe and sound. A.J., Keeter, Harm, and I will see
you through this Mac." Clay said trying to soothe
her. He gently brushed her hair from her eyes.
"Sleep Mac. Please sleep and let the memories go for
tonight."
Mac slowly relaxed into sleep, feeling safe. As her
features relaxed, Clay was struck again by her
enthralling beauty. Her still bruised face was a
contradiction to her finally peaceful features. He
knew she would physically heal, but he had his doubts
on her ability to heal emotionally. Mac's life had
not been easy by any stretch of the word. Pain was
nothing new to her and it bothered him that he had
added more to it through the mission.
When he started to move away from her, she grabbed his
hand. Without opening her eyes, she said "Don't
leave."
"I'm not leaving Mac. I'm right here." He replied
and watched her fall back to sleep.
"You won't be alone any more." He promised.
Part 28
About two hours before arrival in Washington, D.C.,
Keeter entered Mac's room.
"My turn, Clay. Rabb and the Admiral want to talk to
you anyway. How is she?" He asked quietly as he
noticed Clay's position on the bed holding her hand.
"She's sleeping on and off. She's restless. You just
need to assure her that we are not going to leave her
alone." Clay directed. "Mac's been restless most of
the time."
"Okay I'll just sit where you were." Keeter
responded.
"Great." Clay said and started to rise.
"Don't leave me, please." Mac begged softly.
"It's okay Mac, we're not leaving you alone. It's
Keeter and I am going to stay right here with you."
Keeter said gently and took Clay's vacated spot.
Mac settled back down. Keeter watched the brave
soldier before him sleep. He had been impressed with
Mac first as a woman, then as a soldier. She had been
instrumental in securing his release from an Iranian
prison.
Mac had bartered herself as collatoral for the return
of the Black Jet Keeter had been forced to land in the
Iranian desert. He could see the fear Mac and Harm
felt for each other's safety. The computer on the jet
could go out way before Harm reached the carrier.
Keeter and Mac were left to run from an army through
the desert with Faisol. His heart had stopped when
she rode off with Faisol on a horse. The army chasing
them had come within two yards of Faisol's horse with
a shell. When he saw Mac fly off the horse, he
thought for sure she was critically wounded. He had
forced the driver of the jeep to turn back and pick
them up. Mac was coming to her feet holding onto her
ribs by the time he reached her.
"Mac, get in hurry!" He yelled, his only thought was
to get her to safety.
"No, Keeter where is Faisol?" She yelled in reply
looking around frantically in the blowing sand.
"Mac, come on he's dead." Keeter replied. "Get in
the car, Colonel."
"No! I saw him fall, keep looking." Mac ordered in a
voice that held no room for argument. She finally
spotted him about thirty feet away. "Over here,
Keeter."
"Damn it Mac!" He yelled and directed the jeep to
follow her. She was kneeled over a fallen Faisol. He
raced over and tried to lift Faisol. "Mac, get in the
jeep. I'll bring him."
"Okay." She conceded seeing the determination in his
eyes.
He quickly placed Faisol in the jeep next to Mac and
they took off across the desert. Once they reached
safety, a medic checked Mac and Faisol out. Faisol
had a concussion and a broken arm. Mac sustained two
fractured ribs and a mild concussion from the blast.
She made him promise not to tell anyone including
Webb, Rabb, and Roberts about the injury.
They were held at a small compound near the pick-up
point. The compound's leader decided he wanted
something out of the deal. He never knew what it was
that Mac said to him in private, but whatever it was
it worked. They were given an escort to their
scheduled meeting place.
Faisol received the money promised to him and the U.S.
helicopter dropped him off to his tribe. He had
hugged Mac and kissed her gently on the cheek. "You
are welcome here anytime you want to come."
"Thank you." She replied. "But I thought you had
enough wives."
He laughed softly and bid her farewell.
The flight back to the carrier was completed in
silence. As they disembarked from the helicopter, she
leaned towards him and said firmly. "Remember your
promise."
He had agreed and they went to meet Harm. He had
watched them embrace and knew that whatever small
chance he had at a relationship with her was
definitely moot. The love they shared for each other
was readily apparent. How could anyone see them
together and not see that they were so much more then
friends?
"Hey Keeter, go get some coffee and check with the
pilot, I'll take over here." Harm instructed.
"Do you realize how special she is Harm?" Keeter
couldn't resist asking.
"Yes, Keeter I definitely know how special she is."
Harm replied. "Now get out of here."
"Okay, just one more comment." Keeter stood up and
looked Harm directly in the eye. "You almost lost her
on this mission. Most people don't get a second
chance, remember that."
Harm watched in amazement as Keeter left the room.
'Great now even he's getting in this. Don't worry Mac
when your better we'll talk about the future."
Part 29
Harm watched Sarah Mackenzie sleep as they flew across
the ocean. The weeks ahead terrified him. He knew
that Mac would be facing an uphill battle for her
career and her sanity. He had always known Mac was
the strongest person he had ever met and one of the
most loyal. Now he knew she was also the most
determined. He had seen it in her eyes this morning
when she confronted Zahir face to face. Mac was
determined to move ahead and show no weakness in front
of them. Typical hard-ass Marine.
Harm knew he still had to tell her about where she
would be staying. She wasn't going to be happy about
the constant supervision and when she realized how
hard her road will be to get back to work and more
importantly into the courtroom. The airport would be
another obstacle for her journey home. Webb called
ahead and arranged for a wheelchair to be waiting at
the ramp when they disembarked from the plane. She
had slept restlessly throughout the flight, the
medication doing its job. No episodes for almost six
hours, that was the longest she had gone.
Realistically he knew that the episodes were probably
just suppressed from the medication.
Control was something Mac had strived for in her life.
During her childhood, she had no control of her life.
While drinking made her feel like she was in control,
it had actually just made her less in control. The
military had molded her into an officer of the highest
caliber. He couldn't name one person he would rather
have protecting his six then Mac. Her devotion and
loyalty to her friends had on numerous occasions
caused her physical injury.
The tough Marine who held her emotions behind a shield
when she first arrived at JAG had become more open.
She had slowly let Bud, the Admiral, and Harm into her
close set of friends. In the six years she had been
at JAG, no friends from her past had ever come to
visit that he knew of. Mac had spoken only of a few
people in the past, her mother, her father, and Eddie.
A couple others, her husband Chris, her Uncle Matt
and John ex-CO had ventured back into her life due to
circumstances. The months before he returned to
flying were the best he'd ever had with a partner.
They existed on the same level, they could read each
other's reactions. They were both adrenaline junkies.
Harm in Tomcats, Mac in hand-to-hand combat and
weaponry. He was her flyboy and she was his
ninja-girl. They made each other better lawyers and
better people.
When he returned from flying their relationship had
changed beyond recognition. Mac was a Lieutenant
Colonel and acting Chief of Staff with a winning
record that rivaled his own. He was the new kid at
the middle of the pack, Brumby had his office and it
appeared his best friend. They would have flashes of
their former friendship pop up occasionally. Then
that damn trip to Sydney with Brumby and him acting
like complete morons. Bud was correct when he said
they were fighting over Mac. And idiot that he was he
let Brumby win, by letting fear rule his actions. He
tried for months to brush aside his reaction to the
ring she wore, however as her wedding drew closer he
knew he loved Mac. Even with the truth revealed to
himself, he couldn't get the words right at her
engagement party. He never said "Mac I love you." He
used all kinds of phrases like 'some people being in
love with you'. Everything vague, typical.
When he crashed on his way back to attend her wedding,
he figured that his chance with Mac was over. Part of
him hoped that she would call of the wedding. He
never knew what happened, but when he came to in
Bethesda Hospital, Mac was there and the ring was
gone. Even the Robert's apparently didn't know what
had happened. Neither could keep a secret for very
long. Mac had helped keep Harm entertained while he
recovered and kept the office in order when the
Admiral was called away unexpectedly. She came by
everyday to check on him, even though or maybe because
she knew how it annoyed Renee. She had looked
exhausted when she visited but she always used that
drill Sargeant voice to encourage and bully him to
complete the exercises the doctor recommended. He had
to admit she made his day when she walked in to his
room. Shortly after he returned to work, he broke it
off with Renee.
Harm decided it was time to pursue whom he really
wanted and that was one Lt. Colonel Sarah 'Mac'
Mackenzie. They had started meeting at night to
discuss cases and watch videos. Both were avoiding
any talk of the future, they were just trying to
discover if they really had a strong basis for a
romantic relationship. Then this mission came up and
all Hell broke loose.
"Mac, we will find away to make our relationship work.
I love you, Sarah." Harm said and stroked her hand
as he felt the plane slowly begin descent in altitude.
He estimated that they were less then an hour from
D.C. "Sleep Baby, we're almost home."
Part 30
Mac felt the medication fog in her mind clear as time
went by. Hopefully, it would soon relinquish its hold
and allow her the ability to fight the episodes that
had increased if anything due to the medication. She
could hear Harm breathing deeply beside her. Poor guy
he hadn't got much sleep in the last week and a half,
she thought. God, she loved him for wanting to take
care of her. She could count on one hand the number
of people who had cared enough to take care of her
when she was ill.
Harm's feelings for her were a mystery to her. Had he
really meant that he loved her on the Admiral's porch
that night that now seemed so long ago? She wouldn't
let herself believe or even hope that was the truth.
Mac knew he cared for her, but was it just friendship?
She valued his friendship so much that just the
thought of jeopardizing it terrified her.
How could she allow herself to fall in love with him?
Every man she had ever been with was chosen for
safety. None of them could touch her heart, so how
could they hurt her? Chris was an escape from one
Hell to another, and he died at her hands. John
Farrow warmed her soul with his words when the night
got to dark and cold, and he lost his career because
of her. Dalton was flashy and died because of her.
Mic Brumby said he loved her and wanted a family, but
all he wanted was his image of a wife not a Marine
Colonel, and he had given up everything to be with
her. All paid for their time with her dearly. She
enjoyed each of their company during the relationship,
yet as her internal clock would attest, she was simply
limiting the time she spent alone.
Harmon Rabb Jr. could be infuriating as Hell when he
wanted to be, but you couldn't ask for a better friend
or partner. He had stood by her during some very
trying times. She would never forget the night
Costner captured her. Harm had stayed with her that
night, holding her hand firmly while she slept.
Nightmares punctured the night with scenes of Costner
forcing alcohol down her throat to his hands in places
they shouldn't have been. Harm had been there every
time she had waked up, gently soothing her with his
voice. The Marine and the Sailor were gone that
night, all that remained were two friends who needed
each other's strengths to make them each stronger.
He had repeated expressed disbelief at her support of
him in traveling to Russia. He would never know just
how much she valued his friendship. No matter how
much they fought over little things, she knew if she
needed him, he would be there. She hoped he knew she
would be there for him. Tears welled up in her eyes
as she thought of the recent events and how much she
wanted to just bury her head in his shoulder and cry
or scream until she couldn't feel the pain anymore.
The screams inside her kept demanding to be released.
Mac wanted nothing more then to be alone in a small
room, where no one would see, and scream for the pain
and fear that still haunted her.
The uncertain future before her scared her more then
she would ever let her friends see. What if I can no
longer be a lawyer? A marine? Who am I? That was a
question that had plagued her most of her life. The
shell of protection had been created so early in her
life, that existing without it terrified her. Mac
kept telling Harm to 'let go' yet she was the one who
couldn't let go of her fear of being no one. Her
father had pounded that feeling into her with his
words and his fists. 'Maybe I can be a lap dancer?'
She laughed softly at herself when a picture came to
mind of Colonel Mac Mackenzie giving a lap dance. She
probably couldn't even earn a living at that.
She could be a waitress. Before she joined the
Marines, she had been a waitress for about six months.
Of course who wanted a waitress whose hands shook so
severely that she would drop the dishes. Mac
frantically pushed away the despairing thoughts of the
future, when the plane started to make its descent.
"Mac." Harm said and gently touched her on the
shoulder. "Mac, we're landing. Can you wake up for
me?"
"I'm up." She replied and opened her eyes that
appeared almost black. "Help me sit up."
"Okay." Harm replied and helped her ease up into a
sitting position. "Easy Mac."
"I've slept for the last..." Mac stammered.
Harm frowned in confusion. When he saw the sadness
and fear in her eyes he realized the problem. "Mac,
you've been asleep for about six hours. Don't worry
the injection the nurse gave you was strong stuff and
it will effect you for a couple more hours."
"Okay." Mac replied, although she didn't quite
believe him. God, was Murrick's drug going to take
this away from her too? "Before we get to the
airport, I need to lay a few ground rules. Let me
finish." She said when Harm started to interrupt.
"Number one I will walk out of this airplane. Number
two, you better have a wheelchair waiting inside.
Number three, I'm starving so we are stopping for
take-out on the way home. Any questions?"
"Uh, no." Harm replied dazed at her list. "I have a
few too though."
"Okay." She replied reluctantly.
"Number one, you can walk out of this airplane on my
arm. Number two once we get to your place someone is
staying with you 24-7 until the doctor says otherwise.
Number three if you need help you have to ask for it.
No hard-ass Marine stuff. Any questions."
"No." She replied with tears in her eyes. "But can I
add one to mine?"
"Okay." He said reluctantly.
"Don't ask me about things I can't talk about yet. I
promise when I'm ready I will talk to you." Mac
promised sincerely.
"Alright, Ninja-Girl. Deal." He said and held out
his hand.
"Alright, Flyboy. Deal." She answered and they shook
on it.
Part 31
The men aboard the plane gave a collective sigh of
relief as they touched down on U.S. soil. They
finally felt that Mac was safe. Gripping Mac's arm
firmly, Harm guided her from the plane and into the
waiting wheel chair. The flight had taken its toll on
Mac and she slipped gratefully into the chair. The
men took up defensive positions around her. Harm
pushed her chair, A.J. and Clay ahead of them and
Keeter guarding the rear. She smiled at the sight
they must make as they made their way through the
crowded airport. She was bandaged, bruised and
dressed in black with four large determined men
surrounding her. Mac felt like a celebrity, all she
needed to complete the picture was a pair of
sunglasses.
She cursed softly as her hands began to tremble.
'Damn it not now." She thought. Mac fought the
trembling by sliding her hands under her thighs in the
chair. Flashes of light began behind her eyes.
"Harm."
The panic in her voice grabbed his attention. "What's
the matter Mac?" He asked and knelt before her. He
reached for her hands. Instantly he realized what was
wrong when he saw the location of her hands and the
vacant scared look in her eyes. "Admiral. Webb.
Find us somewhere private. Now!"
Both men looked back at and summed up the situation
quickly. They then performed the impossible. Inside
Dulles Airport where people were jammed together and
fighting to get to their planes, they were able to
make a path and secure the security department's
conference room. By the time they were inside, Mac
was immersed in the episode.
The feel of Murrick's knife slicing into her back
forced little moans to escape from deep inside her.
The scene abruptly changed to Murrick forcing himself
inside her. The pain would not end and she fought
violently to escape from his grasp. She clawed and
scratched at the arms that tried to keep her from
hurting herself. 'Please stop. No more." She begged
softly as she struggled to free herself from the
memories. The humiliation and pain she experienced
when she couldn't defend herself from him lingered in
her thoughts. She was a Marine Major who was trained
to kill people if necessary. She couldn't do anything
to save herself from being raped not just once but
three times. Each one had been worse then the last.
Mac had forced those memories deep when she returned
from the first mission. If she didn't remember it, it
couldn't hurt her. The memories of each rape replayed
itself repeatedly in her mind until she started to
believe she was losing her mind.
"Thank God." Harm said when the tremors slowed and
her struggles eased. Her eyes slowly regained focus,
as tears slid down her face.
"Harm. I'm so tired." She said and closed her eyes.
When he stood up to push her chair, she opened her
eyes and grabbed his arm. "Don't leave me."
"I'm not going anywhere, Mac. I'm just going to take
you home." He said as he cupped her cheek with his
hand. "Rest Baby, we'll be home soon."
Clay, A.J., Keeter and Harm all battled various
degrees of anger over what Murrick had done to Mac.
As they met each others eye, they knew that Mac would
not be alone again.
"Sir, let's get her home." Harm said.
"All right everyone look alive, no stops, no pausing.
Straight for the door and into the car. Mac's
exhausted and can't take much more." The Admiral
ordered.
They headed through the airport allowing nothing to
stand in their way. As they exited the building, Mac
cringed at the bright light. They immediately
converged upon her blocking the sun. Without waiting
for an argument, A.J. lifted Mac gently and placed her
in the waiting car.
"Webb, get us to Mac's apartment. Now." A.J.
ordered.
"On the way." Webb replied as they pulled into D.C.
traffic.
Part 32
Mac struggled to stay upright as they walked into her
apartment building. The last episode had drawn out
most of her strength. The ride up in the elevator
seemed to last forever, as Mac fought to get her
emotions in check. Harriet and Bud would be upstairs
in her apartment and she didn't want them to see how
weak she actually was. She was Ma'am to them. No
matter how many times she asked them not too, they
still called her Ma'am. They respected her as a
Marine Lt. Colonel, she refused to loose their
respect. It was bad enough that the Admiral, Rabb,
Webb, and Keeter had all seen her repeated weakness.
No matter what the doctor said, she couldn't believe
that she would ever be able to return to JAG as a
lawyer.
A.J. watched Mac sway slightly in front of him. Damn
it, he should have ordered her to let Rabb carry her.
Hopefully the Roberts had everything ready in her
apartment. The quicker they got her inside the
apartment and into bed the better. Once she was
settled in, A.J. would call the SECNAV and give him an
update on the mission. He figured that would take at
least an hour for the SECNAV to vent his irritation.
His attention was captured by the movement of Mac's
left hand, that slowly came up to tiredly rub her
eyes. A picture of his daughter as a child making the
same gesture, flashed in his mind. A wave of sympathy
crashed over him. The vulnerable side of his Chief of
Staff affected him more then he ever thought possible.
She worked so hard to hide it that when it came out
it shocked people. He hated to admit it, but he was
one of them. The few instances when she hadn't
measured up to his idea of Mac, he had torn her apart
verbally. He couldn't remember the last time on the
job that he'd told her good job. He vowed to make
that change. His thoughts were broken by the elevator
doors opening onto Mac's floor.
Mac stepped out of the elevator carefully and walked
to her door. Harm braced her with his arm, as she
swayed on her feet. Before they could knock, Harriet
opened the door with a smile of greeting on her face.
The smile quickly faded when she got a good look at
Mac.
"Hi, Harriet Bud." Mac said as Bud came up behind
her.
"Oh Ma'am." Harriet sighed. "Come in food is ready
in the kitchen, your bed has new sheets and is turned
down waiting on you. What can I get for you?"
"Harriet, it's Mac. And forgive me but I think bed is
where I need to be." She replied grudgingly and felt
the world tilt.
"Okay Ninja-girl, enough tough Marine." Harm said as
he scooped her up into his arms and headed to the
bedroom with the Admiral following closely behind.
"You're going to be carried to the bedroom."
"Okay." Mac said meekly and leaned her head back
against his arm.
Harm and A.J. exchanged a puzzled and concerned look
at Mac's compliance. Harm laid her gently on the bed.
"Mac, are you feeling all right?" Harm asked.
"I'm okay. Can you send Harriett in, on your way
out?" She asked in a tired voice.
"Sure Mac. Is there anything I can do?" He replied.
"No Harm, Harriett please." She insisted and looked
at A.J. pleadingly.
"Come on Commander, let her have her time. We'll send
Harriett right in, Mac." A.J. said as he escorted
Harm from the room. After they were out of Mac's
hearing range, A.J. continued. "Harm, she needs a
woman to talk to. Mac's been surrounded by men since
the rescue, after being tortured by a man. How do you
think she feels? She probably wanted to change into
something more comfortable."
"I'm sorry Sir. I'm just so worried about her." Harm
responded.
"We all are Son. Now go ask Harriett to talk to Mac.
I'm going to go see the SECNAV." A.J. said
reluctantly. "Warn Harriet and Bud not to share Mac's
condition with anyone. It could impact her career
before it should."
"Yes Sir." Harm replied by habit. "Good luck."
"Thanks." A.J. replied and headed for the door.
Halfway there he turned and added. "Take care of that
Marine, Commander."
"Aye, Aye, Sir."
Part 33
Harriet entered Mac's bedroom cautiously, not wanting
to wake her friend if she was sleeping. Seeing the
empty bed, she scanned the room settling on the dark
figure curled up on the window seat.
"Ma'am?" Harriet asked softly. "The Commander said
you wanted to see me."
"Harriet?" Mac said dazedly before focusing on the
young woman's face. "How did I get here?"
Frowning at the question, Harriet replied. "I guess
the Commander placed you there when he carried you
in."
"No, how did I get to my apartment? The last thing I
remember is the airport." Mac said with a lost look
on her face. "Was I unconscious?"
"No Ma'am. Maybe I should get the Commander."
Harriet said before being interrupted.
"No Harriet. It's okay. Will you help me put some
pajamas on? That bed is calling my name." Mac said
and tried to smile.
"Sure, Ma'am." Harriet replied and retrieved a pair
of black silk pajamas with Mac's directions. She
helped Mac slip off her jeans and slip into the soft
pants of the pajamas. As Mac slipped the shirt off,
Harriet gasped at the cuts that crisscrossed her back
most of which were uncovered. "Oh, Mac."
Mac flinched slightly when Harriett unthinkingly
touched the area lightly. She had forgotten about
Harriet not knowing about them. As Harriet came
around and kneeled in front of her, Mac saw the tears
flowing down the young lieutenant's face. "Don't cry,
Harriet. I'm fine." She said trying to put on a
brave face for her friend who was so innocent in some
ways. Mac tried to button the top to the pajamas, but
after two attempts she admitted defeat and looked at
Harriet with eyes that proved to her that Lt. Colonel
Sarah Mackenzie had experienced too much. It broke
her heart to see her strong colleague brought to her
knees by a few pieces of plastic that refused to go
into their holes.
"Let me do that Ma'am." Harriet quickly finished
fastening the buttons and watched Mac struggle to her
feet. Alarmed by how much simply changing clothes had
weakened the Colonel, she put her arm around her waist
and helped her to the bed. Pulling down the covers,
she eased Mac into the bed.
"Go to sleep, Mac. I'll be right here if you need
anything." She promised.
"Thanks." Mac replied in a voice that tiredness
slurred.
Harriet felt the tears slip down her face, as she
cried for the pain her friend was in. The bruised on
her face and bandages on her hands had only been the
beginning. The cuts on her back and the wound in her
shoulder made Harriet want to cry even harder. The
bruises on her thighs looked like hand-prints, oh God
was she raped? Harriet wondered. She counted her
blessings again as she thought of her husband who was
one of the gentlest people in the world and her son
who was just like his father. Clay and Harm had not
given them all the details of her injury, but she
could tell that what she saw was just the tip of the
iceberg. Mac couldn't remember getting here. Maybe
the medication their giving her is causing that
short-term memory loss. Harriet decided to slip out
and ask Harm about the time for her medication.
"I'll be right back, Mac." She said softly and
slipped from the room quietly, not noticing the
tremors that were just beginning in her hands.
The tremors woke Mac up, as she tried to will them to
stop. Is the rest of my life going to be this way?
Suck it up Marine! This is no time to give up! You
survived and you will continue to survive. 'At least
on the surface' a little voice deep inside her
whispered. They are all so worried about me, I have
to make them believe that I am as fine as I say I am.
That's easy to say, but so hard to do. No episode
followed the tremors this time. 'Thank God.' Mac
thought. She wasn't sure she could have handled
another one so close to the last without screaming
forever. The screams she hid from Murrick still
fought to escape. On some level, Mac knew screaming
would make her feel better, but she was too afraid
that once she started she wouldn't be able to stop.
How had she let this mission go so badly? Her mind
drifted over all the missions with the Intelligence
Agency that she had headed on the QT over the last ten
years. All but one had ended better then this. Six
years ago on a mission in Peru, she had lost two
members of her team. They had both been beaten and
shot between the eyes. They were also her two of her
best friends. She had left the Agency soon after.
The Agency had dragged their feet on planning the
rescue and they arrived 32 minutes and 14 seconds too
late. She had brought their bodies home and told
their families that their daughters died serving their
country. That was the best team she had ever worked
with, seven women who would die for each other. She
just wished it had been her who had died. Samantha
had a daughter who was three who will never know how
wonderful her mother was and Elle was two months away
from marrying a handsome doctor in New York. Both
were in their last sixty days of service. Yet, Mac
had lived. The one who had no one to return to, no
one who loved her or would grieve for her. She had
grieved for them at their funeral, at their family's
home, and afterwards with a bottle of vodka in her
hotel room. She felt justified in her break in
abstinence. A single tear slid slowly down her cheek
as she thought of the people she had lost in service
to their country, and the people she killed in the
name of defending the United States. When she died
how many ghosts of her past would she face? Maybe she
had died in Arabia and this is all just Hell. The
pain of reliving memories that she would much rather
forget, coupled with the pain from the torture could
be her penance for her sins. 'Maybe, Sarah Mackenzie
you're finally where you deserve to be.' She thought.
"Snap out of it Marine. You're not in Hell. You are
in your own bedroom, it just feels like Hell." Mac
smiled bittersweet. "I wish I had asked Harriet to
get the pills to help control the tremors." She
endured them for another fifteen minutes before they
finally eased. A song played in her mind, a lullaby
that her mother had sang for her as a small child.
The soft comforting words and melody allowed Mac to
relax into a deep sleep.
Part 34
"Commander, what all happened to the Colonel over
there?" Harriet asked Harm who sat in the kitchen
eating with Bud, Keeter, and Clay.
"Sit down, Harriet. I'll tell you and Bud what
happened." Harm replied and waited for her to take
her place at the table. "First though is she
sleeping?" At Harriet's nod he continued "Mac was
captured by a weapons runner by the name of Murrick.
This was not the first time. Apparently she went on a
mission..."
"When you returned to flying?" Harriet interrupted
and continued at his nod. "That explains so much Sir.
I'm sorry to interrupt, please continue."
"Well, while Mac was trying to escape the first time
she took his knife and left him a pretty nasty scar on
the right cheek. He vowed revenge. Webb's group came
in and completed the rescue. She was in pretty bad
shape at that point. Supposedly she recovered and
moved on. Last week Webb asked her to go back into
Arabia, she agreed. Murrick managed to capture her
again, even with all of us there. He basically
tortured her until we could locate them." Harm broke
off as the words became too much.
"Sir, was she raped?" Harriet asked as the men looked
at her in surprise. "Sirs, she has hand sized bruises
on her thighs. I just thought..."
"No Harriet, at least not to our knowledge, she wasn't
raped." Harm said firmly. "Not this time."
It took a couple minutes for his words to sink in.
"Oh Sir, she was the first time wasn't she?"
"Yes Harriet she was raped." Harm replied as he
struggled to say the word. "This time may actually
have been worse. He tortured her physically with
fists and knife. He also used a drug called
Flashfire. It attacks the person's mental
capabilities. She is reliving all the bad things that
have happened in her life in violent emotional
episodes that she has no control over. The wound on
her right hand is from glass. She punched a window at
the hospital and used a shard to hold us off with. It
cut deeply into her hand. The doctor believes that
the episodes will eventually go away for the most
part. But the tremors that attack her hands are not
easing up. She had an episode at the airport today.
That is why she was so tired when she got here. We
don't know how this will affect her ability to perform
in the courtroom. The tremors will at the very least
linger for awhile. The doctor is also worried about
memory loss, so if you see anything that she should
remember but doesn't let me know."
"Sir, when I went in, she didn't know how she got to
her apartment. The last thing she remembered was the
airport. Where did you put her down?"
"On the bed. Why?" Harm asked.
"We'll Sir, she was on the window seat curled up."
Harriet replied. "She honestly had no idea how she
got there."
"Damn. I was hoping she would at least be spared
this." Webb said emotionally. "I'll call her Doctor
in the morning and let him know what's going on.
Don't get too worked up, it may simply be she's too
tired to remember."
"I know." Harm replied and then lied. "You're
probably right."
"Sir, has she eaten?" Harriet asked.
"No, actually she hasn't. She wanted to stop for
take-out on the way here. But then she had the
episode at the airport and she was half aware on the
way home. She hasn't eaten all day." Harm replied.
"Let her sleep for another hour and a half then we'll
wake her up and feed her."
"Yes, Sir." Harriet said.
"Bud, Harriet, I know I don't have to say this, but
Mac's condition can't go any further then this room.
Her career could be over if the aftereffects of the
drug continue to occur. We'll deal with that if we
have too. Right now if someone finds out her
condition, they may want to act before its necessary."
"You mean the SECNAV, Sir?" Bud asked, speaking for
the first time since this conversation started.
"Yes Bud, among others at JAG who would like to see
Mac fail." Harm replied thinking of Singer and her
aspirations to be the first female Judge Advocate
General. "Our duty is to support and protect Marine
Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. Any questions?"
Silence reigned in the kitchen as they all were more
then determined that Mac would be okay.
Part 35
Mac awoke slowly pleased to be in her own bed but
terrified of the confusion she felt. Harm and Harriet
had tried to convince her to eat last night, but the
episode was too fresh in her mind. She couldn't force
anything down. 'I wonder what time it is?' Mac
thought and then paused. 'I can't remember the last
time I didn't just know the time.'
Her friends had rallied around her determined to
protect her from any foes. What they didn't
understand was that the only enemy left was inside
her. How was she ever going to be able to repay their
love and support? She vowed to find a way.
Mac wanted a shower, a long hot shower to wash away
the filth she felt covered in. In the shower she
could be alone and cry without having to hide it.
Harriet would help her undress and wait for her to get
in then she would order her away for awhile. It's
about time for someone to come to check on me. They
were like clockwork, every thirty minutes one of them
walked in.
"Mac, you're awake." Harriet said as she entered the
room. "Why didn't you let us know?"
"I wanted to wake up slowly and enjoy the feeling of
not traveling. Harriet, would you help me get into
the shower?"
"Of course Mac." Harriet said and then paused.
"Maybe I should ask the Commander."
"Harriet, the doctor approved a shower. He even gave
me a glove to put over the cast. The other bandages
can come off for the shower. Please Harriet, I just
need to wash it away." Mac said with pleading eyes.
"Sure Mac, I understand. I'll start your water."
Harriet replied. 'But I will let the Commander know
in case I need his help.' Harriet thought.
Mac slipped her pajama pants off and walked slowly and
carefully to the bathroom door.
"Mac, you should have waited, I would have helped
you." Harriet fussed seeing Mac leaning in the
doorway.
"I just walked about fifteen feet. Calm down." Mac
replied firmly. Harriet unbuttoned Mac's shirt and
removed the bandage on her right hand. She gasped
softly at the long jagged cut "Harriet, I want you to
wait in the bedroom. I need a little time to myself."
"But Ma'am." Harriet protested until she looked Mac
in the eye and realized how important it was to her.
"All right, but I'm going to prop the door open a
little so I can hear you if you call. Okay?"
"Okay Lieutenant." Mac responded. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." She said and pushed the door almost
closed.
"Harriet." Mac called.
"Ma'am!" Harriet said loudly and rushed back in.
"Calm down Harriet. I was just going to ask you if I
could get some breakfast when I get out." Mac asked
and smiled softly at the concern in her young friend's
eyes.
"Of course, Ma'am. French toast?"
"Sounds great." Mac responded and then joked. "If
Harm cooks them, tell him not to burn them."
"Yes, Ma'am." Harriet smiled at the glimpse of the
Colonel and headed for the kitchen. "I'll be right
back in the bedroom."
"Yes Ma'am." Mac replied smartly.
Mac waited for Harriet to leave the bedroom, before
slipping the shirt from her shoulders and stepping
into the shower. She immediately turned the hot water
up and the cold water down. The water stung her
bruised and battered flesh, but at the same time it
was cleansing in its pain. As the water cleansed her
flesh, she wished it could do the same for her soul.
The tears began slowly at first, before flowing faster
and harder. Mac harshly scrubbed her skin trying in
vain to reach her soul. Her skin reddened from the
hot water and her almost frantic scrubbing, ached to
find solace from the pain. As she closed her eyes
under the hard spray of water, images of the pain
caused by Murrick flashed in front of her. His grip
on her thighs as he pressed himself into her
violently. The knife wounds filled with salt combined
with the punches pressed against the wall she had
built around the screams. They all blended together
and the screams she fought so hard to subdue escaped.
Harm was flipping french toast as Harriet got the
juice out of the refrigerator, when a scream ripped
through the apartment. Harriet looked at him in
shock. Harm raced through the apartment. The Admiral
who was in the living room was right on his heels.
"Mac!" Harm yelled as he entered the steam filled
bathroom. The screams were more frantic, almost to
the point of hysteria. Pushing back the shower
curtain, he saw Mac sitting in the corner of the tub
with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her head was
thrown back as the deafening screams echoed in the
bathroom. He reached for her, but she was too far
gone to acknowledge it. She drew back further into
herself, the screams becoming softer as her voice
became hoarse. Her eyes were vacant and she slowly
shook her head. "Mac, easy baby. You're okay." He
reached again and stroked her arms slowly. The
screams broke off abruptly as her eyes focused on
Harm.
"I'm sorry." She pleaded. "I tried so hard not to
scream. I'm sorry. Don't scream. Don't scream. I'm
sorry." Mac forced out and collapsed backwards. If
Harm had not had a hold on her arm, she would have
struck her head.
"Here, Rabb." A.J. forced out of his tightened throat
and handed him a towel. They carefully got her into
the bedroom and helped Harriet get her dressed and
into bed. The men left Harriet with Mac and went to
rescue the kitchen from the french toast burning in
the skillet.
"God, Sir. How could she make it through all that and
not scream?" Harm asked.
"Cause she's Mac and knowing her she would have done
anything possible not to show weakness as a Marine."
A.J. replied. "How did she do it? I don't know. I
don't think that you or I could have done it. The
frightening part is I don't think she's done screaming
yet."
"I know. She reminded me of Keeter in Iran repeating
no Martin Baker, over and over. He told me that was
how he retained his sanity. Sir, I just want to hurt
someone for what they did to her. But no, she
wouldn't even let us have that. No, that damn Marine
has to do everything on her own." Harm's repressed
anger surfaced. "God, Sir, why can't she just once
ask for help?"
"Harm, I know Mac is hard-headed and refuses to ask
for help, but just remember you are the one she calls
for at her darkest hour." A.J. tried to calm Harm's
frustration. "She will get through this. When you
feel angry, let one of us take over. Don't take it
out on her. I don't think she would react well to
it."
Taking a deep breath and releasing a long sigh, Harm
replied. "I know, Sir. I just feel so helpless. I
can still hear the pain and fear in those screams.
She didn't deserve this."
"No one does, Rabb, especially not Mac. But we have
to prepare ourselves and slowly prepare Mac for the
battle she's still facing. Have you called the doctor
and psychiatrist that Doctor Simmons recommended?"
The Admiral asked.
"Yes, I reached Dr. Patterson. Mac has an appointment
with him tomorrow at two. Dr. Hamilton can see her at
four." Harm answered, while he tried to calm his
worry.
"Good. I'll come by tomorrow at one-thirty to pick
you up. That way, I can drop you both at the door and
she won't have to walk from a parking lot." A.J.
said.
Harriet entered the room. "Commander, Mac is asking
for you."
"How is she, Harriet?"
"Hold her, Sir. She just needs to know she's safe."
Harriet looked into Harm's eyes seriously.
"I will. Why don't you go see that son of yours?
I'll be here with Mac." He promised.
"I'll drive you home, Lieutenant. Mr. Roberts took
your vehicle." A.J. directed firmly. "Rabb, call if
you need anything, anything at all."
"I will, Sir."
"Good. I'll come back at 2100 tonight and let you get
some rest." A.J. ordered. "Rabb, go check on the
Colonel. Lieutenant, let's head out."
"Yes, Sir." They both answered. Harriet and Rabb did
as instructed.
Part 36
Harm entered Mac's bedroom to find her restlessly
turning on the bed trying to get to sleep. He sat
down on the edge of the bed and gently picked up her
hand. He softly rubbed the back of her hand.
"Sh, Mac go to sleep, Baby."
"Harm, will you hold me?" She asked quietly. Fear of
rejection still haunted her.
"Of course, Mac." Harm settled her carefully into his
arms. "Do you want to talk?"
"Yeah, I think I do." Mac replied relaxing against
his chest. "Did I scare you earlier?"
"Terrified, would be more like it." Harm hesitated.
"My heart stopped when you screamed. I'm glad you let
yourself have that release. How are you feeling?"
"Better actually. I feel like I could still scream
for hours and not let them all out." Mac replied
unconsciously clutching his hand in hers. "Do you
remember in Sydney when you asked me to scream? That
was the first time I had screamed since I was fifteen
years old. A month after my mother left, my father
came home in a rage. I didn't hear him come in until
he threw me into the wall. I screamed. He was so
angry. The neighbors called the police, luckily he
left no visible bruises. My father told them I saw a
spider and panicked. They believed him. Whenever he
raised his hand to me, he said 'Don't scream. Don't
scream, you ungrateful child.' From then on I never
screamed." She breathed heavily trying to control her
emotions. "Murrick tried to make me scream, to prove
his dominance. I refused to give him the
satisfaction."
Harm softly caressed her hair as she spoke. Tears of
sympathy for the girl who had lost her trust for
people so long ago, and for the woman in his arms
struggling to regain it. She continued so quietly
that Harm had to strain to hear her. "The screams
echo in my head, Harm. I'm afraid that if I let them
go completely, I'll never be able to stop screaming."
"God, Sarah you amaze me with your strength. You
scream any time you need to. I'll be there to pull
you back. You will not lose yourself in the screams."
Harm promised.
Just the sound of her name on Harm's lips acted as a
balm for her battered soul. "I know you will, Flyboy.
When I'm feeling stronger, I want you to take me
flying in Sarah. I want to scream with only the wind
and you to hear." Her smile, for the first time since
the rescue, reached her eyes.
"You tell me when and we'll go, Ninja-Girl." Harm
smiled back, glad to see some of the sparkle back in
the eyes of his partner. "We will go wherever you
want."
"Promise?" She looked deep into his eyes searching
for it before he could even say a word.
"I promise, Mac." He said and returned her cautiously
hopeful gaze.
"You always keep your promises don't you?" She asked.
"Always." He said sincerely.
"Good, I feel better already." She replied. "So
where is that French toast Harriet told me about?"
"You're hungry?" Harm asked delightedly.
"Yes, you know this Marine gets hungry." She grinned.
"Okay. I'll go fix it and bring it back. Give me
about fifteen minutes." He replied.
"No, I'm coming with you. I've been in this bedroom
too long." Sensing Harm's upcoming protest, Mac
quickly continued. "I'm just going to sit in the
kitchen, watch you cook, and talk. Okay, Sailor?"
"All right, but you have to promise to let me know if
you get too tired. Promise?"
"Promise." Mac said quickly. "Now hurry up, I'm
hungry."
Mac made her way slowly through the apartment,
stopping every few feet to rest. It took all of
Harm's willpower not to help her. The first time he
tried, he received a look that quickly dissuaded him
from trying again.
After seeing that Mac was comfortable, Harm began
cooking. They talked about former cases, JAG, Harm's
family, and their friends. They spoke like they did
before he returned to flying. They ate French toast
and laughed over good memories of the past. As Harm
washed the dishes, he noticed Mac yawning. Before he
could call her on it, she spoke.
"Harm, I think I'm ready to take a nap." She said and
headed for the bedroom. About halfway there, she
stopped and looked at him hesitantly. "Harm?"
"What's wrong, Mac?" Worry creased his forehead as he
met her uncertain gaze.
"You look tired, too. Will you join me?" She asked
barely above a whisper.
"I am tired. Let's get some sleep." He said and
escorted her into the bedroom.
They settled onto the bed. Mac rested her head on
Harm's chest, comforted by the steady strong beat of
his heart. 'Maybe it would be okay.' Mac thought
before sleep claimed her.
Part 37
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden let himself into Mac's
apartment using the spare key Rabb had given him.
'Good it's quiet' he thought 'Maybe Mac is getting
some sleep.' The SEAL in A.J. kicked in as he
critically surveyed the apartment. Two plates drying
in the drain rack, two plates that weren't there this
morning gave him hope that Mac had eaten. As he moved
through the apartment, he was struck again by the warm
rich comforting tones of the paint and furniture. He
felt like he entered someone's sanctuary every time he
came here.
As he softly pushed the door to Mac's bedroom open, he
saw his two superior officers in bed together. Harm
was lying on his back sleeping deeply, probably for
the first time in a week. Mac rested her head on
Harm's chest and appeared to be sleeping. As he came
closer, he noticed that her dark chocolate eyes were
staring unseeingly out the window. He was drawn into
their depths.
Mac had heard someone enter the apartment. They did
not call out a greeting of any kind. 'Calm down, it's
probably just Harriet or Bud.' She rationalized with
herself, but when the figure entered the bedroom fear
coursed through her. She slowly pulled the gun that
was secured behind the pillows on the wall. Turning
quickly and silently, she trained the gun on the
intruder she had yet to identify.
The Admiral found himself looking down the barrel of a
9mm Beretta. Seeing the fear subside in Mac's face,
he released a breath he didn't realize he was holding.
He knew in her previous state, she would have shot
him first and asked questions later.
"I'm so sorry, Admiral." Mac said softly trying not
to disturb the man at her side.
"It's all right, Colonel. I should know better then
to try and sneak up on a Marine." She smiled at the
comment and A.J. quickly returned it. "How long have
you and the Commander been asleep?"
"We've been in bed 5 hours 31 minutes and 17 seconds."
She answered matter-of-factly, before her expression
changed to shock and then joy in a matter of seconds.
"Sir, it came back."
"Yes, Sarah it did. This will not defeat you. Now
how long did you sleep?" He asked.
"About two hours and twenty minutes, Sir." Mac
replied and hesitantly asked. "Sir, the Commander
needs to sleep and I need to visit the facilities.
Could you help me up so I don't wake him?"
"Certainly." He replied and gently lifted her away
from Rabb. He laughed softly as she put a pillow in
her place. "I think he'll notice the difference,
Mac."
"I know but maybe half asleep he won't." Mac smiled.
"The bathroom, near the living room please."
"Sure Mac." He set her down just outside the door.
"I'll be right here, yell if you need me."
"Yes, Sir." She replied smartly.
A few minutes later Mac exited the bathroom to be met
by A.J., who was ready to sweep her up in his arms and
put her to bed.
"Admiral, I would like to sit in the living room for
awhile, if you don't mind?"
"Of course I don't mind." He said and tried to take
her arm. "Let me help you."
"No, Sir. I'm fine." Mac walked the fifteen feet
slowly to the couch.
"Mac."
"Yes, Admiral?" She looked at him cautiously.
"For now, until you're back at JAG, you are to call me
A.J." He said firmly.
"Okay." She replied in shock.
"Now Mac, what would you like to do?"
"Well, Sir...I mean A.J." She said quickly corrected.
"Would you put in an old movie? There is a shelf of
them behind the television. Just pick one you like.
I've seen them all. I mean if you would like to join
me, Adm...A.J."
"I would love to." He inserted "An Affair to Remember"
into the VCR. "I always loved this movie."
"Really?" She was surprised, she pictured him as an
action movie kind of guy. "Me, too."
"I'll grab a couple of cokes."
"Sounds great." She replied.
As they watched the movie, a comfortable silence
surrounded them. Occasionally, Mac would wipe a stray
tear from her face. A.J. wondered if the movie caused
them or if the movie just gave them a cover. As the
credits rolled, he saw the tears that slowly rolled
down her face.
"Come here, Darling." He said and opened his arms.
She slowly moved into his enfolding embrace. "You cry
all you want, Mac."
"Sir, I feel so stupid. I'm a Colonel in the United
States Marine and I let myself get captured twice by
the same person. He humiliated me and I couldn't stop
him. Not exactly a glowing recommendation is it? I
had a chance to escape. I battled Murrick, one on one
and couldn't beat him." Mac sighed. "Maybe I
shouldn't be in the military any more."
"I'm going to tell you something, Colonel and if you
ever repeat it I will deny it." He said seriously.
"I don't give praise lightly. You are one of the
finest soldiers I have ever had the honor of working
with. You are dedicated to your friends and
colleagues. I thank God, that you include me in that
group of friends. Your strength and willingness to
put your life on the line to save someone else, leaves
me speechless. I've seen you make mistakes, career
wise, but even then you were putting the welfare of
someone else first. You tried to protect John Farrow.
You tried to do the right thing but you get blinded
by not protecting yourself. You have overcome so much
in your life." He continued holding her steady
glistening gaze. "You helped to stop a major weapon
trafficking group from causing hundreds of deaths.
You killed your captor and in doing so saved Commander
Rabb's life. If anyone should be in the military, Mac
it is you."
Her dark eyes shone like onyx as they searched his for
sincerity. Finding no sign of the Admiral just trying
to make her feel better, she smiled softly. "Thank
you, A.J."
"You are welcome, Colonel. Now do you want to watch
another movie or go to bed?"
"Another movie." She said and waited for him to pick
one out. "Breakfast at Tiffany's. My favorite."
"Good." He said and took his seat beside her on the
couch. She leaned against his shoulder as the movie
began. Within fifteen minutes, Mac was sleeping.
Careful not to wake her, he placed a pillow on his lap
and eased her down until her head met the pillow.
Within minutes he was asleep too.
Part 38
Mac was awaken by the tremors in her right hand. It
trembled violently as the darkness again attacked her
mind. The image was violent and harsh. One image
repeatedly flashed before her. Harm's lost child,
Annie and her little battered body. After
accompanying Harm to the crime scene, she had
withdrawn herself from the case. She knew what had
happened to that child. Annie had been beaten for
years and her hope was gone long before the physical
death had relieved her pain. Her own childhood
beatings flashed in her head. There were times when
she thought her father would go too far and kill her.
Seeing Annie's body had brought back things she had
tried for years to deny. She had even lied to her
mother about her father's physical abuse. Mac had
protected her mother from guilt that she should have
felt for leaving her alone with him. Harm had asked
her one time a rhetorical question. "How could
someone hurt a defenseless child, and no one stop
him?" Her internal answer 'Grow up Harm it happens
everyday. No matter how much we would like to believe
otherwise.' The Annie case had terrified her.
Nightmares had plagued her for weeks afterwards. Only
in her nightmares it was a defenseless child named
Sarah lying on that cold bathroom floor covered with
blood. She had worked out viciously for weeks
afterwards. She was not defenseless anymore and she
would make sure it stayed that way. The image of
herself as a child and the image of Annie flashed in
her head.
A low moan pulled A.J. from sleep. Looking down he
saw Mac trembling. Sweat broke out on her forehead
and upper lip as she struggled with something only she
could see. He pulled her gently into his arms trying
to soothe the anguish in her eyes.
"Easy, Darling. You're okay. Just ride it out. I'll
be here when it's over." He whispered as he stroked
her hair. A movement in the doorway caught his eye.
Rabb stood there entranced by her anguish. "Rabb, go
get her a glass of juice."
Harm tried to get his legs to obey but they refused.
As he watched her struggle internally with a demon, he
felt his heart bleed for her.
"No don't kill her! Don't hit Annie! You killed her!
She was just a defenseless child! Damn you! No
Daddy, I'm sorry. Please Daddy, I promise I'll be
good. Don't kill me, like Annie please!" She begged
as the images became more garbled and confusing.
"No!" She yelled and collapsed against A.J. As the
images slowed to a stop and faded, Mac tried to calm
her breathing. The tremors stopped and she opened her
eyes slowly. "A.J.?"
"Yes, Mac. It's me. Are you okay?" He asked trying
to read the answer in her eyes.
"I think so." She replied faintly as she tried to
catch her breath. "Can I have something to drink?"
"Sure, Mac. Rabb where's that juice Commander?" A.J.
ordered in his Admiral voice.
"Coming right up, Sir." Harm replied and hurried to
the kitchen.
Mac struggled to sit up. A.J. helped her. "Do you
want to talk about it, Mac?"
She hesitated before replying in almost a whisper. "I
kept seeing the crime scene. Her small broken body,
so much blood." Her voice broke.
"Whose body, Mac?" Harm asked confused.
"The child, Harm. Annie. All of her hope was gone,
she knew her pain was almost over. Her death was
almost a release from it. I couldn't stay on that
case. I felt so drawn to that little girl and yet
desperate to separate myself from her. I could have
been her. Hope is something that once you lose it, is
almost impossible to get back. It took me many years
and some special people to find mine." Mac sighed and
took a small sip of the cool refreshingly juice. "I
was afraid of the memories. Funny isn't it. I have
been pushing things deeper for years and one drug
releases them all. I'm so tired of this."
"Come on Darling, let's get you to bed where you can
really rest." A.J. picked her up, blocking any
argument she may have made with a stern Admiral look.
After settling Mac into bed and waiting for her to
fall back to sleep, Harm and A.J. sat at the kitchen
table over a cup of coffee.
"I'm really worried about what the doctor and the
psychiatrist will say tomorrow. Dr. Simmons seemed to
believe that that kind of episode should be fading if
not gone by now." Harm said softly.
"I know, Rabb. I'm worried about her too." A.J.
replied.
"You know Brumby was right when he said we were all a
little bit in love with Mac." Harm thought. Looking
at the Admiral's shocked expression he realized that
he had said that out loud. "Damn, I'm sorry Sir. I
shouldn't have said that."
"It's all right, Rabb. It is true. Mac is so strong
and steady that you count her as a friend who will
always be there for you. But at the same time her
beauty and that elusive smile, never let you forget
the amazing woman who hides behind the Marine
Colonel." Embarrassed at having said so much, the
Admiral quickly changed the subject. "Go home and
take a shower and get some clean clothes. I'll sit
with Mac until you return."
"Yes, Sir." Harm replied and hesitated before
continuing. "Thank you for caring for her, Sir."
"Like there's a choice, Rabb." He replied and watched
Harm leave the apartment. "How in the world could you
stop caring for her?" Alone with his thoughts, he
unknowingly moved to Mac's favorite spot in the
apartment. As he stood gazing out the window, he did
something Admiral A.J. Chegwidden seldom did, he
prayed for the soul of a young woman who held a
special place in his heart. He knew that his feelings
for Mac could never come to life, but he knew of no
way to stop them. She deserved so much happiness in
her life. He made a vow, standing in her apartment,
gazing out her window, to remove Rabb's head from his
six. It was so simple, yet they had made it so
complicated. He loved her and she loved him. It was
time they acted on them, even if it took a determined
SEAL to make them. The smile that crossed his face
was almost scary. There were no doubts behind that
smile. He would see his two senior officers happy,
even if it killed him.
Part 39
The Admiral picked Mac and Harm up from her apartment
at one o'clock in the afternoon. He drove them to Dr.
Patterson's office. He dropped them off at the front
door and said he would meet them upstairs.
Mac walked steadily through the lobby towards the
elevator. "Which floor?"
"Third, room 320." Harm replied keeping a watchful
eye on her as the elevator rose.
Mac entered Dr. Patterson's office and waited for the
receptionist to acknowledge her presence. "Excuse
me, my name is Sarah Mackenzie and I have a two
o'clock appointment with Doctor Patterson.
"Certainly, Ms. Mackenzie, have a seat and fill out
these forms. The Doctor will see you shortly." The
receptionist directed and set a clipboard on the
counter. Harm picked it up and escorted Mac to a
chair. With Mac's help he quickly filled out the
forms for her. He took them to the receptionist and
returned to her side.
'I wonder if I can survive being alone again?' Mac
thought taking note of his position. Between A.J.,
Clay, Keeter, and Rabb, she had constant support.
'What will happen when the walls close in again?'
"Ms. Mackenzie, Dr. Patterson will see you now." The
receptionist called.
Mac carefully stood from her chair and headed towards
the nurse. Sensing Harm rising behind her, she
turned. "Stay where you are Flyboy. You can come in
after the examination." Turning back to the
receptionist, she continued. "Don't let him drive you
crazy."
"Cute, Mac." Harm said dryly.
Mac entered the room she was directed to by the
receptionist. Seeing a doctor seated with his back to
her pouring over the charts in front of him, Mac
slowly advanced into the room.
"Ms. Mackenzie, please get up on the table." Dr.
Patterson directed without looking up from his
paperwork. Appraising the table, she quickly deduced
that she wouldn't be able to push herself up onto the
table.
"Doctor." Mac started.
"Just a minute. Let me finish this. Just get up on
the table. I'll be right with you." He said
impatiently.
Mac swallowed her anger, or at least she tried to.
She leaned against the table counting to twenty
slowly. Still not looking up, he started talking.
"Ms. Mackenzie, I see you have some cuts on your back,
wound on your shoulder, and a drug exposure. Please
remove your shirt." He directed as he put on latex
gloves. Turning he froze, seeing for the first time
one very pissed off Marine Colonel.
"Dr. Patterson, do you always treat your patients like
after thoughts? Or is it just me? In case you didn't
have time to read it in my file, I have two broken
fingers and a deep laceration on the other hand. I
can't push myself up onto that table. Second, I would
like a gown of some kind. Due to the cuts as you call
them on my back, I can't wear a bra, so I would
appreciate some kind of cover. Third, I hope you know
more about this drug and my injuries then your words
show, because if not I'm leaving. Finally, Doctor
Patterson, my name is Colonel Sarah Mackenzie." Mac's
voice had gotten steadily louder and more like a drill
sergeant.
The doctor had the good grace to blush and start to
apologize, when an equally angry Commander and Admiral
burst through the door.
"Mac, are you okay?" Harm shouted, glaring at Dr.
Patterson. "We could hear you in the waiting room."
"I'm fine Commander, Admiral. Go back to the waiting
room, I believe the doctor and I have come to an
understanding. Haven't we Doctor?"
"Yes, Ma'am." He replied smartly.
"But Mac." A.J. started.
"Dismissed Admiral, Commander." Mac said in her no
argument allowed voice.
"Yes, Ma'am." They answered quickly and headed back
to the waiting room.
"Well Colonel, I owe you a huge apology. May I help
you up onto the table?" He asked hesitantly.
"Yes, thank you." She replied and let him help her.
"Contrary to my actions, I have read your file and
have the information about the drug that was put into
your system. I will help you get better." He said
reassuringly. "I am very sorry for my actions. You
are in good hands, I promise. Do you need help
removing your shirt?" He asked.
"No, I can do it. Thank you for the sheet to cover up
with." Mac replied.
"I'll go reassure your men that you didn't kill me."
Dr. Patterson said.
"All right." She replied and watched him leave the
room. She smiled softly at his words. 'Her men.'
Waiting Room
"Sir, did she just dismiss you?" Harm said in shock.
"I believe she did, Rabb." A.J. replied feeling a
little shocked himself.
Both men jumped up when the doctor entered the room.
"How is she?" A.J. asked
"She's getting changed. I just wanted to let you know
that she's okay and she didn't hurt me. Although she
had me going for a while there, nothing like a furious
Marine."
"Trust me, I know what it's like." Rabb replied. "By
the way I am Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. and this is
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden the Judge Advocate General."
"Nice to meet you, gentlemen. I take it Colonel
Mackenzie works with you both at JAG." The doctor
asked.
"Yes, Doctor. She is my Chief of Staff." A.J.
replied. "What is the agenda for the appointment?"
"She is changing now. I will examine her and then we
will run a number of tests to make sure everything is
healing as needed." He explained.
"Doctor, Mac is still having violent episodes." Harm
said hesitantly. "Dr. Simmons expected them to be
gone by now. She had one this morning that lasted
between ten to fifteen minutes. It leaves her shaky,
trembling violently, and highly upset. She is
exhausted and can't seem to sleep."
"Thanks for the information, Commander Rabb. I'll
take good care of her." The doctor said. "I'll come
out periodically to let you know what we find out."
"Doctor, she has a four o'clock appointment with Dr.
Hamilton." The Admiral pointed out.
"No problem, we'll be done." Doctor Patterson replied
and left the two men to wait.